To be annoyed at lack of effort on Mother’s Day?

[Redrobin3]

Hi MN,
I’m a SAHM to a 2 year old. DH works hard and I completely appreciate what he does for us. However, I’m a little annoyed that he’s barely acknowledged Mother’s Day. Brought me in some flowers and chocolate last night but today he’s just been quiet and not even acknowledged the day. All I’ve had is half hearted “what do you want to do”
Hasn’t even told DD it’s Mother’s Day, couldn’t be bothered to write a card. I know “I’m not his mother” but I do everything - all childcare, housework, nursery stuff, cooking, organising days out/holidays. AIBU for expecting a little more effort?

Sometimes it’s more about what is said and done rather than material presents. A ‘Happy Mother’s day’ and a kiss/cup of tea made is worth much more than chocolates and flowers. OP’s isn’t upset about the lack of material gifts but the general attitude from her husband. Unfortunately I suspect this is how he acts in general and not just in relation to Mother’s Day.

yabu. i got a fat fuck all for today. got fuck all for valentines. in fact we are headed towards divorce. we have a young baby together who is teething. my mum died 2 years ago from brain cancer. today is hard. eat your chocolates, look at your flowers and be grateful

’picking up the slack in other areas’ is fine.

Taking on ALL the load of planning, preparation and execution is a totally different thing. That is not ‘picking up slack’.

Too many women in heterosexual relationships do this regardless of who goes ‘out to work’.

Totally agree with @Nctodayjan24
One child, as a SAHM, presumably in some kind of daycare. The mental load??
Flowers, chocolates, being asked what she wants to do today.....
JFC. What more is needed?!

Sounds ok to me.

My 'D'H hasn't bothered at all. My 5 year old DD gave me a card she made at school but he hasn't acknowledged it's mother's day at all. He can't have forgotten as we are taking his mum out for afternoon tea and he's off into town to get his own mum a card... feel very deflated. I look after both girls without him most of the time as he works away and we get 4 days a month together.

I love looking after my girls but feel resentful when he can't even say as much as 'Happy mother's day'.

Life evolves, and like it or not, it does now exist here.
But sadly, it’s a day that makes some people unhappy because they’re reminded of what they don’t have.

Effectively you're saying that because you didn't get anything today or valentines that OP should be grateful for what she did get?

Sorry that you're heading for a divorce but clearly that is not a good benchmark for OP today if your DH and you have all but given up.

As someone who longed for a mother my entire life I can empathise with how today might be hard.

He did make an effort.

If I only impart one piece of wisdom it's this.

Stop expecting your partner to pull out the stops on Mother's Day. Otherwise every year you'll be disappointed.

Birthdays / Christmas fair enough, but this day is often a blind spot for partners because you aren't their mother.

Settle for something small. Flowers and chocolate already a win. For me, I had a card and a bacon sandwich in bed. Perfect.

Flowers and chocolate - what more do you want? I'm in bed with a cold, my son (who lives away) texted a greeting on his way to work and my 18 year old DD doesn't even realise it's Mothers Day.
Frankly you need to spell it out of you want something - like 'how about we go out to lunch'.

And don't forget the sunscreen

I'm usually on the side of women who's partner's don't make much effort for special days for them but I think yabu here. You got flowers and chocolates. It would have been nice to get a card but I wouldn't dwell on it. Match the effort on father's day though - if you usually do a lot more for him then don't. Just keep mother's/father's day a low key affair.

My toddler brought me a peppa pig mother's day card that she picked out and a pair of pyjamas she picked. I've ordered a mcdonalds breakfast and will relax until I have to go to work later. Perfect!

Sounds fine to me. Your daughter is only two. In a couple of years she will make you a card.

Maybe for you maybe. Killjoy.

I agree with putting the same effort in for Father’s Day as he has shown for Mother’s Day.
Buy him a bunch of flowers and some chocolate then put the ball in his court. Ask him what he wants to do.
I think it’s very important to feel appreciated in a relationship.
You either do or you don’t.
My adult dd are taking me out for lunch plus I’m taking my mum.
I’ve also booked a treat for my mum later and I know she is looking forward to it.
Feeling unappreciated is when the rot sets in. Everyone should take heed of that.

She's not going to war planning preparing and executing a military operation, it's a family of 3 with one person at home full time.
Everyone fed no one dead. Its not rocket science...

What were you expecting, Cartier? You got two gifts, flowers and chocolates, and he’s asked how you want to spend the day. I think YABU and acting like a spoilt brat tbh.

This is why people should keep off social media on days like this. You’ve probably seen some crazy posts about peoples’ plans for the day - expensive meals, walks at some grand stately home, balloons and delivered bouquets. Sometimes grand gestures are used to mask issues going on in a family - doesn’t necessarily mean they’re living the dream. Flowers and chocolates is a great effort. Just take control of the day and make it something that you want, whether it’s chilling at home having some finger food and playing games, or out for a walk somewhere local. Don’t put pressure on the day.

Spoken like a true man.

Haven't rtft, but I think OP has a point. Flowers and chocolates, lovely.

Flowers and chocolates brought in last night when DC was presumably asleep sounds a bit "job done, box ticked".

Flowers and chocolates handed over this morning by the 2yo is so much nicer. And acknowledges the day on the day. And shows the DC how to show affection and care for someone she loves.

Wow.. so a little woman (which I am and a mother of two daughters) couldn't possibly have an opinion.

I presume he's not expecting you to go above and beyond for father's day?

Poor guy.

He enables you to be a SAHP, gets you flowers and chocolates, and asks what you want to do today.

Yet you’re annoyed because he’s not told a 2yo that it’s Mother’s Day and you posted this at 9am 🙄