Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

Yanbu. Your DH couldn't give you one day? I'm sorry your mother's day was ruined. It's not the same but could you take yourself out for a treat?

I don't care what people think about the commercialisation of Mothers/Fathers Day. It's one day. I also celebrate Daughters Day/Son Day and any other day I can find. I enjoy celebrating the people I love.

Totally agree. Think op should lead by example. Her sons wives will thank her and her daughter will benefit.

Typical man always has yo be about him. Well fathers day give him a treat. Don't bother doing anything, book yourself and DD into a spa for the day and let him and DSs sort themselves out oh best bit don't tell him. I arrange to go out for lunch on mothers day otherwise no one would bother and expect me to cook. You are NBU

i've got a 16, 13 and 3 year old. they didn't even know it was mother's day. granted we are abroad and my husband isn't british so nobody reminded them. i'm not really bothered in all honesty they are kids.

I didn't get anything at all for Mother's Day. No cards, flowers, meals out. Nothing.

Glad it got sorted out in the end Op.
Hope the meal they made you was nice.
I’d have been pissed off with him too ! Glad you gave them a wake up call.

Sounds like you both could have done with getting in and out of the bed and starting the day one more time. A lot of people running DH down as been utterly selfish, but he did organise cards and gifts, which is more than many on here say they got. Unfortunately it all got a bit sour and tiresome with frayed tempers, but happily you ve had it out and finished on much better terms. This is life, we can't always be our cheerful best despite the occasion.

What I really want to ask about is why so many people feel such negative towards the man's seed potatoes and want the OP to toss them out 😂

You don’t think the comment they were replying to was nasty and a personal attack?

Well done for walking out. He didn’t expect that reaction because he expected you to meekly queue and order for him.

I think this should be the impetus to review how much you do for him and the teens.

Does he not take care of you?

@DrCoconut

thats awful! Shame on your family!

Haven’t rtft.

I understand you being disappointed, however the arguing and then leaving in a huff, without anything after a long wait. I feel sorry for your DD. It was unfair to take it all out on her and must have felt that her efforts were dismissed like it meant nothing. I would make a point of apologising to her, to validate her effort & feelings, and that it was in no way about her.

YABU.

Why should OP get up and meekly serve him by getting up and ordering food for him?

He didn’t have to come to the cafe, OP was going to go with her dd anyway.

I think OP just showed her dd that it’s ok to walk out when a man is being an arse, that’s a much for valuable gift than lunch.

I think good for you for letting your feelings be known. YANBU at all to want to be appreciated for a day. Regardless of the day of the year, it is nice to do nice things for people (even if it’s something you wouldn’t choose to do yourself) and to be grateful for those that help and care for you. It is a good lesson for your children (and apparently DH!) to learn. I hope you enjoyed your meal .

I found it got a bit better when they got older and left their stroppy teenage years behind. Not sure about your DH though!

Mine are early 20s now and yesterday was lovely. I do remember some horrible mothers day's when they were mid/late teens. Couldn't be arsed to get out of bed to give me a card or cook anything. I'd end up cooking, despite them saying they would, and then they'd still be in bed and we would start without them. It's a selfish, self centred age for many of them but they do mostly improve so hang in there.

Me too! It’s a proper race to the bottom.

I have 4 grown up children who all live away from home apart from my son
The only one who ever bothers to send a card for. Birthdays or mother's day is my eldest daughter
It hurts I don't expect gifts but a card would be nice

Jojothebear 😕

Honestly, reading posts like this it feels like most of Mumsnet have families that barely tolerate one another, let alone love them. I do like and love my family, so on special days for them, I'll do things they like without complaint. They'd do the same, hopefully because they both love me and I'm doing an ok job of bringing them up to actually like doing things for the people they love.

Glad you sorted it @BigBreaths.

You might want to RTFT.

The OP has updated it several times.

So where's your retraction, then?
Have you forgotten your own spiteful post about OP bullying her children?
Perhaps you have comprehension difficulties as well.
But I very much doubt that.

I don't actually know anyone who had a good mother's day! Epic disappointment all round...
I even spoilt my mums by having a fight with my brother (it was his fault... he's a dickhead).

Maybe next time the best thing to do would be go to the garden centre for the bits you want and book a table at a lovely place for lunch.

Most people under the age of 50 dislike garden centres, and even more so the food - it's always terrible cheap stuff and not much choice. No one would eat it if it was a standalone cafe or restaurant, they're only suckered in because it's part of the garden centre.

Is the truth not nearer you were hurt because for once you had asked them to do something that would please you and they obviously couldn't be bothered to make an effort for you? As mother's we want to be shown love, respect, and appreciation one day a year.

Ah yes, that'll be the 4 men, two women dynamics.

It hardly creates an air of understanding, just cold hard uncaring male behaviour.

Poor you and daughter, don't men like to think they're important.

Next year go somewhere more expensive where you know you will be served.

We are not much of a family for celebrating anything. All pretty low key but I did get a card, wine, ice cream and chocolate yesterday from my boys. I did have to cook the dinner as normal. I find it best not to have expectations then you are rarely disappointed. It sounds as you had a nice day in the end op.

I've found living in a male dominted household regardless of class, the only things that get through emotionally are throwing 'women's' problems into the mix, period pains, menopause, hyterectomies, miscarriges, breast problems, the mention of wombs etc, you may get a smattering of caring or money thrown at the situation then.

Mothers with boys, it's hard going for some.