To not stop this activity even though school asked me to?

[StoppingTheClassDueToDetention]

DD is 9, Year 5 but at a middle school so it’s more like a secondary school than a primary.

If a child gets 2 lunchtime detentions in a half term, the 3rd detention is after school on a Thursday and a meeting with the parents and form tutor is held.

DD got her 3rd Detention so had to do it after school last night. Meeting for me was today.

School urge parents to backup the detention by taking away out of school activities, phones or other rewards and the form tutor urged me to do this.

DD does 3 activities out of school and I am taking away 2 of them; one is tomorrow and the other Monday after school.

The other one I am reluctant to take away, she has a medical condition that causes pain. Her pain levels are much lower and she’s less likely to need painkillers which cause their own issues (constipation, more exhausted so unable to get through the day and do her normal activities etc) if she does this activity. It’s a physical activity, for this thread we’ll say its Yoga but it’s not that but works in a similar way.

When DD doesn’t do yoga due to her teacher being off or her being ill there is noticeable differences in her pain levels and ability to get through the day without pain killers, it affects her school work because she is more tired due to the painkillers so I’m being called to pick her up etc. Basically unless the teacher is off or she’s ill, she goes to Yoga, I plan holidays around it and try and find classes where we stay if we’re going to be away over the normal class it's that important to keep her doing it and exercising as she just cannot function or be a normal 9yo without.

I told DDs form tutor I would stop the other 2 activities, taken away her phone for the weekend and if she carries on will remove her from the Easter Concert for her Choir activity that she’s been practising for all half term both during Choir sessions and also in the shower every single morning before school. She is really excited to be in this concert as she missed out at Christmas due to the concert time falling during her dads weekend so she didn’t even audition (I use that term loosely, literally anyone who auditions gets a place, it’s just to see whether you get a solo or do chorus/duet etc instead). I will also not let her go to the café after Yoga which is our usual ritual every week.

Her form tutor urged me to rething taking Yoga away as there is a social aspect to it. But the class is 30 mins with little time to chat during it and I can hurry her in and out before and after. Teacher is aware of her medical issues but as she's only been at the school less than a year and they've not seen the effects of her not going I don't think they realise how much it's needed.

I don't agree with punishing her to the point of pain either, that just seems counterproductive and borderline cruel to me.

So AIBU to not stop Yoga?

I wouldn't be punishing my children at home for any of the above and I would not be interested in more than a ten second conversation with a teacher about the above. Unless there is a massive drip feed coming I would find it hard not to laugh at how ridiculously harsh the school are being for something so small. Jeez.

I wouldn't be stopping any of it.

The detention is the consequence. Once that's done it's done.

The supporting the school should be through not arguing their detention.

Sounds horrendously punitive for 9yo.

Good grief. I wouldn't be stopping any extra curricular activities for those minor infractions. If the school environment is that dictatorial, she needs the opportunity to decompress and relax afterwards. I would not be impressed at the school trying to tell me otherwise. Do they have a lot of kids suffering from anxiety and depression there? Sounds awful.

Are you in UK? If so, your daughter is attending the nastiest school in the UK, with the nastiest teachers. I'd get my child out of there quick.

Are you happy with the school OP? Are there any other options?

Just tell her to not do these things as you arent impressed about school calling you in and let her get on with her weekend.

Absolutely over the top. Your answer is “no” she will continue with her yoga.

I'd change schools.

All of those misdemeanours are hardly worth talking about. Just let the school deal with their petty carry on and let your dd have her normal life at home. And DO NOT take her out of her choir because she forgot her bloody pin. Don't even bother bringing any of this into your home. Detention is done: end of story.
And l am a teacher!

😯 I can’t believe those warrant detentions!

I wouldn’t stop any activities or remove her phone… surely she has been punished enough and excessively for such a tiny thing without being double punished.

This is absolutely insane

Please do not do anything to punish your poor child. Ive never heard anything so awful in my life!!

Minor breaches of rules snd they want you taking out of school clubs away and you actually feel you need to justify saying no?????

This sounds like a miserable school.

I would accept detentions for things like initiating violence but not for the reasons given.

Since “yoga” is basically physio therapy, I do not see it as the same as choir etc Personally I would not withdraw access to activities unless it was serious stuff like your dd was bullying someone who attends the activity.

Those detentions are madness especially for younger than secondary age. I wouldn't stop after school activities at all. She's being punished enough.

Christ alive. I’d be having words with the school and saying they don’t have my consent to issue detention for such minor “offences”.

This is insane, the child is 9 years old. I wouldn’t stop any activities and I wouldn’t keep my child at a school that behaved like this.

I wouldn’t take away anything for those tiny mistakes!

Wtf, I would not only not stop yoga but would also look into a different school.

what next? This is giving me The Headmaster Ritual vibes

So the poor kid has years to go here too?! It sounds miserable.
I guess they don't even try and pretend school should be enjoyed any more!

She’s 9! The school sounds awful. Poor thing, I would reinstate activities (is it horse riding? If it’s horse riding that’s not a hobby it’s a way of life!)

At 9 and for those very minor issues I wouldn't be stopping her doing other activities. I would support the school in the detentions (while thinking it was a bit over the top for having a badge on in the wrong area) but I wouldn't let it affect my child's home life. Let school deal with school stuff and forget it when she comes home.

The punishment is massively disproportionate to the offence

Wtf? This can't be real. This is massively ott.
I get it's a strict school.. but she has the detentions. Those are the punishments.
Unless it was absolutely shocking behaviour like bullying another student or stealing etc I'd not be extending the punishment to after school activities at all. I think that's utterly ridiculous. Imagine depriving a child of an activity that helps her manage her medical condition because she forgot a pin or a key by accident... it's not OK.

Not a chance I would be taking anything away from her. The reasons for the detentions are ridiculous, what she did was barely bad enough for the actual detentions let alone further punishment at home FFS.

Give her the phone back and take her to her activities.

I didn’t think it was possible to school your child in 1864.

My goodness you’d think she’d set the school on fire the way everyone’s carrying on! She got detention for having a drink?! Are you serious? And you’re actually considering taking an activity off her that would cause her pain and that’s a justifiable and relative consequence? The detention is the (ridiculously extreme) consequence, no need to totally diminish her entire social existence and joy for days on end.

Surely the detention is the punishment and that's where it ends.