To not stop this activity even though school asked me to?

[StoppingTheClassDueToDetention]

DD is 9, Year 5 but at a middle school so it’s more like a secondary school than a primary.

If a child gets 2 lunchtime detentions in a half term, the 3rd detention is after school on a Thursday and a meeting with the parents and form tutor is held.

DD got her 3rd Detention so had to do it after school last night. Meeting for me was today.

School urge parents to backup the detention by taking away out of school activities, phones or other rewards and the form tutor urged me to do this.

DD does 3 activities out of school and I am taking away 2 of them; one is tomorrow and the other Monday after school.

The other one I am reluctant to take away, she has a medical condition that causes pain. Her pain levels are much lower and she’s less likely to need painkillers which cause their own issues (constipation, more exhausted so unable to get through the day and do her normal activities etc) if she does this activity. It’s a physical activity, for this thread we’ll say its Yoga but it’s not that but works in a similar way.

When DD doesn’t do yoga due to her teacher being off or her being ill there is noticeable differences in her pain levels and ability to get through the day without pain killers, it affects her school work because she is more tired due to the painkillers so I’m being called to pick her up etc. Basically unless the teacher is off or she’s ill, she goes to Yoga, I plan holidays around it and try and find classes where we stay if we’re going to be away over the normal class it's that important to keep her doing it and exercising as she just cannot function or be a normal 9yo without.

I told DDs form tutor I would stop the other 2 activities, taken away her phone for the weekend and if she carries on will remove her from the Easter Concert for her Choir activity that she’s been practising for all half term both during Choir sessions and also in the shower every single morning before school. She is really excited to be in this concert as she missed out at Christmas due to the concert time falling during her dads weekend so she didn’t even audition (I use that term loosely, literally anyone who auditions gets a place, it’s just to see whether you get a solo or do chorus/duet etc instead). I will also not let her go to the café after Yoga which is our usual ritual every week.

Her form tutor urged me to rething taking Yoga away as there is a social aspect to it. But the class is 30 mins with little time to chat during it and I can hurry her in and out before and after. Teacher is aware of her medical issues but as she's only been at the school less than a year and they've not seen the effects of her not going I don't think they realise how much it's needed.

I don't agree with punishing her to the point of pain either, that just seems counterproductive and borderline cruel to me.

So AIBU to not stop Yoga?

I’m imagining being at work as a fully grown adult and not being able to go to the toilet if I need to. Urgh, why do we do this to our children?

Why would you stop any of it? That's on her personal time. Unless she's being extremely naughty or hurting someone I don't understand why such an extreme punishment?

I just read the reasons why and you're as insane as this teacher. Those are literally insane things to punish a child for so extremely. She has a condition on top of that.. wow wow wow. I'm speechless. Don't be surprised if she no contact when she grows up, honestly. You should be backing her up over such little tiny little things, not pushing on her even harder. She's so young too!!

Ffs. Use some common sense… the school sound batshit don’t back them up.

Wooooah the reasons for her detention are crazy! That's so minor- she's a kid, she will forget things.
I am quiet honestly shocked that you're even considering taking the yoga away, knowing it will cause her such pain, when she's done so little wrong.

Read through all your posts and I can’t believe a school don’t let children drink water for 2.45
mins a day. Either you’re getting incorrect info, or you’re being dramatic…

Year 5!!! She’s mini. This is insane.
you can’t change what happens in school but that sounds like PLENTY already to me.

If my child received a detention I would not punish them again. If the detention was justified I'd have a word. If it wasn't I'd tell my child they had to do it but I didn't agree with the school.

Teachers need to remember they aren't their children. They aren't dictators and they don't get a say on anything out of school hours.

WTAF? The school need to get a fucking grip and a sense of proportion.

I actually have no words for the pathetic reasons your daughter has received detention for. No words whatsoever.
I would absolutely not be removing any of her extracurricular activities.

That’s what I was about to say. I think she’s a dangerous loon but I thought MN loved her?

This school is overbearing and ridiculous. I would not be stopping any activities for small errors such as forgetting a key or having a drink of water.
Let her do yoga, her other two activities and have her phone. The school needs to calm down or I'd be thinking about another school.

Your daughter has been punished enough. Can’t believe how heavy handed school is being, I’d consider making a complaint.

Absolutely agree. I’d be pulling my child out of this school too. OP - stand up for your child.

Stop saying it’s like a secondary school. Your daughter is 9yrs old - what they are doing is not age appropriate for your daughter! I have an 11yr old at a private prep school, definitely considered on the strict side. They have children there to year 8. They wouldn’t dish out a detention for any of those things you’ve listed.

I’d want to know why they’re wasting my time with a meeting over such drivel! I wouldn’t remove any electronics or activities.

I would be looking for an alternative school.

I don’t think detentions are appropriate in yr 5 full stop. Schools are beginning to lose the plot and overstep massively.

Absolutely keep doing the exercises. It’s your daughter’s health. The school is stupid to even suggest it. Duty of care springs to mind…Maybe find a different school.

I'd have said bugger off for the reasons for the first two. Have none of the adults there never forgotten anything? As for the drinking - absolutely ridiculous.

Tie pin - in the whole scheme of things not detention worthy. Maybe some sort of warning/sanction and then a follow up (3 strikes and 'earn' a detention) type punishment.

The school sounds draconian.

As for stopping activities out of school - no way at all. They can fuck right off with that.

DO NOT take anything away from her!!!

She made mistakes in school and paid the price in school. She knows you know about it. That should be the end of it.

I used to be a primary school teacher and taught your DD's age group. We would always treat misbehaviour at the time it happened. When children go out to play and come back in, we start afresh.

And regardless....We were told to encourage children to sip water throughout the day. Forgetting her key? Punishment is in the act - she wouldn't have had her stuff and all day had to borrow which would have been negative socially, putting her mistake on public display. As for the pin? Give me strength! Was she given a reminder? School is over-reacting.

Let her do choir - it's good for the soul and her confidence. Those minor infractions shouldn't have such over the top consequences. Let her do ALL her activities and let her have her phone. PLEASE!

I now work as a researcher in education and what I've seen in England makes me certain I don't want my own child educated there!

THIS ^

Why is the school making such a performance out of this?
Its so mean minded to look at things she's enjoyed or benefitted from out of school and taken them away from her for such pathetic reasons.

This. The school is mad!

I wouldn’t take any measures to discipline her out of school for such minor misdemeanors.

@TeabySea Tie pin - in the whole scheme of things not detention worthy. Maybe some sort of warning/sanction and then a follow up (3 strikes and 'earn' a detention) type punishment.

Seriously? It was a couple of inches away from where it should have been - I wouldn’t care how many times a child did that, firstly because I wouldn’t actually notice and secondly because the placement of a pin doesn’t affect anyone’s learning.

I wouldn’t punish a child for forgetting a locker key either - these things happen, and she’s 9! - but if she didn’t have any of her books for that day, that would actually have impacted her learning. The pin wouldn’t, however many times she did it.

This. The school sounds abusive. Do they also make children stand on a stool in the classroom with a dunce’s hat on and feed them gruel? I would be protecting my 9 year old as far as possible from this, including informing her she hasn’t really done anything wrong, and looking for a place at a new, kinder school.