Why is being successful frowned upon by most on Mumsnet

[Teenangels]

I have been/seen on some threads that people, are negative towards those that have become successful, children go to private school means the kids are entitled.

Why can't we celebrate that some people get lucky with an idea, take risks, work incredibly hard and pay their fair share on taxes.

I have seen people demand that the OP gives their profits to charity without even knowing what the OP gives to charity.

We need to celebrate all in society.

Re. those of that think a lot of “high earners” on here are full of shit - £60k is not a particularly high earner. However, the sheer volume of women on mumsnet that supposedly earn £120k and over is statistically impossible.

It's not though, its been about succes and myself and others have repeatedly pointed out that doesn't necessarily equate to wealth.

I don't know how you reach that conclusion @Segway16 . I have never earned as much again as I did before I hatched my chick, but I waited until I was 43 to do so. 25 years ago, I was earning the FTE of £80k, which is probably comparable given inflation, in eight (frantic) months each year. Had I not become a mum, that would have continued for years... at least five or so, which would have been (then) significant for a self-employed freelance.

But having held up the household while DP got his business up and running, I stepped back to do the parenting. I wanted to.

I concede the point about good fortune: I have been lucky in life all through. I am clever, I was pretty and I still (at 67) have two living parents (inheritance is never going to be significant though). I did win the jackpot, but my DP had a cardiac in an ambulance at 50 that would have been fatal had it not happened in an ambulance, I have had cancer and my DC has been through some turmoil too. Life throws shit at everyone. It's how you deal with it.

Because - depending which article you read - there are fewer than 100,000 women in the uk earning £120k or over. Most of them, it seems, happen to be on mumsnet.

I can assure you I do not earn 100,000, I am on at lot less.

I think MN will have more highly paid women than average though - it has a relatively MC demographic. I do know what you mean though @Segway16, there do seem to be a lot of high earner women on MN 😄. And even more women who don't work, but their DH is a high earner.

I (have to 😄) work.

As it happens, I have never earned £120k pa but I could show you my tax returns for 1998 proving that I earned £50k, for eight (very busy) months. There was no MN then; my email address was entirely numeric. My comms/information lifeline was my fax machine. I used a fax roll a week, every week, often more.

No gripes, no hardship: I loved every minute. Fascinating work with interesting, intellectually demanding clients. I was considerably less successful with kids.

I've been here 10 years.

It's not just a Mumsnet thing, it's a British thing. People don't like others to exceed here.

I take a look at the FIRE UK subreddit every now and again, and if anybody is doing well they're basically shot down... On a board that's all about financial independence and early retirement!

Name changes may make it appear there are more than you consider reasonable.

I didn’t realise you had asked me any questions. Are you sure you’re not mixing me up with a different poster?

As for success vs wealth… I saw the thread title and thought the thread was going to be about people who are doing well in life (in a generic sense) but when I opened the thread, realised it was really about professional success and wealth. Which is obviously fine and interesting as a topic thread in itself, but just got me thinking about how we use the word ‘successful’ and what people understand by it. The answers to your thread title could vary according to how people understand that word.

@Beezknees

I've been here 10 years.

Then why would you think this is a uniquely UK site for UK people? It's global. How can you not know that? There's even a topic specifically for Australian & NZ MNers. And there are thousands of Americans and people from pretty much every English speaking country. Plus English speakers from non English speaking countries.

10 years and you didn't know this?

I apologise I mis quoted you.

Success can mean different things to different people, wealth is one measure of that.

People on MN it would seem do not like any successful, whatever that measure is.

I have been on the site for 17 years and it was UK dominant as it is a London bas s internet forum. All the competitions are concerned with winning something in a UK context. Most people assume you are referencing the UK when discussing things, e.g schools, higher education, NHS

Schadenfreude
Envy/jealousy
Working class snobbery around how its thought monied people should or shouldn't talk in terms of their money

But surely this is where the argument falls down?

I've been a domiciliary care worker for 28 years. My real time pay is less than NMW.

Up until two years ago, I worked 80/90 hours a week (for 40/50 hours' pay).
I used to work 7am until 10pm, five days a week. I recently adjusted it to 9am until 10pm five days a week - because I'm getting older now, and I physically can't do those hours.

Are you implying that I haven't "worked hard"? My sector is on its knees. Those of us who are committed to keeping Adult Social Care going are on our knees with sheer exhaustion.

In my 13 hour day, I'm caring for people who are frail, with dementia, who have acute mental health problems, people with mobility issues, medications, suicidal ideations, family breakdowns, adults with autism.
I'm feeding, bathing, carrying out continence care.
I'm speaking to GPs, District Nurses, Physios, OTs, pharmacists, paramedics, social workers.
I'm dealing with families of all shapes and sizes, often unhealthy dynamics.
I'm doing Palliative Care alongside bereavement care.

Please don't insinuate I'm not "working hard".

Where have I said that you are not working hard, I have and would never say that….

What I am saying is that people on MN are saying that people who are wealthier than them have done it through privilege and then tell them what to do with their money basically sneering at people, do you think that people that have money have not worked hard? I have said we should celebrate everyone not bring people down. Its simple really.

I don't think being successful is frowned upon, but being tone deaf is.

What do you consider being tone deaf?

I have seen many posters including the recent AMA, getting awful comments just for the sake of it.

www.facebook.com/share/v/YjjVML8xVuAKGV5X/?mibextid=KsPBc6

^^ @Teenangels this might help you (if you have an open enough mind and heart) to appreciate the amount of hours you spend at work isn't as big a part of your success as you might imagine. Social mobility is much more unusual than the movies would have you believe.

I think if you had a bit more of an open mind you might be willing to consider that the privilege and circumstances of the family you are born into has a much bigger impact on the likelihood of material success (as well as health outcomes etc).

I didn't choose which family I was born into (luckily it was fairly financially privileged as I wouldn't have been able to take many steps in the race in the video I linked) I wasn't aware we could choose our birth families, must have missed the memo

The more I practise the luckier I get 🤷‍♀️

Perhaps you should read my comments.

Husband left school at 15, parents lived in a council house and did not have one qualification between them.

We started with nothing.

@Teenangels you started with nothing, gained some wealth, and lost your humanity.
Congrats.

Really lost my humanity!!!

Congrats you have just shown why I did this AIBU.

Insults really, again makes my point.

Take care.