To ask adult child to go out as we've made plans?

[yourekiddingme]

We have decided to look for a bigger house with a view to maybe trying for another baby, it's early days and we've only just put the house on the market.
We have an adult ds living at home and haven't mentioned anything to him as it's early days and we don't know if it'll happen yet, the move or baby.
Someone is coming to view on Saturday and ds works Saturdays which is why we arranged for Saturday, unfortunately we did have to let this lady down last week as a work issue came up so she's coming this Saturday instead.
Ds has just announced that he's booked this Saturday off throwing a spanner in the works.

I can't mess this woman around again and I particularly don't want to explain our maybe plans to ds at this stage which would be awkward if she comes to view and he's home.
AIBU to tell him we've made plans around him being at work and it's inconvenient that he's now home and ask that if he's not working on Saturday he's not home?
I think I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm just so annoyed.

Mountain molehill , just be honest and stop the drama

My parents had that kind of warped thinking too. I don’t speak to them anymore.

Do you and your son actually talk to each other about important things OP?

You say he doesn't tell you anything.
Do you ask him?

His side might be that his Mum doesn't seem interested in him or what he's doing.

Most families with adult kids at home have discussions about how long they want to live there, if they are saving towards a deposit to rent, or even buy a house.

It goes along the lines of 'I'm saving £300 a month and in a year I'll be able to move into a flat-share as I'll have a good deposit and enough for 2 months rent in advance.'

That kind of thing.

Do you never talk about this kind of thing?

Really? You don't take your kids to viewings? You weren't consulted as a child? I don't mean toddlers, I mean teens.

We moved a lot when I was a child (renting) and my mum got our input on every decision. Of course she got the final decision but we'd make suggestions like "I think a bigger kitchen is better than a bigger living room" or "my favourite was the one with the biggest windows" etc to help her decide. All families I know are like this.

I think it's more odd not to do that. I can't imagine telling a teen "right we've found a new place, pack up your stuff, like it or not". That's awful.

He is an adult, it’s very strange that you wouldn’t tell him. Presumably, the people viewing would be going into his room. I think it’s only fair to give him the heads up.

Our house is in my name only and my DH and DSS had to sign something to waive their right to stay if I ever sell it in future.. which stacks up with what you're saying - assume your sellers didn't have that paperwork in place in advance. Our mortgage lender insisted on it.

Oh I think I misunderstood - I thought you meant the kids would get a say on whether to move house or not, rather than listening to their opinions on the houses that were viewed.

I'd expect opinions on which house the kids liked would be listened to, but the adults would decide overall.

Just say someone is coming to view the house to see if you can get a better mortgage deal.

Do his plans involve you having to move house or something else hugely life changing

I think this is ridiculous that you can’t have an honest conversation with him. Even if you aren’t going to go through with the move. It could have been a casual conversation about looking to get somewhere bigger but you have made it into an enormous secret

Why would you expect your ds to tell you anything about his life, what he wants or loosely what his plans overall will be if you don’t talk to him about your life and your potential plans or anything that is happening and have secrets.

You want your ds to be more open with you then you have to lead by example

Before thinking about having another child please work on your communication with the children you have.

@Cherryflavouranything why? Also, it's a HA house.

@Thebirdlady did you mean to start a new thread rather than post that here? Why have you not told those shitty people to stop mocking your kids? Dreadful that you and the father have allowed your kids to be bullied by these people. Never make them attend the bullying session again.

I have two older girls (20 and 18 years old.)
we aren’t a big family and only have my in-laws and my husbands sister and her two adult children.
We go out on family meals a few times a year and all meet up but I now have a dilemma.
Both my girls dress in an alternative way (nothing shocking ,just dark clothing and Dr Marten boots etc ) and they always look smart and tidy.
When we arrive at the meal they are always greeted by some sort of snide comment from someone, along the lines of ‘what awful shoes ,can you actually walk in those’ or ‘why are you wearing such a baggy top’ always something along those lines.Then they all proceed to add an opinion and enjoy a laugh about it.
Now my girls aren’t keen to go to these functions anymore,and I can’t say I blame them.
Any advice would be welcome.

You need to make your own thread

Crazy. Just tell him there’s a possibility you’re moving, he’s your son and lives with you so he needs to know. Any viewers will have to go in his room!

None of his business?! It's his home! wow.

If he doesn't want to move then you should be giving him more than enough chance to start thinking about his options.

That's no reason not to tell him. That's disgusting. Just because he doesn't own the house doesn't mean he doesn't see it as his home. He might be very upset if he has to leave. Fair enough it's your decision, but you have to give him the chance to get his head around it. You are not being fair on him.

Yes you do need to start your own thread but in your situation I'd just allow them not to go and done with.

Sorry,new to this platform 🙈

I find it so odd that you have an adult child and want to have a baby?

She said she also has a young child too. She had her adult child at 16/17

Are you planning on showing his room to the viewer? this is what would really annoy me if I were your son, it’s an invasion of his privacy. I don’t even like people going in my room when j am home. He will know immediately someone has been in it too, i think you just know when another person has, i don’t think you can hide it from him, its not right

OP! You're being really weird. Don't tell him about the baby if you don't want to, but surely you can't secretly sell the house where he lives.

Also intrigued about the adult son and the baby bit

Dont tell him to go out.

Get DH to take him out for the afternoon. Lunh. Pub.

Why is he living at home?

Because it isn't that easy to move out, especially with rental prices right now.

As the OP is not a home owner she wouldn't be able to be guarantor for him either, so he would struggle to find a legitimate landlord willing to rent to him anyway.

None of his business. Ye gods.

Can you not just tell hi that you are trying to get a valuation and to do so need to show someone around. He doesn't need to know details at this stage.

If you do look to sell though you do need him to sign paperwork to say he will not be a tenant in situ