To be annoyed at lack of effort on Mother’s Day?

[Redrobin3]

Hi MN,
I’m a SAHM to a 2 year old. DH works hard and I completely appreciate what he does for us. However, I’m a little annoyed that he’s barely acknowledged Mother’s Day. Brought me in some flowers and chocolate last night but today he’s just been quiet and not even acknowledged the day. All I’ve had is half hearted “what do you want to do”
Hasn’t even told DD it’s Mother’s Day, couldn’t be bothered to write a card. I know “I’m not his mother” but I do everything - all childcare, housework, nursery stuff, cooking, organising days out/holidays. AIBU for expecting a little more effort?

What it sounds like is he's put some effort in, but not close to the amount of effort you put in for say Father's Day, and the amount you want, which bothers you. I think this is what you need to address.

Just tell him. It's annoying when men put in way way less effort than women for something like a birthday or celebration but everybody rallies round to tell you how spoilt you are, when actually you just want similar consideration from your partner as you give to them.

I agree that getting a card from your 2 year old on their behalf would be nice.

You might have to tell him what you want next year. It sounds like he isn't someone who is very good at 'treating' you or knowing what you want or how to spoil you.

To get what you want, tell him next year (eg: card for dd, lie in, breakfast in bed, spa, meal at such and such, or a nice whatever gift) so he can makes plans. If he still fucks up, then you really have something to feel v disappointed. It's nice he got flowers and chocs though.. could have given them to you today rather than last night.

Since when has buying flowers and chocolate a big effort? Poor lamb had to go to a SHOP??

@WinterMorn

I’m sure op does a lot for her family. I’m not sure she has to fall herself with immense gratitude for a bunch of flowers and some chocs

@BeaRF75

he hasn’t made a big effort

Unloved and unappreciated. Jealous of all the other mum's who get spoiled today.

It is not mothering Sunday anymore. That was replaced by mother's day many, many years ago.

The child could make something now. My dc managed to scribble a card to her dad for his birthday recently. She is 14 months old. I am sure a 2 year old could manage something.

@Sashamalia

it doesn’t mean nothing to anyone as you said it means something to a lot of mothers. Or do they not count?

@DiscoDragon so sorry you feel that way. So sorry there are many people who feel this way today by the looks of things. I'm even more sorry to see people being put down for feeling the way they do. Ultimately Mothers Day may not mean a lot to some mum's but it does to others. It's all relative. Everyone enjoys being spoilt.

@Muddywalks34

its Mother’s Day, why are you cooking?!

and yes you chose to have kids but that doesn’t mean you can’t be celebrated and spoilt on one bloody day of the year! Up your standards for yourself girl! 😊

No it hasn't. It is still celebrated by many in the church of England etc.

I’m not sure.

Going against the grain here OP, I potentially don’t think you’re being that unreasonable. But not because I think you should get a spa treatment or something - or spoilt in material way. I think it’s because it would have been better if he just got you a card with a heartfelt, even if very short, message. It’s shit when people don’t acknowledge special days. He did mind, by getting you not one but two gifts. Is it that you hate flowers and chocolates and he should know you better? Or that cards are really important to you? I always take a lot of time writing a nice message, whatever the occasion and person. Little things like the lack of thought in what we like can sometimes make us blow things out of proportion when already overstretched - I find, personally. We remember these moments unfortunately, more than the good ones a lot of the time too of course! So try not to let it spoil your day.

You do need to tell him though why you’re disappointed. But if you love flowers and chocolates, you are being unfair, I think.

Final thing to say is I think it helps to not hold others to your same standards. I’ll get flamed for this but hear me out. Eg while I take time writing messages, I quickly learned my husband is a man of very words. His love language is very different to mine.

@Snugglemonkey You are not wrong. But it seems the dad does little parenting to be able to supervise such an activity which is a shame. I guess I was hoping he assumed the kid was too young, which is still a possibility, though incorrect. He probably is just selfish in some ways.
But he's got her chocs and flowers, and is presumably taking her out so not 100% bad.

To most people, today is about mothers, not churches.

This is what all men should be like

I expect that's made OP feel heaps better 🙄

I think flowers and chocolate are lovely for mother's day I don't see the problem really, it doesn't need to be a massive over the top day .

Apparently not, women should be grateful for the bare minimum according to some pps!

And where did I suggest she should offer an effusive and enthusiastic response?

Raise standards. Don’t be a martyr.

@IanCurtisdancing why did you post that?

To show that some make an effort

It was meant to be a reply to someone - it sounds rub it in without context which wasn’t the intention.
but not all men are shit.