Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

Sure. Don’t be bothered if you’re not bothered. But surely if someone really wasn’t bothered they wouldn’t feel compelled to come onto threads and criticise those that do care…?

Why shouldn't they? Public forum and all that, OP is after all asking if she is being unreasonable and therefore inviting opinions.

Do nothing for them the next month.
No lifts, dinners, washing.

They’re obviously forgetting they’ve something to be grateful for.

Absolutely this! He behaved like an absolute dick.

Honestly if you have teens just go away somewhere fun with as many other mums as you can. Having an absolute blast. Just leave husbands and kids far behind and put yourself FIRST for once.

They are husband and wife who are also joint parents to the same children. In many families both mother and father’s days are team efforts with the other parent acting as organiser until the children are adults.
If they don’t lead by example nothing would get done.

Happy outcome for the OP. They made a meal for her at home, most likely from the husband’s leadership. It is especially important in the teen years when motivation is an issue.

When did Mother’s Day become like this? What’s wrong with a card and a bunch of daffs? TBH I think that expecting all of your DCs to worship their mother by escorting her to the garden centre to buy plants is a bit of a bizarre notion. Personally I’d rather go on my own, it’d be much more peaceful.

Honestly if you have teens just go away somewhere fun with as many other mums as you can. Having an absolute blast. Just leave husbands and kids far behind and put yourself FIRST for once

agreed, gather some friends and go out for the day rather than dragging recalcitrant teens to a bloody garden centre. You’re not 100 years old (I’m guessing)

Commiserations OP.

Ive also had a couldn’t care less Mother’s Day from adult son who is difficult and makes no effort any other time either. It’s the last straw 😔 for me.

And personally I’m not even into Mother’s Day. It’s when you hardly see them and they also make no effort the rest of the year or your birthday, xmas etc that it becomes more “important”.

Anyway I hope you feel better soon OP.

I can't understand WHY you would want to go for lunch / go to a garden centre on Mother's Day. My idea of hell. Setting yourself up for disappointment.

God that made me sad to read. Sounds so lovely. You are so lucky.

This is why I've stopped celebrating all these gimmicks i used to expect so much and be heavily disappointed. Who invented mothers day anyway. I expected nothing today even though i knew my husband would do something. I was dreading it to be honest. But turned out quite nice i just treated it like a normal day though after having a meal treat and kids made some lovely things then i carried on as normal doing chores.

Maybe there was a black fly in her Chardonnay or something

@Madamqueenofeverything that's awful 😞 Do you have any other dcs?

@BigBreaths

I was actually going to ask if both of you were. So the ADHD makes sense… have you ever been assessed for comorbid autism?

Your DH couldn’t cope with the environment.

You had a set plan in mind, whenever the behaviour of your DH and sons was not in step with your plan you had a meltdown and abandoned ship…. And now you’re on a loop going through replaying the whole thing and probably feel a bit ‘stuck’ and unable to engage with the efforts they are making to please you and apologise for upsetting you.

Yeah my ex was like that. Couldn't handle the 'busyness' of the shops to buy me a gift (for any occasion) but was a-ok going to the bottle shop! Which is located right next to the supermarket which sells....flowers and chocolates.

Nah, YANBU. You cater to their needs day in and out. They could suck it up for an hour for you once a year.

Glad they came to and made you a nice meal!

No one is doing that on this thread though? If anything, you’ve got posters weirdly bragging about how their husbands and kids do fuck all for them and they are absolutely fine with it, they would expect a child to have to spend a few hours making their mum happy!
The bar appears to be very, very low here.

Also claiming it’s everyone’s idea of hell. Even though the cafe was full 😂

We went for a pub meal - I chose the place and booked it, the place DP likes was fully booked (I like that place too, but I like to go to other places). I was happy with my meal (glad to be out, chose something we don’t cook at home, don’t expect the moon on a stick) - DP and the two DDs all found something to complain about and sat there with miserable faces, we were home within 45 mins. Thanks guys.

😢 Next year, book yourself something solo so you don’t have miserable faces. I hope you’ve told them all how shit they made you feel.

I don’t care if I am seen as a “diva” I would go mad at these scenarios. Mine know you jolly well make an effort for other people’s special days if you want anyone to give a shit about your own. Mothers are people not servants. These teens are glued to their phones so they know fine well it’s Mother’s Day. Absolutely no excuse. Get a card /a hug a happy Mother’s Day / thanks for all you do mum and a day off from drudge. Not much to fucking ask is it?

@Cherrysoup thank you. The rest of the day was fine, they got me cards and flowers which I know DP organised. It’s just a bit depressing that they can’t make the best of an average pub meal. Off the back of it though I’ve decided not to organise a couple of days in London over Easter - will save about £300, a load of organising for myself and having to listen to moaning about my efforts. I’ll save the extra leave I’d have used and take myself for a (considerably cheaper and more enjoyable) day trip instead!

Another MN doormat/martyr with comprehension difficulties.