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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or dh expecting normal service

329 replies

Whatevenishapprning · 09/03/2024 07:29

Ds 4 spiked a 40.4° fever out of nowhere on Tuesday night. I gave him calpol and ibuprofen over the course of an hour but it took til 1.30am for it to start to come down. Little sleep for either of us because he was tossing and turning, obviously uncomfortable for the rest of the night as it was still high 38.
Wednesday night I slept with him to keep an eye and he was OK, but he wriggles alot and isnt great to sleep next to. Thursday night fevers back so another Tuesday night. Last night was the worst, he's got a horrible cough now it's making him gag so he's vomitted 4 times overnight.

This morning dh has football. He's the manager of an amateur men's team. I asked him before 7 to cancel or get someone to come get the equipment. He's point blank refusing and says he is going.

Aibu? I've honestly had 12 hours sleep over the last 4 nights. I'm so tired I feel light headed and he's not showing any consideration. I don't know if I'm not thinking straight because of it. He is leaving before 9 which means I have an hour to sleep. Except I'm so angry at his disregard I'll probably get none. He has backshift later so means I'll be parenting all day and no chance of rest.

OP posts:
thismummydrinksgin · 09/03/2024 14:40

Babsexxx · 09/03/2024 07:33

yabu op in the kindest way possible why on earth did you not take him to hospital?! You must know the over 39 rule?!

It's not a bloody rule don't be ridiculous and try to make her feel bad. If I had taken my Son to hospital every time he had a temp over 39 I'd have wasted everyone's time and money.

SnapdragonToadflax · 09/03/2024 14:40

I may be petty, but his last words would be it for me. No-one speaks to me like that. You don't want to hear from me? Fine, I'm off. Divorce.

thismummydrinksgin · 09/03/2024 14:40

Whatevenishapprning · 09/03/2024 07:41

My understanding is it's the speed of the temp increase that's the danger not the actual temp until it gets over 41/42? I've kept a very close eye on him and he's still doing his normal activities just full of cold. He's had a few temps over 40 in his time with viruses so it's just how his body reacts.

It's the 'he's your Son and you will know what he needs not what some internet jargon says'.

MysteryDog · 09/03/2024 14:41

I'm sorry OP but your husband sounds horrible.

Gillbil · 09/03/2024 14:42

Mummame222 · 09/03/2024 07:31

Has he been at work all week? This is commitment he’s made, unpaid sure but it’s still a commitment. Can you get an early night tonight and if DS wakes DH can tend to him?

....well that's dumb.
I get where youre coming from but no, just no. Your value must be equal to your partners and if it isn't they aren't acting like a partner.

If you're worried about commitment, what about his marriage commitment...or his commitment to being a father...he sounds like a prat imo.

Op YANBU, and I'm sorry, I hope your LO feel better soon and you both get a good night sleep

Whatwasthatshow · 09/03/2024 14:52

I would have honestly left this morning and gone wherever I needed to get some sleep. Literally walked out the door and given HIM the parting shot ‘I don’t want to hear from you today’.
I’d say it’s unbelievable of him but unfortunately it’s sadly all too believable

kkloo · 09/03/2024 15:18

Whatevenishapprning · 09/03/2024 07:52

I asked for help but he refused because apparently I can cope better with less sleep than him

Women cope better without men too than men do without women.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 09/03/2024 15:21

I'd prove to him how much lack of sleep affects me by not cooking or washing for him. He can fuck right off! Now is the time to put your foot down OP.

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 09/03/2024 15:23

Babsexxx · 09/03/2024 07:38

No it doesn’t actually it applies to any under the age of 6 putting them at risk of convulsions.

Show quote history

Think you’ve made that up in your head.

Original poster
Whatevenishapprning · 09/03/2024 15:26

I'm so glad I made this thread. He makes me doubt my own responses. Still holding up, 3 hours til start of bedtime routine then im going to go to sleep. My parents kindly dropped lunch off for us all so that was appreciated. I'm so tired now I feel a bit drunk if that makes sense.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 09/03/2024 15:32

Whatevenishapprning · 09/03/2024 15:26

I'm so glad I made this thread. He makes me doubt my own responses. Still holding up, 3 hours til start of bedtime routine then im going to go to sleep. My parents kindly dropped lunch off for us all so that was appreciated. I'm so tired now I feel a bit drunk if that makes sense.

Yes, I've felt that sensation.
I think your husband's been remarkably selfish.

Original poster
Whatevenishapprning · 09/03/2024 15:33

He hasn't once checked how ds is today either. I did speak to 111 earlier who referred us to a pharmacist who didn't say much except you're doing everything already so unless he gets worse just let it run its course. I just have to keep an eye for dehydration from vomiting. My mil is housebound and disabled and my dm is immunosuppressed so we keep her out the way when the kids are ill. So just me to answer those questions from pp.

OP posts:
Aswad · 09/03/2024 15:34

I get so angry reading these responses
so wtf if he’s made commitments?? He can see his poor child vomiting with a high temperature, his wife’s barely had any sleep (to the point of feeling lightheaded ) and there are people on here going on about ‘he can’t cancel his commitments’. It’s so despairing and shows how little respect we have for the role of a mother and wife.

pikkumyy77 · 09/03/2024 15:39

Get dome rest and then clear your head. This man does not love you. He may be staying in the marriage because he needs your childcare, sex with you, and etc… but he does not love you or the children. He’s not interested in them or concerned about them. Sure: sometimes in my marriage (working out of home husband/sahm me) my dh had to travel or work while a child was sick but he always expressed concern and affection for us and tried in every way to support me as caregiver and the children as people who needed attention.

Your dh could have/should have prioritized you and the children during his days off, nights in the house, and today. He is an absolute wanker.

pikkumyy77 · 09/03/2024 15:41

If there is money then look around to hire help. You are overwhelmed and need respite.

Newhere5 · 09/03/2024 15:44

Patrickiscrazy · 09/03/2024 10:23

I don't know what "service" is your "DH" expecting, OP, however, you should be able to parent on you own.
I understand it's hard.
What if there was absolutely no other choice? 🙂

Why should she be able to parent on her own?
why shouldn’t he?

Rosiiee · 09/03/2024 15:52

It’s Mother’s Day tomorrow! Will you be able to have a lie in and breakfast in bed? Hopefully you can get a break!

Floralsofa · 09/03/2024 15:52

God help my husband if he did this.

DontGiveADuck · 09/03/2024 15:57

Making you doubt yourself is often gaslighting.

Original poster
Whatevenishapprning · 09/03/2024 16:01

I'm sure he'll ruin mothers day for me because I wanted him to stay home today. If ds is well enough and I manage sleep tonight, I'll be taking them out tomorrow so I can enjoy their company

OP posts:
Stupidliefromfriend · 09/03/2024 16:01

I think your husband is being very unkind and unsupportive. Is this usual?

If not, I'd try to let it go but talk to him about it and how you felt neglected. Wait till you're both feeling better so the conversation does not cause him to become defensive.

However if this is typical of his attitude towards you id give serious thought to whether you want to spend your life with a man like that. I'd insist on couple's therapy as a minimum but would leave if things don't change drastically.

Karensgoldleggings · 09/03/2024 16:03

Whatevenishapprning · 09/03/2024 15:26

I'm so glad I made this thread. He makes me doubt my own responses. Still holding up, 3 hours til start of bedtime routine then im going to go to sleep. My parents kindly dropped lunch off for us all so that was appreciated. I'm so tired now I feel a bit drunk if that makes sense.

That's gaslighting Op

You really need to get rid

Hocuspocusnonsense · 09/03/2024 16:05

YABU. Sleep deprivation and unwell children is tough but it is what it is. I have three aged between 5 and 8 and this winter has been horrendous for high temps, colds, coughs but life doesn’t stop. As the team manager he has made a commitment to them and there will be times the commitment is a total inconvenience and something he could do without but unless he is ill or there’s a serious reason he has to honour his commitment.

Karensgoldleggings · 09/03/2024 16:09

Hocuspocusnonsense · 09/03/2024 16:05

YABU. Sleep deprivation and unwell children is tough but it is what it is. I have three aged between 5 and 8 and this winter has been horrendous for high temps, colds, coughs but life doesn’t stop. As the team manager he has made a commitment to them and there will be times the commitment is a total inconvenience and something he could do without but unless he is ill or there’s a serious reason he has to honour his commitment.

He also made a commitment to love and care for his DW and DC, strange that's disappeared 🤔

Glenthebattleostrich · 09/03/2024 16:11

Hocuspocusnonsense · 09/03/2024 16:05

YABU. Sleep deprivation and unwell children is tough but it is what it is. I have three aged between 5 and 8 and this winter has been horrendous for high temps, colds, coughs but life doesn’t stop. As the team manager he has made a commitment to them and there will be times the commitment is a total inconvenience and something he could do without but unless he is ill or there’s a serious reason he has to honour his commitment.

Absolute bollocks. His first commitment is to his wife and child. I'm pretty sure some blokes can manage for a Saturday morning or do you think there will be 11 men wandering around into traffic because their team manager has looked after his sick child?

OP, leave him. From your last comment he has zero respect for you and doesn't give a shit, you deserve better than being his housekeeper, nanny and shag.