To ask adult child to go out as we've made plans?

[yourekiddingme]

We have decided to look for a bigger house with a view to maybe trying for another baby, it's early days and we've only just put the house on the market.
We have an adult ds living at home and haven't mentioned anything to him as it's early days and we don't know if it'll happen yet, the move or baby.
Someone is coming to view on Saturday and ds works Saturdays which is why we arranged for Saturday, unfortunately we did have to let this lady down last week as a work issue came up so she's coming this Saturday instead.
Ds has just announced that he's booked this Saturday off throwing a spanner in the works.

I can't mess this woman around again and I particularly don't want to explain our maybe plans to ds at this stage which would be awkward if she comes to view and he's home.
AIBU to tell him we've made plans around him being at work and it's inconvenient that he's now home and ask that if he's not working on Saturday he's not home?
I think I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm just so annoyed.

Well, he told you he took the day off on Sat so he does tell you things doesnt he?

You need to be honest with him- as PP have said, if one of his friends sees it on the market it will be awful for him to find out that way

You thought it was none of his business that you are thinking of selling the place where he lives? In what world is that NOT his business?

I don’t know where you’ve made up “has a habit of cancelling work shifts” from. I’ve gone back and read the OP posts, and she says he’s booked this Saturday off work. Thats not cancelling a shift, and it’s not making a habit of it.

It’s bonkers what people make up in their heads in here.

OP, you run the risk of really pushing your son out of your life if you treat him like this. Talk to him about the house sale. The trying to conceive I wouldn’t mention. I also think that’s madness, but your choice.

If your son is 23 you must be around 40. Don't wait to move house before ttc!

Why on Earth wouldn’t you ask him? Are you scared of him?

I hope your DS isn't online. This type of thread comes up on Facebook from time to time

There will be probably be some sort of dripfeed as the op hasn’t got the answers she was hoping for.

There's some women out there, who give zero fucks about their children, and are completely selfish.

My MIL done the exact same thing to my DH, just without the baby, oh, and he wasn't invited to live in the new house either...

Very unreasonable to have not told him about the house and also to expect him to go out just because you want him to on his day off. Why don’t you want to tell him? Think how upset he would be if he found out another way, such as someone seeing it on Rightmove and telling him!

Is there something major we aren't being told about your son OP. The dynamic feels very strange.

You're being unreasonable. Have the decency to keep him informed with what might be happening with his home.

Yeah this story is just too strange. He's a 23 year old man why wouldn't you discuss this move with him ? And yes if you want a baby get on with it! No need to move house now.

I have a DD and DS similar ages. Both away studying and both due to return this summer.

I have a DP who stays at our home regularly. From a totally selfish perspective of course it has been easier for our relationship them being away the majority of the year.

However, I have always been very clear with my DP the DC will have a full time home here after their studies if that's what they want. There is no way I'd be putting the home up for sale and moving without telling them.

So unless there is a back story that's not been shared but alluded to by the OP when she says DS would have a lot to say about it. It's an awful thing to do to your DS.

Please note that if you sell your house your adult son will need to sign the sale contract agreeing to move out.

www.stoneking.co.uk/literature/e-bulletins/how-do-you-ensure-vacant-possession

Another YABU. I can’t imagine not keeping my DC in the picture and it is his home so he does have a right to know what is planned.

Honesty needed. You don’t need his opinion though or to discuss it. Just say you are getting it valued so you know your options and could he please be out at this time.

Really weird set-up. I hope that you don't wind a potential buyer up just to flake out. Either you want to move or you don't.

That's aside from your son who is now sounding like excess baggage.

I still don't understand why you can just explain you're thinking about moving, probably won't happen but you're having some viewings.

They deserve to know it's a possibility and they also should know if a random is coming round and going in their room.

I do think it's shitty for potential buyers that you don't even think you're going sell.

You're not "only considering" though, if it's on the market. The Saturday viewer might like it and put you under offer but Monday.

I think it's pretty shitty to sell someone's home from under their feet without telling them. What if a friend of neighbour sees it on Rightmove and asks him where you're going? He'd have every right to be furious.

Not surprised he doesn't tell you anything if you have the kind of relationship that you would consider doing this. In our family, DP and me might make the final decision but everyone would know and have an input.

It seems a strange order to be doing things in. Why not try for the baby first and move based on if (and when) the baby happens and you need a larger property.

I think you're being U to say that you don't want to tell DS because you don't think you're actually going to move, but you have already put the house on the market and have a viewer?? He is going to find out within the next week when the EA come around and stick a For Sale sign in the lawn!

What if this lady makes an decent offer? Will you accept? If so then you could be moving out within a few months.

If you're not sure this is what you defintely want then you should cancel the viewing, take the house off the market and decide whether you definitely want to do this. If you do decide to sell, you need to tell DC before you put it on the market.

If the move is only a maybe, it's not fair to be showing your home to prospective buyers. It is horrible when people do this - you spend time, money and effort visiting a property, put an offer in and even get it accepted then they do nothing to actually complete and the chain collapses after 3 months costing the potential buyers.

Either tell your son you are planning to move or withdraw your house from the market

Not only that, but when we moved seven years ago there was space on one of the legal forms for any adult child living in the house to give their consent to the sale.

Also, how old is "adult"? Is he 18 or 26?

This sounds v cruel.