Page 3 | Mothers Day... to be furious ..

skiimmed · 2024-03-09T13:52:21+00:00

That my eldest daughter keeps Telling me how broke she is , despite part time work through uni and spending plenty on herself, and that she won't be getting me anything , not even a card for Mother's Day? I have sacrificed so much for her to go to uni... in Ireland..I am A single parent who works full time so my kids can be educated and have what they need and I feel hurt and angry . AIBU

BIossomtoes · 09/03/2024 14:42

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Jesus. I bet life’s fun in your house. It’s going to be a hell of a shock to your kids when they discover most people expect to receive birthday and Christmas gifts and their partner’s mum gets her love and hard work recognised on Mothers’ Day.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 09/03/2024 14:42

skiimmed · 09/03/2024 14:08

Thank you. I understand that by having children I am immediately sacrificing for them but my other children are so kind and n thoughtful not even in a mercenary way but just thoughtful and generous .
I intend tomorrow to calmly tell her that I'm hurt and angry and that while
My role is to provide, I have gone over and above at times, as she knows , but her selfishness and grabbiness feels shameful to me as her mother. She will then go back to uni for the week so it will give her some
Time to reflect I hope .
She will shout and fight back and play the victim but as I'm
Going out for the afternoon tomorrow I will not be entertaining it and won't have to spend any time with her sulking about being told some home truths .

Tell her today, so she has a chance to fix it.

BingoMarieHeeler · 09/03/2024 15:52

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I tend to agree tbh 😬 I am a mother to 3, don’t really mind what happens tomorrow. I do feel a tad bad I haven’t sent my mother a card but hopefully she can appreciate I have loads on and it’s commercialised nonsense.

I thought Mother’s Day is about men (not sure what profession? Soldiers maybe? Farmers?) back in the day going back to their mother parish apparently and going to church there and while they’re there saying hi to their mums. Who cares 😄

If DD is fab and nice and kind to OP day to day then that’s that isn’t it?

ohdamnitjanet · 09/03/2024 15:54

skiimmed · 09/03/2024 14:13

She lives in rented accommodation in the city and comes home
To work weekends.
She is relatively independent. Cooks , does her own laundry but I'm a taxi for her as we are rural.

I hope the taxi runs out of petrol this weekend.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 09/03/2024 15:54

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/03/2024 14:14

What a horrible post.

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It's not a horrible post. It's another point of view.

Wellhellooooodear · 09/03/2024 15:54

I'd be hurt rather than angry. I mean a bunch of daffs and a card isn't going to break the bank.

MooseOnTour · 09/03/2024 15:55

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SpringLobelia · 09/03/2024 15:58

Tell her how you feel.

She's young and selfish right now but she needs to know her approach is causing you hurt. Tell her. Not in a manipulative way - but just in a matter of fact way that it hurts your feelings that she can't be arsed and she needs to be arsed sometimes.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 09/03/2024 15:59

Minkyfalinkinky · 09/03/2024 14:23

'Oh toll the bells, toll the bells, the martyr is coming through....'

I'm so sorry you placed yourself so low in your childrens lives. Luckily most women are raising their kids to appreciate their mothers

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No, I'm with that poster so far as Mother's Day. I don't need a Hallmark card on a (largely invented by marketing) random day to know my son appreciates me. I'd actually be more disappointed if he fell for it.

Justgorgeous · 09/03/2024 15:59

Very selfish she could get you a cards and a plant for less than £5. My son bought me a tube of mini-eggs once and a 25p card.

LadyKenya · 09/03/2024 15:59

Meh, too much is made of it all imo. The OP's daughter could be telling porkies though, and surprise her Tomorrow.

Reneeballard · 09/03/2024 16:01

skiimmed · 09/03/2024 14:08

Thank you. I understand that by having children I am immediately sacrificing for them but my other children are so kind and n thoughtful not even in a mercenary way but just thoughtful and generous .
I intend tomorrow to calmly tell her that I'm hurt and angry and that while
My role is to provide, I have gone over and above at times, as she knows , but her selfishness and grabbiness feels shameful to me as her mother. She will then go back to uni for the week so it will give her some
Time to reflect I hope .
She will shout and fight back and play the victim but as I'm
Going out for the afternoon tomorrow I will not be entertaining it and won't have to spend any time with her sulking about being told some home truths .

Sounds like a perfect response. She needs to know her selfish grabby behaviour is out of order. There is no excuse for anyone not to buy or even make a card.

SomethingUniqueThisTime · 09/03/2024 16:01

What has she been like in previous years? I was just wondering whether something has changed between you recently?

BirthdayRainbow · 09/03/2024 16:03

YANBU and I'm sorry you are upset.

My 23 year old son has come home last night, been out today to buy our dinner and food for lunch tomorrow, picked up his younger brother from the station last night and will probably drop him and pick him up to go out tonight.

My youngest son is 18 and travelled 3.5 hours on trains yesterday to come home for the weekend.

My DD is 20 and also at uni. I'm not expecting her home as she came 2 weeks ago but she will ring me.

It isn't about being grabby. It's about the children showing you they care and appreciate all we do and there's nothing wrong in that.

I am proud my children want to do these things for me. It shows how thoughtful and caring they are as people, not just as children.

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:04

You clearly have a dire and seemingly pretty loveless relationship with your daughter Op

that doesn’t happen overnight

Everythinggreen · 09/03/2024 16:05

That she can't even stretch to a couple of euros for a card when she has a job, is really mean IMO.

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:05

skiimmed · 09/03/2024 14:10

We get on really well but she is selfish and is completely
Out for herself.

not a chance

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:07

Everythinggreen · 09/03/2024 16:05

That she can't even stretch to a couple of euros for a card when she has a job, is really mean IMO.

but people don’t behave like this towards their mothers if they knows it’s important to their mothers… unless there’s quite a back story

what’s she done in previous mothers days?

HamiltonHarty · 09/03/2024 16:08

She should have got you a card and box of biscuits or pot plant or something, which wouldn't have cost much but I'm sure you'd have appreciated

SomethingUniqueThisTime · 09/03/2024 16:09

Honestly, I think it’s a bit of an over the top reaction to be furious. Maybe a bit hurt would be a more normal reaction.

How did the subject come up? It seems a strange thing for your daughter to say out of the blue, do you have high expectations or would you just be happy with a card and a cup of tea in bed?

My reaction would have been, ‘oh that’s ok I appreciate money is a bit tight, why don’t we just do something nice together instead?’

I do understand why you are hurt, but it does sound like a bit of an overreaction to be furious. The best way to teach thoughtfulness and kindness to children is to model that behaviour yourself. My own DM was pretty needy most of the time and it took the pleasure out of doing nice things for her.

Lianna077 · 09/03/2024 16:13

RockyRogue1001 · 09/03/2024 13:58

What a sanctimonious post.

As if it's not possible to be proud and want a home made card as well.

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About this.

Gettingonmygoat · 09/03/2024 16:13

Mrsphilmiller · 09/03/2024 13:56

I understand what you’re saying, but I imagine as a mother you sacrificing for your child, is a selfless act?
Just be proud of your daughter in uni and holding down a part time job. That in my eyes should be thanks enough.

So as long as you have gone to Uni it doesn't matter that you are so ungrateful for all that your Mother has done for you ? Remember we are talking about an adult here, her mother no longer has to pay for her or put a roof over her head but she continues to do so out of love. To not even buy a 49p card from card factory is the lowest of the low. But hey ho she has a degree so that allows her to be an ungrateful brat.

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 09/03/2024 16:14

Mrsphilmiller · 09/03/2024 13:56

I understand what you’re saying, but I imagine as a mother you sacrificing for your child, is a selfless act?
Just be proud of your daughter in uni and holding down a part time job. That in my eyes should be thanks enough.

What an unfair comment

The OP has done so much for her daughter......and it wouldn't kill the daughter to show some level of appreciation

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:15

A single parent who works full time so my kids can be educated and have what they need and I feel hurt and angry .

i wonder how many times that’s been thrown at the daughter over the years

Everythinggreen · 09/03/2024 16:15

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:07

but people don’t behave like this towards their mothers if they knows it’s important to their mothers… unless there’s quite a back story

what’s she done in previous mothers days?

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Some people do and for absolutely no fault of the mother like some here are assuming.

My sisters son was often self centred and thoughtless on mothers day/birthdays and he was shown unconditional love even when he didn't deserve it (given there was horrendous behaviour that probably doesnt apply for OP)and she was the only one to defend his shocking and self absorbed behaviour towards people (even though she expressed her hurt). He has no ND or MH issues excusing it. Just how he is. Just how some people are. When she died he sharp realised how much she was there for him and still holds a lot of guilt.