Or dh expecting normal service

[Whatevenishapprning]

Ds 4 spiked a 40.4° fever out of nowhere on Tuesday night. I gave him calpol and ibuprofen over the course of an hour but it took til 1.30am for it to start to come down. Little sleep for either of us because he was tossing and turning, obviously uncomfortable for the rest of the night as it was still high 38.
Wednesday night I slept with him to keep an eye and he was OK, but he wriggles alot and isnt great to sleep next to. Thursday night fevers back so another Tuesday night. Last night was the worst, he's got a horrible cough now it's making him gag so he's vomitted 4 times overnight.

This morning dh has football. He's the manager of an amateur men's team. I asked him before 7 to cancel or get someone to come get the equipment. He's point blank refusing and says he is going.

Aibu? I've honestly had 12 hours sleep over the last 4 nights. I'm so tired I feel light headed and he's not showing any consideration. I don't know if I'm not thinking straight because of it. He is leaving before 9 which means I have an hour to sleep. Except I'm so angry at his disregard I'll probably get none. He has backshift later so means I'll be parenting all day and no chance of rest.

I’d love to be a man. Apparently looking after ill kids is entirely not your responsibility if you’re a man! You get to do whatever you want and leave your exhausted wife at home to deal with it all. The dream!

The football is irrelevant really if he’s had two days of work this week. That’s when you should have been mad at him!

if this is your normal I would leave. I know mumsnet loves to jump to that but it sounds shit and if a partner said to me “I don’t want to hear anything more about it today” I would be out the door.

for you today, put a film on with the kids and see if you can have a nice sleepy cuddle on sofa with them. Make today as easy as possible

So I thought yabu when I read your first post. But now I've changed my mind. I was going to suggest your ds and you laze on the sofa with the TV on and you rest/nap but it sounds like it will be pretty full on for you

His parting shot out the door was he didn't want to hear from me for the rest of the day
Seriously? What a horrible person. Sorry OP. I don’t know where you go from that comment.

what a prince you have there-i bet if work called im in he would drop football

as for what was said to you when e left im afriad that would be it for me

is he always like this op?

YANBU. If he'd helped out on his days off it would be different but he's treating you like dirt. I'd be texting him to say you hope he's had a good day because you're ill and need to sleep so he's doing sleepover with 4yo tonight and on breakfast duty tomorrow. I'd spend spend while he's out finding something to barricade your door tonight so 4yo physically can't come in. I'd then explain to 4yo that you love him very much but mummy needs to sleep because she hasn't got any energy left and daddy misses him so wants a turn to do sleepover. If your husband fucks this up I'd declare myself too tired to do anything but the minimum household tasks. I.e id sort myself.and children and husband can do his own laundry / shopping / life admin. For comparison we've got a 1yo and a 4yo, I'm woken up in the night by 1yo, and unless 4yo wakes up, DH gets to sleep through. DH is on duty from 5am so I get a block of sleep in the morning. DH is appalled at the selfishness of the men on here, we're a team.

Absolutely this
This man doesn't care about you or his child

All the posters blaming YOU for being tired?
Reactive abuse at its finest
DARVO
What is MN coming to when an exhausted mother is attacked and blamed fora man's bad behaviour?
LTB op he doesn't care about you.

Erm. His duty as a parent should trump his hobby. He should be working as a team with his wife, not leaving her to carry the full load.

Try substituting the word "wife and child" for football in that sentence, and you'll see how ridiculous you sound.

The full load?? Err he does actually have a job and is working today.

Honestly, after that last comment, and on top of everything else you've said, I don't think I could stay with someone who spoke to me with such contempt. He clearly sees you as an inferior and a skivvy.

I don't usually do the LTB thing but I'd be sending him a single text saying that you don't want to hear from him for the rest of your life.

And in his free time, he's enjoying his hobby, rather than caring for a sick child and giving his exhausted wife a break.

When he had time off, he couldn't be arsed to do parenting. He refuses to look after sick kids in the night because she "does it better." She also works.

He's a selfish prick.

Agree with the people who have said to head to a hotel. Put your phone on airplane mode, get a bottle of wine, have a bath and watch some films. Pay for late checkout then rock up.

WTAF?

This.

I would be tempted to let him hear from my solicitor after that remark.

Hope you and your wee one get a good rest and feel better soon.

I've been a paediatric nurse for 37 years and completely disagree that all children with a temperature of 39 need medical review. If they have other clinical symptoms that are worrying then by all means but look at the whole child not just the temperature!

"he made a commitment to the team"
"Doesn't want to let them down"
"Football is important to him"

Oh come the fuck on!

He made a commitment to his wife and child!
He shouldn't want to let them down!
They should be the most important thing in his world!

OP, similar happened to me a few years ago.
I can't tell you how betrayed I felt. I would have divorced him if I'd had the energy.
Lucky for him I didn't, but I did read him his fortune and if he pulls anything like that again it's over. I will not and cannot tolerate a repeat. It's a bit of a wound in our marriage still, even though he's never done anything like it again.
I'd go in hard on this. It's not on at all. No bullshit excuses.

@SpeedyDrama said I’d be texting him to say you’re done and that he’ll have to work his hobby around having the children on ‘his time’ because that’s how divorce works.
I wouldn’t text that, but I’d write it on a piece of paper and leave it for him to read when he comes back to an empty house, because by that time I would be in a hotel with the kids. I would also have my phone off - after all, he doesn’t want to hear from you for the rest of the day FFS.

So, the op works as well. Yet has spent all of her free time with her sick child not swanning off and pretending they’re not a parent. ‘He goes to work’ is the ultimate lazy excuse for men these days. So what, doesn’t make him special. It’s not about having a job, that’s irrelevant to this op. If he’d left them to go to work otherwise bills wouldn’t get paid this month that would be a fair point, but he’s off doing nothing of value at all and flaking on his actual responsibilities.

Lets be honest, he refused to cancel because he didn't give a shit about you or your lack of sleep. He preferred to keep his hobby instead of taking care of his son, giving you necessary sleep time.

YANBU OP. He's a selfish twat.

"His parting shot out the door was he didn't want to hear from me for the rest of the day."

I'm absolutely raging at this. The locks would be changed and his stuff would be on the drive, what an absolutely shitty thing to say

I've had a thought - I don't know if you live near your own parents or his, but if you live near either, could you phone one of them to pop around while he's out as you are running on fumes and you really need to rest and your DH is out at football.
Then you take yourself to bed.
They look after the little ones and when your DH gets home they can deal with him, as every good parent should. Best if you can get your inlaws to pop around if that is at all possible.

He's a bit shit isn't he. Letting ds bother you relentlessly on his day off instead of letting you rest a bit is just weaponised incompetence. 😡

Do you have any family nearby who could come over?

If not bang cbeebies on and get the blankets out. It's exhausting when they're 4 and have SEN and you're all short on sleep. Sending a virtual hug.

Agreed. What a tosser. 😡

Only thing he'd be hearing from me would be divorce papers. Selfish arsehole.

I'd also like to add, it's easier being a single parent than being with a "partner" (I use the word laughingly) like this guy. I speak from experience.