Upset about Mothers Day card

[Strawberry06]

Before I start I probably am being unreasonable but I can't help the way I feel.

Today is my first ever Mother's Day and my husband usually gets me a nice card for other occasions and writes a personal message inside.

Anyway for some reason he decided to go down the moonpig route and he made me a personalised card using a photo of me and the baby. In said photo I look horrendous, I've had no sleep, no make up on, not even brushed hair and the card is the whole photo. I couldn't help but cringe when I opened it and then burst out crying. Then there's just the most basic line of text inside.

I know I probably sound so ungrateful and there are much more important things but all I wanted was just a normal cute mummy card with a handwritten message inside for my first Mother's Day and I can't help but think he's ruined it and I'm so upset about it.

He knows the cards are important to me I don't ask for or expect anything else but a nice card I don't feel like it's a lot to ask!

It's more about you and your baby not really sure where your husband should come into it anyway

Mine went mountain biking with his mates on my first Mother’s Day - DS was about 2 weeks old too. TBF, I’m not his mother so the idea hadn’t really occurred to him.

You might be annoyed now, but I hope in time you’ll look back and realise that him making you a card is more personal than a quick fix shop bought one. I hope once your DC is older you’ll also appreciate their hand made cards more that the commercial ones.

It doesn’t sound like he’s the type to not put effort in, so I think he’s just misjudged what you would like this time. Maybe he thought it would make a nice change. If he’s a good partner and dad, don’t let it spoil the day.

I think you've put too much pressure on your first mothers day being "such a special day" that you've over built it in your head which is adding to your disappointment.

Real life isn't a movie or "insta perfect". Its not what you imagined but he did try. As others have said he probably loves that photo of you.

Total side note, but having to write long meaningful messages in every card you get sounds exhausting to me. And something that should be kept for very special occasions otherwise they lose all meaning. But that's just me. Do you need constant reassurance of his love for you?

Lady, you're two weeks postpartum. You are definitely being unreasonable, but it'd be weird if you weren't. Go with the mad hormones and craziness of babyhood and you'll laugh about it one day.

I'm saying this as someone who got upset over everything 2 weeks in.

Also, and this is meant kindly, you're not his mum, presumably he's used to writing MD cards to his mum and was unsure how to approach it for wife/mother of child with whom he already has an established card regime...

Hope you feel better soon and send him out to get you some nice cakes or something!

He hadn't written a lovely long message because mothers day is not the day for him to do so. He has given you a card on behalf of your baby, and to me, given the limitations of what a baby could communicate, a photo of the two of you seems appropriate. I expect he thought your focus in the photo would be your child not your own appearance. (Don't get me wrong, I get it, but men often don't understand how much our looks matter to us). If you say anything tell him next year you'd like a card from him too with a long message of appreciation of you as the mother of his child.

I can’t quite believe how unreasonable you are. It’s a personalised card. He probably loves the photo . He put care and thought into it and your response is to cry like a spoilt brat. You’ve ruined your own Mother’s Day. Don’t be shocked if he doesn’t bother with the next one

Finding humour in it is a good approach. I think it’s quite funny really.

Youve only just given birth though and are probably sensitive about how you look and a bit emotionally fragile.

Dont let this spoil everything. You’ve had a cry, now ask dh to take baby and have a nice bath or do something relaxing x

What did he say when you burst into tears? Personally I think a picture where you feel you look awful and a not very special message inside is rubbish for your first Mother’s Day. Especially if he usually writes lovely messages personal to you on other cards and had the opportunity to get a nice card and write it. Does he know how you feel? Hopefully talking about it together will help you get a bit of perspective and enjoy your time with your new baby xxx

Maybe he loves that photo of you?

I think a bit of compassion wouldn’t go amiss here. Op you’re getting some harsh responses bless you. You have a two week old baby and you’re hormones are off the scale.

I get it, I do. But try to just focus on the fact you actually got something (see posters on here with aforementioned bellend husbands) and he’s probably done something he thought would be personal but misjudged it. Maybe mention (in a positive tone) how you actually love when he writes personal messages in tour card, you find it so much more thoughtful etc - then he’ll have no excuse next time.

congratulations on your beautiful baby xx

You started crying over a card? Oh come on, he hasn't done anything wrong here.

OP - he's thought "this is special, I don't want something impersonal, I want something which shows our child and the mother of our child". So he's gone to moonpig, because that's the only way he knows of doing it, and has found himself severely restricted in the words he can use, but he's still fixated on having a special card with a picture of you and the baby. And now he's found out that he got it all wrong, and for you it's the words that matter, not the picture.

It seems to be a feature of this magical day (at least here on Mumsnet) that men are expected to be feckin' mind readers and can't do right for doing wrong.

If he's chosen that particular photo, there's a good chance he loves it and thinks you look beautiful in that moment:

@Strawberry06 yanbu to be upset because you can't help how you feel. Sounds like you had a bit of a rough time with the baby/delivery, and now you are tired, sleep deprived, possibly hormonal and as it's your first Mothers' Day, it feels big. It might be the fact that rather than a celebration of motherhood it feels thoughtless (one line message) and a depiction of it's (yours) worst bits.

However, I do want to offer a different perspective now I'm 12 years away from those incredibly hard days. I have barely any pics of me and DD as a baby , especially that early. Mostly because I deleted ,not saved them, not transferred them from phone to phone or posted them because I thought I looked so awful, tired, hair a mess, fat .. you name it. I would give anything to have more now, and when I do find one in an old phone or something I've actually kept them and they make me smile and go all mushy. I still look awful but that seems so irrelevant now and I honestly treasure them .

It might be upsetting today, but keep it. Some years before now it could be a treasured memory of you and your baby in the early days.

Get a grip! It’s a card and he tried.

Mother’s day always brings out the “motherzillas” on MN

so many entitled mum’s thinking the world and his wife owes them

That's MN Mothers day for you!

My faves are the "I told him I wasn't that fussed so just a card and flowers would be nice and he's bought me a card and flowers and I'm so upset" ones. Because he should have known OP didn't want this card or these flowers.

He's trying to tell you he prefers you with no make up and just as you are

It's a lovely thoughtful card.
YAB V U

I agree with this, there’s not many new mums who didn’t have an unreasonable moment with a newborn in the house.

Focus on the thought, not the execution of it x

😂

All I can think is that you’re new to mumsnet? 😩

When you’re feeling emotionally fragile and sensitive, one guaranteed way to make yourself feel a million times worse is to post in AIBU on Mother’s Day

Its akin putting yourself in stocks and asking bypassers to throw rotten tomatoes at you Im afraid.

Then LTB. Go and find your perfect man!

You are hugely ungrateful . And quite spoilt.