my attitude on this 1st date?

[ricollete]

Matched with this man on the app and after about a week of back and forth messages, it seemed like a good fit so we went for happy hour yesterday.

One hour or so into the date and on our second drink - the topic came up and I told him I have been single in 3 years - he asked questions and yes, single as in not seeing anyone / no dates / one night stands, nothing

He asked why and I gave him my reasons

Then he asked:
’but what do you do for sex?’

I looked at him (I must have looked surprised) then in a very calm and collected manner, grabbed my bag and my coat and walked out - then blocked his number.

My friend thinks I was OTT but really?
I saw it as a huge red flag - a stranger has no business asking me this within 1 hour of getting to know me.

Anyway even if I was OTT, it gave me the ick instantly so I did not want to be there and waste more energy saying anything really.

BTW - I’m not religious or have strong views on how people should conduct their sexual lives.

But that question, from a man to a woman, one hour into a first date?
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I am baffled that anyone thinks YABU. His question is not only inappropriate but it shows lack of judgement and self-awareness.

I think it all depends what you mean by a "date".

Some people on OLD are looking for an LTR, others just want a "hookup".

I was very clear on my profile that I wanted an LTR.

It didn't stop some guys being "inappropriate" on the 'phone but at least I got the chance to eliminate them before I met them.

At least his intentions were obvious quickly so you didn’t waste any more time with him. Everyone is different.

Ditto. My profile clearly states not interested in hook ups or ONS however some men see that as a challenge to make an exception for them.

It’s not a line for a first date imo. There’s a million more interesting things to talk about than what each other does with their genitals .

Well the OP herself stated it’s a date

Even if you’re looking for a LTR it’s perfectly normal and expected to discuss sex on the first date.

Asking a normal questions based on what the OP offered up is not the issue here

@Helfs Even if you’re looking for a LTR it’s perfectly normal and expected to discuss sex on the first date.

Never in my 15 years doing OLD I’ve discussed sex on a first date, (that includes masturbation habits), that doesn’t mean I’ve never slept with someone on a first date (yes I have, just not from OLD). Even with the couple of guys I ended in bed on that first date sex and our masturbation habits were not discussed, that’s just weird.

I think there's two issues;

1. Is it appropriate to ask a question about OPs sex life on a first date in response to OP saying she hadn't been in a relationship or been on a date in x years

1. Is it appropriate for OP to leave without any explanation

1. I think it's too prying for the date to have asked OP the question, but that's a very personal boundary and actually in the context of the discussion it's not off topic. However, I don't think it's an absolute red flag, just something that I wouldn't like.

2.To me this shows how a person deals with questions they find uncomfortable and how they communicate.

Why? She wasn't going to see him again and doesn't owe him anything. Why should she have to be polite to a guy who didn't show her the same courtesy? It's not her job to educate him to be better.

Is it? I think it is incredibly funny that posters in the UK where asking upfront about class or income are forbidden thinks asking bluntly about sex on the first date is normal. Its quite presumptuous, really.

Thats not to say people aren’t curious about all those things but there is a delicate social dance around finding out rather than blunt “how do you afford that?”

Well done you. I would have done the same.

Of course it’s normal

When nearly half of first daters actively have sex, let alone discuss it on the first date.

If someone said to me they’d been single with no dates for 3 years I’d sure be curious to whether they were celibate.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks - that’s how you felt and you acted upon it. You have every right to feel whatever - and also you’re fine to change your thinking and mind too along the way. My view, as you’re seeking views - it all comes done to tone and how we’re getting on. I’m quite open sexually generally and know pretty quickly how i feel around someone, if I feel comfortable or not. I tend to think first dates aren’t even first dates - they are pre first dates. It’s too much of a weird situation, everyone is a bag of nerves, especially if you’ve never met someone IRL before. He may have been nervous, thought before he spoke - it’s all speculation. What maybe I would suggest is you message him to let him know how you felt and to say it’s not going to work out, obvious from your actions. However whatever you feel is right will be the right thing to do.