To give up potty training and wait for DS to say he wants to wear pants / use the toilet?

[Comeandeat]

We’ve been trying since November and it’s obviously now march.

I’ve put pull ups on him because I’ve run out of clean trousers. I think with that I’ve decided to leave it. I don’t ever want to initiate it myself again. It’s destroyed me. AIBU just to wait for DS? I don’t even care when that is any more.

He is 3 years and 3 months.

So?

So you want to basically wait until a teacher trains your child to use the toilet ?

No no no. No. No. Absolutely not. No.

Can you tell I hate that book?

No, the above poster said if I wait until it comes from him. No one mentioned teachers.

There are a few story books that can encourage children to use the toilet. We used one for DS called Have you seen my potty.

OP, Have you tried setting an alarm every 30 mins during the day, and sitting him on the potty for 5 mins each time? Then lots of praise when he gets it right.

And leave him in pants. Pull-ups are absorbent like a nappy and spare him the horrid wet feeling. Pants will feel wet and uncomfortable, and hopefully make him realise he's rather use the potty.

I assume he is a Sept or Oct baby so you have 18 months before school starts, which helps.

If he's not trained before starting he won't magically start using the toilet at school, it will be because staff at school will have made the effort to train him.

This.

@fancyfrogs it’s horrendous. I don’t think people realise what it’s like … it’s really affecting my relationship with him because it’s so frustrating.

I am embarrassed about him in nappies. Somehow him pooing pants seems more socially acceptable than pooing in a nappy But they are the same really. The way I’m feeling now I don’t want to go anywhere or see anyone anyway 😂

You can’t let him go to school in nappies not because of a disability but because you can’t be bothered to train him. You really can’t.

How old was he?

See that’s the thing, effort. We’ve been trying nearly four months. That’s an effort isn’t it? It’s nearly half a year. And I just can’t. I probably won’t send him to school in nappies anyway.

so you are going to let him decide that's quite a lot of responsibility to put onto a little boy, if you are struggling get his dad to do it.

I've heard many with similar struggles, particularly with boys of similar age.
Back in the day, people used to potty train much much earlier - between 18months and 2 years old was the norm for boys and girls. This is still the case in most countries across the globe.

I've heard more than once that it's actually harder as children get older. Several mums of multiple children have given me the advice to get going before 2 years old because afterwards, it can become complicated... Make of that what you wish.

Don't beat yourself up. Take a break to gather strength, then in a month start up again. During that month, explain to your son that on x day, that is when he is going to start using the potty. Have a countdown. Is he motivated by music? For some children, the singing potties help. Is he motivated by food?
It's also about timing. For instance, put him on the potty as soon as he wakes up, when he's going to do a wee anyway. Make a massive fuss if it works.
Then he will start getting the idea, hopefully...

But why do you think this is an I can’t be bothered when I’ve been trying for four months?

Genuinely why?

I don’t mean to be unkind but you left it too long to potty train and now he is used to wearing nappies. Children should be sitting on the potty and getting used to it from 18 mths.

Yes but you’re the parent so you have to keep making effort and not give up. You can’t make a finite attempt and then just stop and say ‘oh, I tried’

What happens at nursery? Does he use toilet there?

Have you tried bribery?

There’s absolutely no way we’d have had any luck by starting earlier. I honestly don’t think he gets it. I don’t think he understands what a wee or poo feels like until he’s done it so he just wees and poos in his pants. If you take him to the toilet regularly he does wees there but if you forget or get distracted for a bit he just wets himself.

Yes but you can't just stop and say I give in. Like many parts of parenting some things work for some children and for others you need to keep preserving. Giving in and hoping a 3 year old will simply just learn something is not the way forward.

I agree. People are leaving it way too late now and then it takes forever. My sister is the same she left it until over 3 and at 4 her DS still only poos in a nappy, god knows what’ll happen when he starts school in September. We started with DD at 2, was dry day and night before her 3rd birthday.

what are you expecting to happen? he just all of a sudden says mummy I peed in the toilet and that's it ?

Ok but at what point do you say this isn’t working?

At the moment all that’s happening is he wees and poos in his pants like he would in a nappy.

He isn’t ready. Maybe that’s because of special needs I don’t know probably.

Does he see dad using the toilet? Has he been involved with potty training?