Why is being successful frowned upon by most on Mumsnet

[Teenangels]

I have been/seen on some threads that people, are negative towards those that have become successful, children go to private school means the kids are entitled.

Why can't we celebrate that some people get lucky with an idea, take risks, work incredibly hard and pay their fair share on taxes.

I have seen people demand that the OP gives their profits to charity without even knowing what the OP gives to charity.

We need to celebrate all in society.

You take out of it whatever you think, my principles are my own and your are yours.

I do hate the judgement and people would be up in arms if it was against someone who did not have much.

You do you

I think there could also be a thread directly under yours entitled "Why is there so much contempt on MN for people who work hard and never get anywhere?" - it's like if you are struggling it must be because you are stupid, lazy or somehow "less" than people are are managing (or doing very well for themselves).

I just think this reflects society; its an attitude that current government are keen to promote.

I disagree. It's luck more often than not. Luck and privilege.

You can't possibly assume people who went into those careers took no risks. You know nothing of their circumstances and the sacrifices they may have made. And again its measuring success as only financial.

A nurse saving lives and offering comfort or a teacher inspiring generations is far more of a successful person in my book.

That woman on the AMA thread also got criticised for using the NHS to give birth as her husband earnt over 200k. Why shouldn’t she.

No one frowns upon successful people here.

What is frowned upon is those who are successful but look down on those who aren't as "jealous" or "not worked hard enough" and moan about not getting help like people on benefits do.

And yet some on here are saying its only because of privilege

Yet some are also saying that people that do physical work should be paid more, those that work nights should be paid more, guess what that is what my husband has done, and still does. Everyone assumes that to be wealthy you have to do a MN high earner role.

Carers and cleaners do hard graft. I am a lawyer. I don't look down my nose at them. I graft too. People who strive get my admiration. People who don't, well no, I don't celebrate that. What has an individual done is key? What did they do?

Not. I have access to a lot of money. Difference is massive.

No reason at all. But the 200k husband is not her achievement. It is his hard work, is it not?

Oh my goodness, this is exactly what I was saying....... tearing people down.

I'm so far from women claiming credit for their husbands salaries. It is not 1950. Congrats to the husband. The woman did not earn it and is not "successful"

Yep I've noticed that anyone with a nanny is not allowed to have any problems/questions.

But perhaps that's not all of Mumsnet. I suspect that posts from well-to-do mum's catch the eye of people who feel bitter about that sort of thing, and they feel moved to post. Then after a bit you get a few people turning up and saying "what's wrong with working hard and earning lots of money?"*. While a lot of other users just scroll on by because they're not that interested in class warfare. In the meantime the poor OP's post asking for advice basically gets ignored.

So there is probably (or possibly?) a silent majority who don't hate well off people.

(I don't have a nanny btw)

*not helpful as it's obviously possible to be hardworking and skint.

But women don't support each other, this notion of a "sisterhood" is bullshit.
Women are as bitchy as hell, we judge each other constantly and martyrdom seems to be our sole objective in life

Just to clarify: I meant that cleaners and carers who work long hours (and those who have to work nights) deserve to be paid more than they currently are, not that they should be paid more than hedge fund managers or KCs or whatever. Most hard grafters in all professions have had to work a few nights to get where they are. But I do feel for those who work night shifts for decades as it’s shown to shorten life expectancy.

It sounds like your husband has worked hard to establish his business- good for him, of course that’s admirable. You said that he had to take some massive risks along the way. That is brave but just not always possible. What sort of financial/professional risks can someone take if they have absolutely 0 assets, no family money to fall back on, rent to pay and children to feed?

And in my experience some of the most successful people in financial terms aren’t necessarily the brightest, often far from it, as they’ve taken risks that someone with better understanding would never do, but they’ve paid off- which can be an element of luck

As I stated we took massive financial risk without any assets and had no family to fell back on, with at the time 1 child, We would have been left with nothing. I was working but that would have not paid all the bills.

His parents lived in a council house and did not have one qualification between them.

I think it's actually easier for people to think the people who are financially better off than them are all so due to privilege and luck (it will apply to some but not all) and for better off people to think those will less money is due to laziness and lack of effort (will apply to a minority but again not all).

That way, no one at the upper end has to consider how unequal society is & what they can do to reduce that.

No one at the other end also has to consider their choices may have led to different results.

It means neither side have to self reflect at all and blaming each other becomes the default.

It is impossible that everyone will have the same choice. And even when there is access to opportunity, not everyone takes it and not everyone values the same things. The OP is right that everyone should be celebrated for their version of success and not lambasted for daring to do well (whether from the ground up, with help from a stable home and family etc). A stable loving supportive family is one of the key ingredients for success and whilst the family you are born into is luck - it is within our power to try to be that for our own children. Thereby creating 'luck' for them. Easier to put it all on successive governments but there is a strong place personal responsibility and accountability too

And like I said- that is brave. But surely you can understand why some won’t take that risk? Bear in mind that others will have taken a similar risk to the one your husband did, in similar circumstances and for them it didn’t work out and they were left destitute and potentially poor for years or decades while they paid off their mistake. (Of course, the whole point of ‘risk’ is that taking one will pay off for some but not for others and than none of us will know how our risky decision works out until it’s happened!)

I couldn’t have taken such a risk with a child to support. Your husband did and I’m obviously really glad it worked out well, while also feeling desperately sad for those for whom the risk did not work out well.

In retrospect, your husband can look at the risk he took and see that it lead to success. Others will have taken the same risk and will look back on it as a mistake as it cost them everything.

OP, on here, everyone projects and people are usually talking at cross purposes. For some people, AIBU is their main social contact, so they take things too personally. They seem to think they are 'the norm' and all threads should reflect that, more or less. They lose sight of the fact this is the internet and anyone from any walk of life can post.

Anyway, it doesn't matter what invisible strangers think. I know what you mean, there does seem to be a lot of jealousy on here, but maybe that's society. People say things on here that they wouldn't say to your face. But the reality is, it's a load of nonsense, mostly, so who cares.

Its not so much 'frowned upon' as not praised and fawned over as much as some would prefer. The reason is that many people think success is very rarely solely down to the efforts of the individual, but due to multiple factors that typically include starting with some degree of advantage, which is usually minimised or conveniently overlooked by the person seeking praise.
Success generally starts with pre existing privilege and brings with it plenty of its own reward; so it seems a bit much to expect less privileged people to be applauding it to provide extra satisfaction on top.
(Of course these threads bring out the bootstrap millionaires, in disproportionate numbers to the amount of real life rags to riches stories, but even when genuine they are the exception not the norm.)

I don’t see how that’s relevant to what I said?

I am going to take some of the credit for my husband success, I was the one doing the paperwork, invoices, looking after the kids while he was working, as he could not leave work. I also made sacrifices.

I’ve always thought it was a bit of a flawed idea that hard work equals success and that anyone who isn’t ‘successful’ is lazy and can’t be arsed to help themselves. As I pointed out to my brother when he moans about paying taxes as a high earner that his tax goes to top up the shite wages of low paid workers that service his lifestyle and enable him to do long hours
like domestic help, dog walkers, nannies, supermarket deliveries, just eat deliveries and the like.

Why can't we celebrate that some people get lucky with an idea, take risks, work incredibly hard and pay their fair share on taxes

Can we celebrate the thousands of average or lower earning people who also work incredibly hard, pay their fair share of taxes and even take risks.that pay off financially but not quite to the level you are talking? And when I day celebrate, I mean not make comments like 'get a better paying job' to.those of us who are nurses, allied health professionals, teachers etc etc where having a good education is a prerequisite. And not making 'on benefits' comments to.those of.us.who are also single parents, who have disabled children or other caring responsibilities.

I don't have an issue with higher earners but society as a while does not respect that all lives are different, we all have burdens we're carrying, struggles we 're managing, and that we're not bad people just because we earn less.

When there is respect for everyone who is doing the best they can with the hand they've been dealt, then I'll celebrate.

Most poster applaud the worker in the profession you named, and I work as one. My point is that why the bitchy comments about those that have become more successful. I would call someone that works as a teacher successful.

As I stated why cant we celebrate everyone, and your post just confirms my OP.