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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up potty training and wait for DS to say he wants to wear pants / use the toilet?

820 replies

Comeandeat · 08/03/2024 08:10

We’ve been trying since November and it’s obviously now march.

I’ve put pull ups on him because I’ve run out of clean trousers. I think with that I’ve decided to leave it. I don’t ever want to initiate it myself again. It’s destroyed me. AIBU just to wait for DS? I don’t even care when that is any more.

He is 3 years and 3 months.

OP posts:
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9
SingsongSu · 08/03/2024 08:18

Wait til he’s ready. The whole, right he’s 3 let’s start potty training isn’t automatically the right thing to do and they’re not all ready. When he becomes more aware, asks questions etc then restart but yep take the pressure off OP. Leave him in pull ups for now.

Didimum · 08/03/2024 08:20

What method are you using? I think you need to crack on unfortunately and adapt your methods. Unless there’s developmental issues or ND at play, he can absolutely potty train at his age.

tfresh · 08/03/2024 08:21

Try a different method. He is old enough to potty train - I'm sure plenty here will enable you, but it doesn't benefit you or him.

auberginefortea · 08/03/2024 08:22

Does he show any inclination or sense that he needs the toilet? That's not an early age to potty train.

Original poster
Comeandeat · 08/03/2024 08:22

I didn’t really use a method. I took him to the potty regularly, explained wees and poos went in the potty which he understands fine in theory but just doesn’t seem to actually put into practice. Whether he won’t or can’t I don’t know. But I got so angry then through sheer frustration.

OP posts:
Original poster
Comeandeat · 08/03/2024 08:23

auberginefortea · 08/03/2024 08:22

Does he show any inclination or sense that he needs the toilet? That's not an early age to potty train.

No. And yes. I am aware, thank you.

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TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 08/03/2024 08:23

I waited until DS was ready. My Mum friends were all pushing it and only getting themselves stressed when accidents happened.
Children are all different, sounds like your DS is later compared to others (as was mine) but so what? It doesn’t matter.
In fact it was my son who said no more nappies in the end and as he was ready, it was a piece of cake. We only had one or two accidents when he was playing with friends and ‘forgot’

Original poster
Comeandeat · 08/03/2024 08:24

tfresh · 08/03/2024 08:21

Try a different method. He is old enough to potty train - I'm sure plenty here will enable you, but it doesn't benefit you or him.

I don’t think we’ll be attempting it for a while. I feel like these past few months have broken me and I wish I’d never attempted it tbh, stupid because it was just because (if I am honest) I didn’t want others to think badly of him / us. I felt dirty and lazy.

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Mrsjayy · 08/03/2024 08:25

I mean he's not that far off 3 and a half isn't he ? I'd keep at it use pull ups but keep taking hm to the toilet regularly its now become a "thing " between you both I think you need to take charge and keep going. that's my view anyway other posters will have different opinions.

PietariKontio · 08/03/2024 08:25

Many years ago now, but we just tried for a couple of weeks, if there was no progress we'd stop, wait 3 or 4 weeks, try again; maybe tweaking the approach a little finding something to use to motivate/relax them (stickers, a song, toy story potty!). Just was very relaxed about it, and although we took breaks when it didn't seem to be working, we didn't leave it ages before trying again.

PinkMildred · 08/03/2024 08:27

I would keep going and ask for advice.

Original poster
Comeandeat · 08/03/2024 08:27

Mrsjayy · 08/03/2024 08:25

I mean he's not that far off 3 and a half isn't he ? I'd keep at it use pull ups but keep taking hm to the toilet regularly its now become a "thing " between you both I think you need to take charge and keep going. that's my view anyway other posters will have different opinions.

I need to leave it completely for my own mental health tbh. I am concerned because I feel like that obviously limits the progress we have made but equally we haven’t actually made much progress so …

OP posts:
Original poster
Comeandeat · 08/03/2024 08:27

PinkMildred · 08/03/2024 08:27

I would keep going and ask for advice.

I have but no one really seems to get what I’m saying. And also their suggestions haven’t worked.

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PinkMildred · 08/03/2024 08:28

Comeandeat · 08/03/2024 08:24

I don’t think we’ll be attempting it for a while. I feel like these past few months have broken me and I wish I’d never attempted it tbh, stupid because it was just because (if I am honest) I didn’t want others to think badly of him / us. I felt dirty and lazy.

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But you do have to do it! Your post makes it sound optional when (obviously, as you know) it’s not.

I do think 3 is too old to start really. They get used to wearing nappies

MixingPlaydough · 08/03/2024 08:29

Does he go to nursery, they will have trained lots of children so should be able to offer some advice on how to help him?

I definitely wouldn't give up, he may never say he's ready but that doesn't mean he can't learn.

Original poster
Comeandeat · 08/03/2024 08:29

PinkMildred · 08/03/2024 08:28

But you do have to do it! Your post makes it sound optional when (obviously, as you know) it’s not.

I do think 3 is too old to start really. They get used to wearing nappies

Show quote history

No, I really don’t. He has two parents, dad can do it, or we can just wait until it 100% comes from him which is probably what we’re going to do.

OP posts:
spurs4ever · 08/03/2024 08:29

If it helps at all, my youngest was 3yrs 7months when we finally cracked it. Pure stubbornness on his part that he didn't want to do it and even more stubbornness on my part when I'd had enough.
Your DS will get it, you just need to find what will work for him but if you're stressed and angry then leave it for a bit. You'll only end up feeling even worse. It will happen, don't worry x

Original poster
Comeandeat · 08/03/2024 08:30

MixingPlaydough · 08/03/2024 08:29

Does he go to nursery, they will have trained lots of children so should be able to offer some advice on how to help him?

I definitely wouldn't give up, he may never say he's ready but that doesn't mean he can't learn.

Yes. No advice that has helped. I really think there is either special needs or more,likely I’ve just thoroughly arsed it up, but either way it’s done now.

NO MORE PANTS. Feels quite liberating.

OP posts:
Sparrow7 · 08/03/2024 08:31

I did my twins at 3 years. DD took about 45mins to potty train. DS took 3 months. I don't know if it would have been easier with him to start earlier or later? Every kid is different so just follow your instincts.

TinkerTiger · 08/03/2024 08:32

Give it a break for your mental health. Then please order Oh Crap, read it, and try again later.

MixingPlaydough · 08/03/2024 08:33

Comeandeat · 08/03/2024 08:30

Yes. No advice that has helped. I really think there is either special needs or more,likely I’ve just thoroughly arsed it up, but either way it’s done now.

NO MORE PANTS. Feels quite liberating.

Show quote history

So what advise have they given and what have you tried? Realistically there's no way you've tried everything and just giving up isn't really an option so you just need to find something that works for him. Hoping he's going to wake up one day and say he wants to use the toilet isn't very realistic.

crumblingschools · 08/03/2024 08:34

Do you use potty or toilet? Used to be able to get something to put in the toilet for boys to aim at when weeing.

Do you have any success at all?

fancyfrogs · 08/03/2024 08:34

I have no real advice but just wanted to say I am exactly the same. My DS is 3y6m and I've found it absolute hell and I totally get where you're coming from with it being mentally draining. We started trying before his 3rd birthday but he wasn't ready and was just weeing all over the floor. I was getting so upset and frustrated and people saying oh it takes 3 days of staying in the house and being consistent etc because we did that several times and it just wasn't clicking. He can stay dry all day, if I set a timer and take him every hour but it hasn't clicked that he needs to go himself and the hourly timers for days/weeks have been soul destroying! I recently stopped completely and am gearing myself up to try again. Yesterday he asked to go to the toilet once which is the first time EVER so hoping that this is the start of something good but no idea. So yeah just wanted to let you know you're not alone x

Ace56 · 08/03/2024 08:34

Well, sounds like your mind is pretty made up - what’s the point in this post? Most people are saying keep persevering or have a short break before cracking on again, but if you want to give up completely, go for it…

PinkMildred · 08/03/2024 08:35

If you wait until it 100% comes from him then it is likely that won’t happen until he starts school