To be annoyed at lack of effort on Mother’s Day?

[Redrobin3]

Hi MN,
I’m a SAHM to a 2 year old. DH works hard and I completely appreciate what he does for us. However, I’m a little annoyed that he’s barely acknowledged Mother’s Day. Brought me in some flowers and chocolate last night but today he’s just been quiet and not even acknowledged the day. All I’ve had is half hearted “what do you want to do”
Hasn’t even told DD it’s Mother’s Day, couldn’t be bothered to write a card. I know “I’m not his mother” but I do everything - all childcare, housework, nursery stuff, cooking, organising days out/holidays. AIBU for expecting a little more effort?

Tbh DH is pretty relaxed and wouldn’t bat and eye lid if I told him I had booked a spa weekend Mother’s Day for myself. He’d happily take care of DD.
I’ll be booking it next year!

YANBU.

It sound as though his attitude is the problem. His emotional indifference - and when you make a big effort on Father’s Day and other occasions.

You wanted ‘a few kind words’. This is not unreasonable. It would have been nice had he reciprocated your kindness.

Sometimes, it’s the little things that hurt the most - small omissions, even if other things are in place.

It sounds as though this could be emblematic of a deeper problem. Division of labour, effort made on holidays generally, and how to express appreciation of each other.

Good could come out of this if it prompts a meaningful talk.

Sending hugs 💓💓💓

TBH, my DH is the same. It’s not that he doesn’t love me - or the kids - it’s just that they don’t ‘get’ the fuss over the day, so doesn’t realise that it might actually be significant to me. It’s me being silly, really.

Do that!

@IanCurtisdancing

lavender shortbread sounds rank

@BusyMummy001

your family should have done something for you today , no ifs or buts. You deserve better. Deffo take yourself off to a spa next year!!

@JPGR

why on earth not?! Women should be spoiled especially mums

@Redrobin3

”I don’t do anything for myself, I’m just Mum”

this is absolutely NOT ok and needs changing NOW!

you are a person not just a mum.

You are not less important than your child.

but I do everything - all childcare, housework

You do this because it’s your job. Unpaid. But this literally is your job.

Good idea. Reclaim mother's day for yourself. Instead of relying on others to make it special for you, take the reins and create your own lovely day.

@PeggPuff

well no, her husband should do some of that stuff too presuming he doesn’t work 24/7 7 days a week

Hard working, bought flowers and chocolate, asked what you wanted to do, is relaxed and would gladly look after DD while you went on a spa day. Sounds pretty near perfect to me.

That isn't really fair is it? If the subject is that sensitive you should have avoided the thread as I would have done during my IVF cycles. Still stand by my comment though. Why should it be banned? Getting a card from my eldest is still something I appreciate as I dreamt of it during long years of trying.

I'm so surprised at the comments suggesting OP is entitled then adding 'my mother died', 'my husband and me are heading for a divorce' and 'I don't have children' or 'I didn't get anything on valentines or mothers day' so what? So everyone should suffer. I'd rather hear from people who are in stable marriages as a barometer.

I have mixed opinions on this. I made a meal for my DM yesterday as she is at my DB today. I don't have the best relationship with her and never will but, I do feel compelled to do something.

Otoh I have dc 16 & 14 both have said happy mother's day and carried on with their day, I know they have got me something as DH took them out to get it but I still have yet to receive it. I am genuinely not at all bothered. Teens can be selfish but I don't think its deliberate. Although, when mine were little DH used to facilitate the cards/choc/ flowers and they enjoyed giving them to me.
Your DH made the effort, but it would have been nicer if he had given it to you today 🤷. Take yourself off for a nice bath/glass of wine/paint your nails and tell DH to mind your dc.

Myself and DH went out for coffee on our own it was lovely.

You do realise there is a middle ground that can be occupied?

Well, for starters, where did I say it should be banned? I didn’t. Secondly, if anything we are on the same page - it should be about small and thoughtful gestures like cards and bunches of flowers. My objection is to the ridiculous pressure and commercialism of it all, where the sentiment is lost. That apparently makes me a killjoy.

Perhaps make your own effort and celebrate how great you know you are.

OP does your DH show support to you in other ways? Such as looking after your child in the morning at weekends or whenever his days are off work?

It's early days for you both adjusting to SAHPing and having a young child. I willed these kind words to come, eventually over time I began to feel appreciated by all the actions DH took, in support of our family life - he's not that wordy!

It's taken a few years, plus another child for our relationship to settle into this new life so I can understand how you may not feel valued at the moment and days like this sting, I hope it comes and then you can see this day for what it really is, just another day!

The number of posts on here saying OP should accept the bare minimum and be grateful for it is wild to me.

Perhaps they are (deliberately?) missing the point that OP was looking for genuine acknowledgement rather than chocolates and flowers? Maybe. Presumably many of them are happy, or have had to be happy, without it? I guess. I just wish they knew that's it's OK to have higher standards.

This.

Some flowers and chocolates from the petrol station on the way home the day before don't really cut it as "I care a lot about you and your feelings" to me at all.

This, it's just like Christmas everyone is brainwashed.
Just because some women in America decided on Mothers Day everyone has to follow suit not.

I'm annoyed at mothers sulking, being nasty and abusing others on mothers day.

I've always felt dread coming up to this time of year.

Nobody enjoys it.

Mothers are really nasty and cruel on the day. My friend just rang me in tears because her mother rang her and shouted at her for not doing something

I would say slight a-hole as he works all day to earn the money to keep a roof over your head and the bills paid which enables you to be home with the child all day instead of saying let's put dc in day care so you can work and contribute to all the bills etc... yes maybe a card wouldn't have hurt but some mums would love to be in your position instead of barely seeing their child cos they work crazy hours to keep their family afloat x

Sorry but the majority of people on mumsnet are so weird about special occasions and gifts. There is nothing wrong with wanting a bit of magic and effort to be put into a special day. Life is pretty boring so why not make days like Easter, valentines, mother's day, wedding anniversaries a bit more special?? It's fun and it's lovely to receive a thoughtful gift and it's bizarre that people try to act on here that they would HATE it. I don't get it at all.