To give up potty training and wait for DS to say he wants to wear pants / use the toilet?

[Comeandeat]

We’ve been trying since November and it’s obviously now march.

I’ve put pull ups on him because I’ve run out of clean trousers. I think with that I’ve decided to leave it. I don’t ever want to initiate it myself again. It’s destroyed me. AIBU just to wait for DS? I don’t even care when that is any more.

He is 3 years and 3 months.

You put baby on the toilet at the same time you might need toilet like as soon as you wake up and 5 mins or so after feeding. They go toilet and start to hold it in until you take them. They wear nappies as backup. First thing in morning as soon as they wake put them on toilet and they do a poo, then most babies do another poo straight after lunch when weaning.
While I do this my older son's asking me why and I explain toilet is where those things go and suddenly he is saying Yes it is and tells me he needs to go. Perhaps this might help OP. It does feel totally helpless having a late potty trainer and I felt like an absolute failure but son did not take to it at all. I will also add I had tried EC with my son when he was 6months and he resisted. Some kids are just incredibly stubborn about certain things.

OP you said DS may have SNs? Apart from his toilet training reluctance, what other things are you thinking May point to him having other delays?

It sounds like you are comfortable with your decision to prioritise your little boy's happiness and your relationship with him. I think it is definitely a great idea to put the whole potty training idea on hold. Maybe he will "just get it" in time, or if he doesn't, maybe you will be in a better position to have another go when he's older.

Now is clearly not the right time to press ahead at all costs. It isn't working. The fact that you don't have your heart set on him going to preschool or school at a specific age means there's no deadline hanging over you. Since you're prepared to wait, you don't have to worry about how and whether school staff would manage his needs.

Like your son, my second child just didn't seem to grasp what was wanted of her. We tried toilet training for just a few weeks when she was 3y 3m, then stopped. I had planned to have another go when she was about four, but it wasn't necessary. One day at the age of 3y 8m she just took off the nappy and declared the intention of using the potty in future. Within a couple of weeks, the accidents had stopped altogether.

Kids all have different needs. Obviously it might not work out the same for your little one. But as you sense things are going nowhere now, there seems no point banging your head against the wall because other people think he ought to be out of nappies.

Good luck with everything. Your son is lucky to have you as his mum 😍

Really?I trained all of mine between 3 and 3.5 years. And 10 days was the longest it took so that shoots your theory out of the water

No child is at school in the year before they turn four - and nursery teachers are well used and accepting of children in nappies at 3-4 because it is common.

you believe that you can train a child before they are ready. I don’t - I believe it is developmental. Did you also teach your children to walk, eat and sleep??

When my kids were young, 21/2 was the usual age.

Only newborns are in muslins and why would you iron them?

@FoReal nothing to be embarrassed about or beat yourself up, your all doing your best and he will get there! When I look back at all the stress I put myself ( and eldest) through trying to make sure we achieved everything at the “ acceptable “ time I wish I had given my head a wobble. They aren’t wee for long and it is just a stage like everything else. With my youngest I was far more chilled and he got there too. Just enjoy the journey ❤️

I agree but saying that on here just gets accusations of being the ‘perfect parent’.

3 (or God forbid….4!) is the new 2 these days.

This wouldn’t be the case without disposable nappies I believe.

Well we used cloth and mine still kept peeing in his pants and getting upset the first few times we tried potty training. It was like he wasn't ready or something crazy like that. When we tried again when he was 3 and a half he cracked it in 2 days.

My child was in cloth nappies and didn't manage to potty train until past three 🙃

I would say zero! The OP only starts mentioning SN when posters gang up on her and say every child this age should be toilet trained unless there’s SN … so poor OP, who is clearly understandably struggling, is being brainwashed into thinking her ds must have SN. Honestly this thread is awful. OP needs support and understanding, not the horrendous backlash she has received, for an issue that is VERY common!

change2Banon. I agree it’s far more common than many people think. There’s a huge range of normal, with some kids being dry day and night from 18 months to those that are still getting the idea at 4.5/5. I don’t remember this amount of pressure or competitive potty training when mine were at this stage. Mine were dry in the day around 2.5 but still needed a nappy at night coming up 5. Poos took much longer to sort than wees too. When I was a TA in Yr1 there was still the occasional accident when a kid had been concentrating/busy, and left it too late to get to the loo.

Honestly, go away with your nastiness and idiocy 🙄

Oh I was going to give her a parent of the year award with a secondary award for having such genius children.

then suggest she goes on a worldwide lecture tour imparting her parenting genius to all us lazy idiots with stupid children who can’t be bothered to train our kids

perhaps topped off with a TED talk.

I read something a long time ago and I can't remember where to link it, but as far as I remember it said there's a window of opportunity around 2 for toilet training for most kids which then commonly closes for a year or so if you don't do it then. It was something to do with them developing other skills that aren't very compatible with toilet training for some reason. There has definitely been an element for us of him being too engrossed in an activity to pay adequate attention to needing to wee - no problem if you're used to holding it but for someone just learning it makes things trickier.

so I guess in the 80s when everyone was expected to try to do it at 18 months or whatever, and were expected to perservere even if the child didn't seem ready, most people would hit that window at some point and be done.
Of course there's always the possibility that the incompatibility of learning skills works both ways, and by toilet training early you shift their mental focus away from something else they would otherwise develop earlier.

just thought I would come back on here as after day 4 potty training my son who is the same age OP. Also PM’d you if you ever need someone to talk to.

• this was our 3rd try. Took a break after the second attempt as he was saying it was ‘too scary’ and just melting under the pressure. Think if I hadn’t taken the break we would be where you are now! You are a stronger person than me for sure!
• oh crap method didn’t work for us anytime. Maybe it does for others but it didn’t for us! Used rewards instead. Also - found the book really a bit judgey - as my DH said - you have to be pretty smug to write a book about potty training
• when I compare his potty training to friends who did it a year ago when their DC were just past two - the pattern of potty training day by day seems to be the same - leading me to think he really is more ready now at over 3, meaning that anyone who says that they must be potty trained before 3 or else it won’t work just don’t know your child.

good luck and sending a big hug!