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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mothers Day... to be furious ..

249 replies

skiimmed · 09/03/2024 13:52

That my eldest daughter keeps
Telling me how broke she is , despite part time work through uni and spending plenty on herself, and that she won't be getting me anything , not even a card for Mother's Day?
I have sacrificed so much for her to go to uni... in Ireland..I am
A single parent who works full time so my kids can be educated and have what they need and I feel hurt and angry .
AIBU

OP posts:
EmpressSoleil · 09/03/2024 16:16

This reply has been deleted

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Wow. I would hate to live inside your head.

My adult DC would be hurt if I told them I didn't want them to do anything for me. It's not about me being grabby or expecting anything. They want to treat me because they love me. Same as I do with them.

OP I do think she's being selfish and I think you're dealing with it in the right way. Hopefully she will reflect on it over time.

potato57 · 09/03/2024 16:16

It's just a commercial holiday, no different to any of the others. If she's not showing you she cares by doing things that don't cost her money, like making you a cup of tea when she's home, that's different.

Don't know why people lose their rag so much over mother's day but see valentine's day as a consumerism driven waste of money, they're both the same.

Childrenofthestones · 09/03/2024 16:16

She's obviously a selfish asshole.
Our youngest who isn't earning due to multiple serious health issues, this morning showed me the card she made for her mother, she plans to cut wild flowers from the garden and make her breakfast in bed.
It's not about the money it's about the throught.
Sadly you can choose your friend's but not your family 😕

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:17

Everythinggreen · 09/03/2024 16:15

Some people do and for absolutely no fault of the mother like some here are assuming.

My sisters son was often self centred and thoughtless on mothers day/birthdays and he was shown unconditional love even when he didn't deserve it (given there was horrendous behaviour that probably doesnt apply for OP)and she was the only one to defend his shocking and self absorbed behaviour towards people (even though she expressed her hurt). He has no ND or MH issues excusing it. Just how he is. Just how some people are. When she died he sharp realised how much she was there for him and still holds a lot of guilt.

Show quote history

yes that’s your view on their relationship

the key is… was this the view of the son. The one actually in the relationship with his mother

Simplesalmon · 09/03/2024 16:18

Equally, I don’t expect much but I do expect a card and a bunch of flowers. One of my DDs is quite mean and quite selfish. She’s mid teens and obviously not earning yet but I have made it clear that no gift is not acceptable in our home. We all deserve kindness and respect. I get very little from her and I would like her to be more thoughtful and generous but I am hoping this comes with time.

Your DD is telling you where you are on her list of priorities. I would sit her down, say how mean, hurtful and disappointing this behaviour is and then leave it at that.

Don't mention all you do for her, don’t get into a conversation about this. State how you feel without showing upset and then walk away without giving her the chance to respond. Irish mothers have a tendency to want their sacrifices paid for so don’t give her that ammo !

LovelyTheresa · 09/03/2024 16:19

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I have to say I partly agree, more about Mother's Day than the other two. It is a Hallmark Holiday. I wonder if the OP is always going on and on about how much she does for her daughter? That would get old real fast.

lazyarse123 · 09/03/2024 16:20

My youngest son is grateful and shows it all the time but he's sorely lacking in observation skills. He asked today if I'd be ok with the card he's got apparently it says "to a fantastic mum" so he bought it and underneath it says "on your birthday". Good job I love him just need to train him better for his future partner.

Everythinggreen · 09/03/2024 16:20

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:17

yes that’s your view on their relationship

the key is… was this the view of the son. The one actually in the relationship with his mother

Show quote history

No that not my "view" of the relationship, its the reality as witnessed by all the family including his siblings and yes, even he now acknowledges how vile his behaviour was that she didn't deserve. He's actually making progress now at being a nicer person just a shame this is what it took.
You just don't want to accept that some people are just like that and the mother isn't to blame.

littlefireseverywhere · 09/03/2024 16:21

It’s really the thought that counts isn’t it?

A card, been taken out for coffee, or a small, token gift. Or all of the above., it doesn’t have to be expensive or even really cost anything. it’s about being thought about and being appreciated. I totally get why you’re annoyed

waterlellon · 09/03/2024 16:21

single parent who works full time so my kids can be educated and have what they need

Right but to her it's just what is. Do you keep telling your daughter this?

I hear something once about how our children need to be able to take us for granted. We are their constant, reliable.

In all honesty if she's told you once you're not getting anything I wouldn't keep bringing it up and making it a sore point.

Mrsjayy · 09/03/2024 16:22

skiimmed · 09/03/2024 14:13

She lives in rented accommodation in the city and comes home
To work weekends.
She is relatively independent. Cooks , does her own laundry but I'm a taxi for her as we are rural.

Well I would maybe cut back on this be too busy, I'm not saying it to be petty but she really needs to have a word with herself, I would also tell her that you are upset she couldn't be bothered to buy a card. she will act all hurt and affronted .maybe strop a bit.but I don't think you need to be protecting her feelings.

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:22

Everythinggreen · 09/03/2024 16:20

No that not my "view" of the relationship, its the reality as witnessed by all the family including his siblings and yes, even he now acknowledges how vile his behaviour was that she didn't deserve. He's actually making progress now at being a nicer person just a shame this is what it took.
You just don't want to accept that some people are just like that and the mother isn't to blame.

Show quote history

head wall.

No one knows how truth of a relationship aside from those actually in it.

You were a spectator to a lot
of interactions but not a teeny tiny fraction of the relationship as an entirety

PassingStranger · 09/03/2024 16:23

What about your birthday is that the same. Cards are dead cheap now.

FrenchandSaunders · 09/03/2024 16:27

Selfish mare … this would really upset me too. It’s not the cost it’s the thought. How old is she? I’d stop doing things for her.

FrenchandSaunders · 09/03/2024 16:27

Stop the lifts, she can get herself about or stay in 😡

Everythinggreen · 09/03/2024 16:29

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:22

head wall.

No one knows how truth of a relationship aside from those actually in it.

You were a spectator to a lot
of interactions but not a teeny tiny fraction of the relationship as an entirety

Show quote history

Oh like you know better than I do stranger on the Internet. I didn't witness a "teeny tiny fraction" as we're a very close family and I witnessed A LOT as did his siblings, my siblings, my parents and even aunties and uncles. In fact not just witnessed it, were subjected to it ourselves many times!

So you carry on, stranger on the Internet, act like you know that all selfish behaviour is the mothers fault, and nothing to do with individual personalities.

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:30

Everythinggreen · 09/03/2024 16:29

Oh like you know better than I do stranger on the Internet. I didn't witness a "teeny tiny fraction" as we're a very close family and I witnessed A LOT as did his siblings, my siblings, my parents and even aunties and uncles. In fact not just witnessed it, were subjected to it ourselves many times!

So you carry on, stranger on the Internet, act like you know that all selfish behaviour is the mothers fault, and nothing to do with individual personalities.

Show quote history

on another thread you’re saying how he thinks he had a toxic childhood but it has been “proven” to be a lie.

You are determined to believe otherwise. 🤷

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:31

Oh like you know better than I do stranger on the Internet

i know bugger all about your family

what i do know is… that this mother and son had a relationship that was entirely and separate to you

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:32

So you carry on, stranger on the Internet, act like you know that all selfish behaviour is the mothers fault, and nothing to do with individual personalities.

i have a daughter who loves this sort of thing and rally plans something special for me

i have another daughter who does not go in for things like this at all. But she shows her love in so many other ways, day in and day out.

blackheartsgirl · 09/03/2024 16:33

My ds 24 is as scatty as shit when it comes to everyone’s birthdays and Mother’s Day. He forgets half the time and will often turn up a day or two later with a bar of chocolate for the person whose birthday he forgot. He’s really thoughtful in other ways though which is nice and I know he does appreciate what I’ve done and still do for him and his sisters by the way he is with me and he tells me as well.

my dds never forget a card though which is nice

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:33

hears me come in after work and she dashes to the kitchen…. “i’m starting on your cup of tea Mum!!” every day.

Stockinggg · 09/03/2024 16:34

Of course not. I'm a single parent too, DC is 7 and definitely broker than your daughter but still managed to make me a lovely card which he showed me then said it's a surprise so I have to wait until Sunday to receive it 😆

rollonretirementfgs · 09/03/2024 16:37

Maybe she is going to surprise you? Hopefully!

Everythinggreen · 09/03/2024 16:37

KeenAnt · 09/03/2024 16:30

on another thread you’re saying how he thinks he had a toxic childhood but it has been “proven” to be a lie.

You are determined to believe otherwise. 🤷

Show quote history

Yeah he was proven to be a liar, with his outright lies proven to be just that, lies. Actually proven to be lies and when they were, he changed his story and then didn't speak to anyone for ages. He literally made up scenario's and situations also that were proven impossible to have happened.

So like I say, you carry on stranger on the Internet, you're a trier I'll give you that.

rollonretirementfgs · 09/03/2024 16:38

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I'm guessing you never get anything and you're bitter about it. How is it pathetic to give a kind gesture to someone to thank them for everything they do?