To be annoyed at lack of effort on Mother’s Day?

[Redrobin3]

Hi MN,
I’m a SAHM to a 2 year old. DH works hard and I completely appreciate what he does for us. However, I’m a little annoyed that he’s barely acknowledged Mother’s Day. Brought me in some flowers and chocolate last night but today he’s just been quiet and not even acknowledged the day. All I’ve had is half hearted “what do you want to do”
Hasn’t even told DD it’s Mother’s Day, couldn’t be bothered to write a card. I know “I’m not his mother” but I do everything - all childcare, housework, nursery stuff, cooking, organising days out/holidays. AIBU for expecting a little more effort?

As I have never had the opportunity to be a mother, perhaps you might want to re-think your insensitive comment.

Seemed weird, just like paragraphs of bragging (doesn't sound appealing to me-the swimming, rubbing feet etc) for no reason.
OP got gifts, so her bloke did make an effort 🤷🏼‍♀️

How smug.

So mothers aren't allowed to celebrate? How curmudgeonly

Tbf my post was meant to be a reply to a post up thread and without it isn’t that helpful to OP so I’ve asked MN to delete

So women complaing are not grateful enough, women praising are smug? Can't win

What did he do last year? You really need to communicate. He got flowers and a card which is nice and thoughtful and has asked what you would like to do. Tell him what you would like to do. Some women are not fussed by the day and would be happy with that, others want to make it feel more special. There is no right or wrong.

I like to celebrate the day and for me I like to have afternoon tea either homemade or out and have an evening meal cooked by dh or a takeaway. We do presents and homemade cards and go for a walk or out to softplay. Today we have the kids swimming class and are doing a late lunch followed by a food shop. We've had a bereavement and I want a more chilled day so have told dh that.

And child is also at nursery!

@WinterMorn

when you told her to stop being so ungrateful maybe?

@IanCurtisdancing it was so smug it was sickening! From someone whose husbands and grown up sons treat me wonderfully!

But OP doesn't need to hear about your lavender shortbread and brownies!

TBH it was a very smug post.

It was delightful shortbread tbf.

Enjoy your shortbread

We have the same posts every year

either you have a shit uncaring husband or there’s been a breakdown of communication around expectations. One is fixable and one isn’t.

OP, sounds like the second for you - don’t be afraid to ask for what you would like!

I do make a big effort for Father’s Day. I make a big effort for all the occasions and always have done for him even when I earned my own money he was spoiled.
Of course I made a big deal out of the flowers he got me but it felt more like he had to do it rather than actually wanting to.
I think people have hit the nail on the head about half arsed effort and me feeling unappreciated.
I wasn’t expecting a big gesture, I thought a few kind words towards me or something. Last years mothers day was similar but I have communicated I’d like more effort or even a day to myself at a spa or something
DD is only in nursery 6 hours a week to socialise, in that time I do some food shopping / cleaning. I don’t do anything for myself, I’m just Mum and I don’t have any family support etc.
We haven’t done anything much so far today and it’s been lovely. I suppose I wanted to feel a bit more appreciated and I’ll have to discuss it with DH later.

I do everything - all childcare, housework, nursery stuff, cooking, organising days out/holidays.

Well, here's the crux of the issue. If you're doing all of this, is your husband literally just going to work? Does he do nothing at home, or less than before you had a child? If so, he needs to do MORE. I'll never understand these men who have a child, thus producing more chores, and then decide that their response to this scenario will be to do less housework. You need equal leisure time, OP.

'I don’t do anything for myself, I’m just Mum'

How depressing. Time to change that.

They are a laugh though

@IanCurtisdancing I'm sure it was delightful unlike your response to a mother that is upset.

Glad you enjoyed it, I'm sure it tasted even sweeter boasting about it to someone feeling down.

It is Mother's Day though - not wife's day. Bunch of daffs and a card is all that is needed and time spent with the kids. A spa day?? seriously.

You can read the rest of my posts if you feel like it.

My DH pulled a bottle of champagne out of the cupboard (left over from xmas) and wrote a ‘happy mothers’ day’ message. Not for me, apparently, but an openly passive aggressive gesture to guilt the kids for not having done anything. For context, both my kids are on the spectrum, one with ADHD who has been ill for 2 weeks with covid followed by a chest and eye infection; youngest is 15 revising for GCSE mocks next week. DH also getting over a milder form of covid from about 2weeks ago, but wfh and was back ft in the office this week.

The gesture pissed me off, so I put it all away before the kids got up. No MD wishes or even acknowledgement as a result, other than a lovely message/photo/thank you from MiL for the flowers I sent her.

I have low expectations of being acknowledged and tell myself every year that it’s just a commercial thing and, this year, that everyone was sick/busy/autistic… but I clearly still harbour the fantasy that between them one of them will take 2mins to pop onto Amazon Prime or Interflora to arrange a surprise gift. And no matter how irrational it is, I am absolutely gutted they didn’t.

Booking myself a fucking spa weekend way next year.

@IanCurtisdancing no thanks, I've read enough.

My daughter brought a card from the two of them. It was lovely and all I need

Wellllll you are on tricky ground here because flowers and chocolate are a really nice touch.

But if you were hoping for something different/more then in the run-up to next Mother's Day you could communicate that: "it's Mother's Day in 4 weeks, can we plan for you to look after darling x why I go and get a massage?" Or "do you mind being on bedtime duty so I can chill with a glass of wine" or whatever

Remember most men (and me) aren't even that great about honouring their own mothers on Mother's Day... probably just think it's a bit of a non-event (like Valentine's Day) so if it means a lot to you and you have expectations you need to make that clear!

My OH is away today and I suspect he may not even bring a card home as he's been busy. But! He's a lovely supportive dad and husband