To not stop this activity even though school asked me to?

[StoppingTheClassDueToDetention]

DD is 9, Year 5 but at a middle school so it’s more like a secondary school than a primary.

If a child gets 2 lunchtime detentions in a half term, the 3rd detention is after school on a Thursday and a meeting with the parents and form tutor is held.

DD got her 3rd Detention so had to do it after school last night. Meeting for me was today.

School urge parents to backup the detention by taking away out of school activities, phones or other rewards and the form tutor urged me to do this.

DD does 3 activities out of school and I am taking away 2 of them; one is tomorrow and the other Monday after school.

The other one I am reluctant to take away, she has a medical condition that causes pain. Her pain levels are much lower and she’s less likely to need painkillers which cause their own issues (constipation, more exhausted so unable to get through the day and do her normal activities etc) if she does this activity. It’s a physical activity, for this thread we’ll say its Yoga but it’s not that but works in a similar way.

When DD doesn’t do yoga due to her teacher being off or her being ill there is noticeable differences in her pain levels and ability to get through the day without pain killers, it affects her school work because she is more tired due to the painkillers so I’m being called to pick her up etc. Basically unless the teacher is off or she’s ill, she goes to Yoga, I plan holidays around it and try and find classes where we stay if we’re going to be away over the normal class it's that important to keep her doing it and exercising as she just cannot function or be a normal 9yo without.

I told DDs form tutor I would stop the other 2 activities, taken away her phone for the weekend and if she carries on will remove her from the Easter Concert for her Choir activity that she’s been practising for all half term both during Choir sessions and also in the shower every single morning before school. She is really excited to be in this concert as she missed out at Christmas due to the concert time falling during her dads weekend so she didn’t even audition (I use that term loosely, literally anyone who auditions gets a place, it’s just to see whether you get a solo or do chorus/duet etc instead). I will also not let her go to the café after Yoga which is our usual ritual every week.

Her form tutor urged me to rething taking Yoga away as there is a social aspect to it. But the class is 30 mins with little time to chat during it and I can hurry her in and out before and after. Teacher is aware of her medical issues but as she's only been at the school less than a year and they've not seen the effects of her not going I don't think they realise how much it's needed.

I don't agree with punishing her to the point of pain either, that just seems counterproductive and borderline cruel to me.

So AIBU to not stop Yoga?

Oh my goodness. This is appalling. If you’re on FB look at Dr Naomi Fisher, her post today about such autocratic nonsense is a good read. Your poor child.

I’ve always felt it was really contradictory that, as a parent, everyone tells you to pick your battles - but teachers are supposed to insist on every tiny little thing being done correctly at all times. I don’t want to argue with someone over the length of their skirt - it creates conflict for no reason and wastes their time and mine.

I remember another teacher explaining to me once that schools need to enforce pointless rules because then kids will rebel against them rather than the ones that actually matter. Because a kid who’s about to beat up another kid obviously reasons “actually, no, I won’t do that, I’ll just wear the wrong coloured socks instead”…

Surely if your daughter can’t fix her house pin herself then the positioning of it was your fault??
I’d complain about a child not being allowed to drink and I’d complain about girls of this age not being excused for the toilet… I’ll never forget a girl in class leaving class in tears at the end of lesson because she’d started her period and bled through everything!! Her friends all hurrying behind her to hide the wet patch in her skirt! (The so called good old day when we weren’t allowed drinks or to use the loo during lessons!)
As for the key, get a long key chain and clip it inside her bag so that she can’t forget or loose it ever!
I would also be informing school that you have not and will not be removing out of school activities now or at any point in the future for petty mistakes made in school, anymore than you’d expect them to give her detentions for being naughty at home!!

Yes I totally agree.

Have you contacted the school to challenge any of this crap @StoppingTheClassDueToDetention I’d be reading the riot act over disability and that your dd has enough to handle without more stuff being lumped on her, expecting reasonable adjustments etc, including no detentions for silly rubbish when she has so much more going on.

My dd has a medical condition btw and in hindsight I would have done so many things different, fought for her against the idiot head at her primary school, who made my life hell when I was trying to keep dd alive. I didn’t realise there was a complaints procedure. Her class teacher empathised but her hands were tied. The ladies in the office empathised. But no one told me I could escalate and in the thick of things and in such an emotional time, it never occurred to me to take things higher when I was being stonewalled then gaslit.

Just to clarify something. If your DD has a condition that qualifies her as disabled under the Equality Act 2010 you don’t need to provide medical proof of every need attached to that disability. You actually don’t even need to wait for a formal diagnosis before asking the school to make reasonable adjustment if the condition meets the Equality Act definition.

You’re disabled under the Equality Act 2010 if you have a physical or mental impairment that has a ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ negative effect on your ability to do normal daily activities. What ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ mean is more than minor or trivial, and ‘long-term’ means 12 months or more.

if the condition meets this definition your daughter has protected rights as a disabled person, and the school must make reasonable adjustment to meet her needs as such. So if, as a result of the condition, she needs access to water whenever she needs it and they forbid this or give detention for it, it’s discrimination. If she struggles with minor details because of memory problems or cognitive ability (forgetting key, tie pin issue) and they punish her, it’s discrimination. If pain causes issues they have to allow for that too.

And suggesting withdrawal of an activity which the teacher knows to be essential for relieving symptoms of the condition is - well, words fail me actually. What would have happened if she had had to take time off because of the knock on effects - would they have punished her for that too ? And regarding the tie pin - if failure to adjust it is down to a cognitive or other issue connected with her condition, it doesn’t matter how many times a teacher tells her about it, they are discriminating by punishing her.

I think you need a meeting with the school to make them aware of the possible effects of her condition - and also to make them aware that you know your rights under the Equality Act and won’t take any more of their crap. And l would ask that that teacher in particular be asked to familiarise herself with the Act, so that she doesn’t leave the school open to potential legal action as a result of her her ignorant and over zealous attitude to punishment.

Why would I be defensive? My mind was just blown (see emoji!) that you thought you'd be in the minority. It was just a comment, didn't mean anything personal by it.

And the government promotes this strategy and then scratches their heads about low school attendance. Hmm, I wonder why kids aren't going to school? It must be because parents can't differentiate between a cold and ebola.

In a nursery and pre school they have access to water/milk through out the whole day when ever they want and myself at work any job I’ve had I’ve beeen able to get a drink of water when I want so why is school any different it’s absolutely ridiculous. It is nothing like getting them ready for the world

She needs to behave better in school clearly but these consequences are a bit much. Maybe miss one activity but unless her crime is something absolutely major then spoiling her entire week seems a bit much, she's 9 for goodness sake 🙈

Reading the updates this is an utter disgrace of an education establishment. Completely aiming to break children's spirits and induce fear and anxiety for the smallest of crimes. Very sad and disturbing. I'd remove her and/ or report the school. What about children's rights!

This is a thread from March 🙄

This is why we have the fucked up society we have and kids full of anxiety, a pin on a lapel instead of a tie, taking a drink, what absolute BS is this!? I'd be moving schools...
There's way bigger issues here than whether to take to Yoga or not!

How about a different school.Is this an academy by any chance?
Get her out , somewhere more nurturing,maybe private until end of year 6 or home school.

Pupils quickly get used to water bottles available at all times in my experience.
The only time I limited it was if I was delivering a lesson to the whole class and then I would say" This isn't a cafe, stop the drinks until we've done this bit please!"

Don’t stop any of it. She’s being punished as it is. No need for more.

the reasons she got the detentions are utterly ridiculous anyway.

This post has actually outraged me. How fucking dare the school tell you how to parent and how you should ‘punish’ your child!! Their job is to educate her. Not to parent her. That’s your job. You didn’t even need to give all the explanation about why she needs to go to this activity. YOU get to decide how this is acted upon. Not to mention the detentions are for entirely ridiculous things.
Please tell me this is a private school and this is not how state schools are run these days??

Always wonder how people find months/years old threads and seemingly resurrect them without batting an eye - posts from an hour ago are often buried 3 pages deep already!

Not sure about on a phone but if you're on a computer then there's a 'similar threads' section above trending....so it's easy to click one and think that they're from the trending section.

Unless of course it's the old resurrected threads about men wearing womens underwear, resurrected by men, I think they specifically search for those ones 😂