Mothers Day... to be furious ..

[skiimmed]

That my eldest daughter keeps
Telling me how broke she is , despite part time work through uni and spending plenty on herself, and that she won't be getting me anything , not even a card for Mother's Day?
I have sacrificed so much for her to go to uni... in Ireland..I am
A single parent who works full time so my kids can be educated and have what they need and I feel hurt and angry .
AIBU

oh sorry wrong thread! will ask to be removed

What a load of nonsense. Saying it to her mum in the first place is selfish and entitled. Also, no need to spend money to make someone feel special. Can do a home made card with a home made pamper day. cook a nice meal, etc It's not hard to try and make someone feel special through acts of service. Remember spoilt entitled children still have to live in the real world without their doting parents hovering to cater to their every need.

Bullshit. A card is 50p. Thought and effort cost pennies

That's pretty poor on her behalf. I would have a chat with her and tell her how your feeling.

Mother's day does not have to cost. She could have thoughtfully made you a poem or made a card herself. I would have done that and have done, when younger and skint. Or said she would do some chores for you or look after you for the day.

It's about being thoughtful and not the cost.

I think it’s wrong not to get you a card. A gift. No id not expect that and call you the grabby one, but a card, yes she should do that.

You can buy cards for 99p in the Card Shop!

That's grim. How hurtful. Of course she could afford a card and a small gift such as a plant or some chocolates.

I would be hurt too - a small thoughtful gesture is expected for a loving parent. If she forgot or left it too late, she could send a lovely message and promise to cook you a meal or something kind. But to announce in advance she's not bothering with a card / anything, that's hurtful and it does make her sound selfish.

many parents make your mıstake

ıt ıs not the job of a parent to make sure theır chıld ıs well educated beyond the state requırements

any further educatıon or betterment ıs solely the responsıbılıty of the adult chıld

I haven't read the thread. Sorry. But my mum was very clear with her DC that she felt Mothers Day was a fake day in the calendar so she didnt want us to do anything. (I do think a large part of that was self-protection - my dad was a selfish man). My ex's mother was the total opposite - highly manipulative and would be mega upset if the largest bunch of flowers didn't turn up. Our young adult DC is now refusing to do anything for mother's day, and has openly said they only do father's day because their dad would sulk. BUT and I think this is the important thing - they came home from college during the week and hoovered a lot of the house. This morning they put a load of washing on, before going off to volunteer. Then this afternoon they have mowed the lawn and done some other bits in the garden. So the Mother's Day bit tomorrow - I don't care. I know that my DC knows what I do for them and they appreciate that all year round.

Maybe she might surprise you with a card tomorrow

I don't do Mothers' Day/mothering sunday. I am a devoted and helpful daughter, I run around after my parents and support them endlessly. However, I completely hate the way this day is made the focus of expectations about appropriate behaviour, and I am not doing it. I watched my own mother tie herself in knots over her relationship with her mother, and then pass on all sorts of crap to us, her children, about how we were supposed to behave on this particular day. No. No. No. I stopped doing anything for mothering Sunday years ago and I have NEVER asked my own son to do anything, or even mentioned it.

OP, it's not wrong to want your daughter to show you consideration and kindness, but take the pressure off this day. It's really not a measure of the quality of your relationship, or her love for you, or how well you've brought her up.

We never did much for Mother's Day. Mine are 18 (at home) and 20 (away). I don't think they even realise it's Mothers Day tomorrow and to be honest even with the threads on MN it was only a pop up in my calendar that I realised myself .
But the fact your DD does it's a shame she can't come up with something.

"You only miss the water when the well runs dry"....Turn off the water on a few occasions.

Why would he "wait on me for a day"? I find the whole "Mother's Day" thing a bit ridiculous and needy. I've never bothered with it, or Father's Day.

My son is an adult and doesn't live at home now. Neither my husband nor I nor my son need a special day to be thoughtful and nice to each other. Birthdays are special because that's the individual's own day- but a random, generic day just because I'm his mother. Absolutely not.

on her birthday , make sure to tell her how skint you are from working non stop to pay her uni . She will get the message .

I'm surprised that do many posters expect so much for mothers day!

I think it would be more hurtful if she forgot/didn't bother with your birthday.

Maybe she just doesn't see Mothers day as an important day? Everyone is saying that she could buy a card and chocolates/flowers- so impersonal and thoughtless when you think about it. Meaningful time together or a well thought gift is means so much more-regardless of price spent on it.

I do see where you're coming from in terms of her spending on herself but i do think you were too quick to get upset about her saying she wouldn't buy you a gift, you could've just said you'd like to spend some time together. Maybe she thinks you want a gift that costs more than she's willing to pay for mothers day?

This sounds very toxic. You were very quick to chat shit about your daughter because she didn't spend money on you. Which one is materialist?

Seriously??!! I was buying gifts for my parents out of my pocket money while I was still at school. I would not be at all proud of a child who was too selfish to buy even just a card and a block of chocolate (or something similar) to show their appreciation for this "selfless act." I would be disappointed, and YANBU OP.

Really surprised at all the responses against OP's daughter.
Mother's day has become a commercialised day.
It doesn't mean anything.
OP, what is important is what your DD is like on the other 364 days a year.
Don't place such importance on this one day.
My DC have spent the week asking me what I'd like to do for Mother's day and what I'd like for a present.....I've told them not to worry about it! It's just a made up day IMO!

I really don't understand what's so hard to get about the idea that just because one poster might not see it as important, made up day, etc another does. I don't think it needs to be a circus of special events but a small thoughtful gesture to a mother who DOES value it is entirely appropriate and withholding it as the OP's DD is going is bordering in spiteful assuming they have a decent relationship normally. My mum actually loves her tulips and milk tray every year. DSis and I usually cook or we go out for lunch. Low key but nice. It's not hard and means a lot TO HER so why not do it?

Sorry but I got a lovely card from home bargains for 50p?! That’s awful xxxx

I mean you say it's a "Hallmark Holiday" like you are far too cool to bother, but it really isn't it's a traditional celebration, I think it's nice for children to give their mum a card or if they are too young .then dad should organise it.

It’s fine not to celebrate the day. And say you don’t do hallmark holidays and your
amazing kids act like every day is Mothers Day. But if someone does want to celebrate, and it means something to them and their partners and kids are aware, then it’s nice to do something for them.