Mothers Day... to be furious ..

[skiimmed]

That my eldest daughter keeps
Telling me how broke she is , despite part time work through uni and spending plenty on herself, and that she won't be getting me anything , not even a card for Mother's Day?
I have sacrificed so much for her to go to uni... in Ireland..I am
A single parent who works full time so my kids can be educated and have what they need and I feel hurt and angry .
AIBU

Personally I’d tell her that you feel upset and disappointed after all you do for her.

My 22 year old son is exactly like this too. He has always lacked even an ounce an empathy since he was a child and I’ve often thought that he may be narcissistic

my 18 yr old on the other hand is an absolute delight and has more empathy than anyone I know

And thats lovely that she's not a selfish or self absorbed person and just doesn't buy into the commercialism of things.
You're failing to realise that he wasn't just like this with his mum, he was like it with ALL OF US, she just got the worst of it, the biggest lash outs and the biggest lies, we all got the same but to a lesser extent.

You can't say that because someone is being selfish, it must have to do with the relationship with the mother and she is somehow to blame for it. That may be the case sometimes but you're assuming it must be the case, there must be a "backstory"

we will have to agree to disagree that you know this mother and son relationship as though you lived and breathed it 🤷

Ok you know best stranger on the Internet, not acknowledging that we all experienced it but to a lesser extent, even though we weren't his mother so the mother/child dymanic doesn't apply. Maybe the whole huge family is just toxic towards one person and every other person misremembers every single thing they were involved in.

You have a lovely day tomorrow.

I think it’s reasonable to expect kids, whatever their age, to send a card.

i repeat

i know nothing of your family.

But i do know that no one on the outside looking in on a relationship knows everything about that relationship . And bizarre you think otherwise

but clearly we won’t agree on that point

We're talking about sometimes it's just personality though, and that it's not always a bad mother relationship behind it like you assumed with the OP, hence my inclusion of others who aren't the mother or child in my example, and that there were lies proven to be so. You're conveniently ignoring that though so that you don't have to acknowledge that it can just be personality traits and not something the mother has done, so we're done here, I agree.

My daughter has asked if I'd like to go for breakfast and a walk on the beach tomorrow morning for Mothers day and has asked another of my children if she can contribute to a present that they bought so I feel so much better now. Thanks for all
Replies x

👍

So you are raising your children to be selfish and self centred and to not think of others?
MD is a lovely celebration for a lot of us. Most children and teenagers get pleasure for buying for their mums and seeing them happy. You are fine not to acknowledge it but lots of mums - and children - love it and telling people to grow up became of that is rude and unpleasant.

lovely

so you didn’t mention a thing to her about your fury. She just changed her mind of her own accord?

I didn't say a word. It came entirely from her.

Shes only done it because you were pissed off though. So I'd not be pleased with that

Why on earth did you assume so negatively of her? reread your Op… you’re furious, she’s selfish, entitled, you’re going to tell her “home truths”

so in the space of a few hours she’s gone from saying she won’t get a card and you furious.

to now contributing to present. and taking you for breakfast and a walk tomorrow.

without any comment from you.

Wow!

I assumed so negatively because this is her form. She clearly got a pang of guilt or something.

so no backdrop or backstory

but you immediately get furious and going to tell her home truths

ok

Do you not believe this ?@KeenAnt
Regardless, she has given me that invitation and I'm relieved that somewhere in there is a conscience.

I haven't got my own DM anything this weekend as I have had stressful stuff happening recently and not in the headspace for this weekend. I am not feeling great about it, don't get me wrong.

OP hopefully she makes it up to you.

I'm
Sorry that my post is not sitting right with you@KeenAnt . This is exactly what happened in the last ten minutes so I wanted to update.

and i am pleased for you

perhaps give your daughter the benefit of the doubt in future rather than going straight to fury and wanting to tell her home truths (whatever that means)

Thank you for the update @skiimmed

I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow

Meh. If she cared she would at least get you a card. I’ve got my mother nothing because I resent her for good reason.

Yes, YABU. She didn’t ask to be given life. Any and everything you do and give your child is because you intrinsically have wanted to do that, and not because you expect something in return.