To give up potty training and wait for DS to say he wants to wear pants / use the toilet?

[Comeandeat]

We’ve been trying since November and it’s obviously now march.

I’ve put pull ups on him because I’ve run out of clean trousers. I think with that I’ve decided to leave it. I don’t ever want to initiate it myself again. It’s destroyed me. AIBU just to wait for DS? I don’t even care when that is any more.

He is 3 years and 3 months.

If your only ‘sign’ of special needs is that he is late to potty train then he probably doesn’t have special needs. If he walks, talks, has an appropriate level of understanding and is generally a happy kid, it’s very unlikely he has special needs.

OP I’m pretty sure you’ve been posting about this for months now. If you do really think he has special needs, it’s important to focus on that and receiving support and leave the potty training for a bit. You seem hyper focused on this and I wonder if you’re generally anxious about him and his development but putting all the focus on the potty training? Either way you need to take a break from it for a few weeks for your own sake and try to get some support from health professionals

(apologies if it’s not you who has posted before but if not they have the exact same story and worries)

Oh for God sake.
Take a break. 2/3 weeks whatever.
Find where your nearest walk in health visitor clinic is and go, talk to one of the team face to face and ask for help, toileting package of care.

You'll get told about the ERIC website read it. If you have tried everything there at least you can give clear concise answers about what methods you have tried.

If there is something more going on then at least you can start the journey and if not at least you can talk to someone specifically

Why are you oh for gods sake?

Ive already sought advice from the HV team. I’ve been on ERIC so much it’s on my home page. What do you want me to do?

@almay i haven’t been posting about it for months, I’ve been trying to train for months.

Have a short break (two, three weeks max) then try again. Read a couple of how to books and pick a method. Consider abandoning potty and going straight to toilet. Mine would not entertain a potty.

Hi OP I just wanted to say you understandably sound at the end of your tether. I’m sorry people are being so harsh. I hope you get it sorted and there’s no shame in taking a break if it’s causing you high levels of stress. It’s obvious you are trying hard in a difficult situation ❤️

As I said, apologies if that’s not you. Either way you do sound like it’s too much at the minute so take a break and have a bit of a reset

Don’t withdraw him from pre school, especially if you’re not going out many places. He needs to be around other children and learning.

if he’s 3 yrs 3 months he’s not going to school in September so he’s got another year. Give him a break of a couple of weeks then try again. You’ve got to persevere as he will get it eventually, but a break could do you all good and start again fresh.

I’ve already emailed them. It’s better because otherwise I’ll just get them muttering about how lazy I am.

The whole point of him going was to try to make friends but they’ll just think he’s dirty and the other parents will think I’m lazy.

He does use a toilet.

Has the health visitor referred your son to anyone Portage etc?
Honestly I'm.not sure why poster's are getting so upset with you he's 3 years old so he won't be starting Reception for Another 18 months ,so you have plenty of time ,if there are special needs these will become more apparent over the next 18 months .

He will get there, probably before he is four. The thing is it won’t be because you have found the correct way of doing this or persevered for long enough. It will be because he wants to or he understands or he has grown up a bit. So why make yourself and him miserable now when the outcome won’t be different anyway.

I think that it is that quite visceral reaction people have to poo especially. Our current HV has never actually met ds.

It doesn't matter what other parents think
But pre school shouldn't be judging they should be working with you .

Nephew is as far as we know neuro typical and didn’t potty train until right before school, because sis absolutely had to be arsed to do it then. He’s fine! His sister was out of nappies by 2 I believe. They’re all different.
For me the poop of a child (not toddler) is enough for me to potty train as so gross 😄 they just suddenly reach an age where is so not cute anymore.

They are nice people but you can see the level of disgust and revulsion on here. I don’t want him having that. Or me. It’s easier to keep him away.

I would leave it for a while, doesn't sound like it's doing you or him any good.
Maybe try again in summer when he can have no clothes on more, I found they were more likely to go to the toilet if they had nothing on their bottom half, they would just treat pants like nappies.
They are all so different.

DD1 started toilet training at 2 years 8 months, because I felt I should, she wasn't really showing any signs. It was very slow, right up until almost 5 she would have accidents every day and I constantly had to remind her to go to the toilet. She's only just out of nappies during the night (almost 6) and even then will only not wet the bed if I lift her to the toilet during the night.
DD2 by her 2nd birthday was taking her nappy off herself if she did a wee or poo in it, 2 years 2months she started refusing to wear it and within a few weeks was totally toilet trained day and night and literally has a handful of accidents the entire time.
But if you do suspect something else is going on, you should definitely speak to your doctor or health visitor

Why are you judging your sister when you can see one of her children was easier than the other and did it young? Was she suddenly not lazy when it was her DD’s turn?

At 3.5 I would be expecting him to be fully dry during the day. Are there other kids in nursery his age not dry?

I would speak to your health visitor.

I don't think your lazy but I think you need to just crack on with it.

It does seem no matter what I say that people assume I just can’t be bothered. Which is really what concerns me going forward.

I have spoken to my HV.

He isn’t 3 and a half until June by the way.

But she is cracking on with it and has been for months. When there is no progress it is pointless to keep banging your head against the wall.

Have you tried putting him in dresses OP? With no pants or trousers on underneath?

We struggled with DS1, although he was a few months younger than your son now. He was the same though, would do a wee on the potty/toilet if prompted, but didn’t seem to get it otherwise!

Someone recommended dresses to us, and we tried it as we’d tried everything else at the point with no success! It was like magic. Maybe two days of him having weeing/pooing freely onto himself (there were no pants to contain the mess for him) and he started using the potty perfectly.

He really hated the feeling of the wee on his legs and seeing poo on the carpet, and it did the trick for him! We kept really calm when he had an accident and reassured him it was all okay and cleaned him up straight away, but just kept telling him if he went to the potty he wouldn’t get messy. It clicked in his brain. Maybe give that a try?

Oh see my ds would find it funny.

It's mumsnet so people always say things on here they wouldn't dream.of saying on real life ,the thing is if he does have special needs pre school can pick up.on this and make appropriate referrals and get the ball rolling for any additional help.he may need for when he starts school
Toileting aside it's better for him that he does go and as I said theu should be working with you on the toileting as long as they can see you are trying .