To ask adult child to go out as we've made plans?

[yourekiddingme]

We have decided to look for a bigger house with a view to maybe trying for another baby, it's early days and we've only just put the house on the market.
We have an adult ds living at home and haven't mentioned anything to him as it's early days and we don't know if it'll happen yet, the move or baby.
Someone is coming to view on Saturday and ds works Saturdays which is why we arranged for Saturday, unfortunately we did have to let this lady down last week as a work issue came up so she's coming this Saturday instead.
Ds has just announced that he's booked this Saturday off throwing a spanner in the works.

I can't mess this woman around again and I particularly don't want to explain our maybe plans to ds at this stage which would be awkward if she comes to view and he's home.
AIBU to tell him we've made plans around him being at work and it's inconvenient that he's now home and ask that if he's not working on Saturday he's not home?
I think I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm just so annoyed.

Don't u care about the planet? Why on earth try for another baby when you have an adult son? Why don't you foster or adopt?Or do you lose interest in your kids when they age?

I once did some change management training at work as I was leading a major project. One of the key takeaways was that people deal with bad news better if they are prepared and kept informed. You do no favours to your adult son in keeping him in the dark and then springing it on him. Show your adult son some respect and tell him.

Nope - he’s resident in the house. He can refuse to move. She will have to evict him or get him to sign an agreement that he will move upon completion. He has rights.

If I were him, Id only agree to sign if she gave me a deposit for new accommodation out of the proceeds. At least with an eviction order he can go to the council and get put on the housing list.

Your son may need to find accommodation if you do move.
He needs as much time as possible because the rental market is awful at the moment.

You are incredibly selfish to want to spring it on him as a done deal giving him less time to sort his life out when you uproot everything, just because you don't want to hear what he has to say until the last possible moment.

If you didn't think what you were doing is wrong, why does it have to be a secret?

It is something he needs to know ASAP.

I'm afraid this is just untrue @Rosscameasdoody
I've just googled it and looked at various websites.

Adults living at home (owned by someone else) have no rights.
They are classed as guests.
At best they are given 4 weeks to leave and find other accommodation.

The only exception is if they have invested their own money in a home and its land - eg farming- and have some 'right' to recompense.

Tell him!! Being age-appropriately honest is always the right thing to do. If he doesn't want to move, he has 1. Time to decide what he would rather do or 2. Adjust to the idea.

Is this your esteemed legal opinion? Or have you just made that up.

@Rosscameasdoody The legal 'advice' is the parents (like the ones you quote) can change the locks and make the adult child homeless. They just need to give them notice of the sale.
The courts regard adults as just that and being able to work and pay for their own housing. The only exception is under-18s who are in education.

why are you having people viewing your house if youre not even sure youre going to sell it. What a waste of peoples time

The property information form asks the seller to confirm if the property is being sold with vacant possession and whether there are any other occupiers at the property over the age of 18. If the answer is yes to both of these questions the solicitor then has to clarify in writing that the other occupier/s are willing to sign the part of the contract of sale agreeing to vacate the property on completion. It applies to all occupiers who are not the owners/vendors of the property, including adult children, lodgers and tenants. Without this, vacant possession hasn’t been established and if the seller wants to proceed with the sale, they have to initiate eviction proceedings. I’d never come across it before - and we’ve moved house several times.

@BusyMummy001 He is only a tenant with tenant's rights if he pays rent and it's a formal agreement with the paperwork.

Otherwise, it's a case of him being classed as their guest.

Fucking hell man. Poor lad.

@Rosscameasdoody That is contradictory to everything it says online, on legal sites.

Have a google and read it for yourself.

Legal, actually. A friend is going through this process with her brother on the death of their mother. He was resident, has rights even though was not paying rent etc, and she cannot sell the house as he lives there. He is fortunately happy to move into council accommodation but they require a letter of eviction from her solicitor so that the council with recognise his ‘homelessness’ and put him on the list. Until then, he is unwilling to sign an agreement to vacate upon completion without accommodation lined up - and friend, who loves her bro, would not force him to make himself vulnerable so has to issue the eviction letter and work with both him and the council.

… and did you have to ask that question in such a vile and snarky way?

Nope. It’s fact. Happened to us. Our sellers’ adult daughter was refusing to move. Vacant possession has to be established and if there are occupiers other than the sellers, they have to sign an agreement to vacate the property on sale. Someone has posted that the seller could simply change the locks and make the occupier homeless, but this was clearly not the advice our seller received as they went down the formal eviction route, which delayed the sale.

If you don't tell him the truth, he's totally going to assume you want to spend the whole afternoon having sex. Is that really less awkward?

Tell him the truth about the house.

Not really bothered to be honest. It happened to us several years so only posting from experience.

Why on earth wouldn't you tell him? thats dodgy AF

I have no issue with people pushing adult birds out of the nest, no one is 'owed' living with their parents forever but selling the house under him is not right.

Landlords have to tell tenants etc... he needs time to make plans. You can't just say hey we didn't want to tell you until it was set in stone but we complete next week so pack your things your on the street.

Of course you have to tell him.

You're wasting this woman's time for a start, you've not yet decided if you want to move, you think its very unlikely, but she's coming round to view your house! What will you do if she makes an offer?

I haven't just met dh, we have been together 13 years and already have a young child together.
I was pregnant with ds at 16 (17) when I had him and dh has been a good step dad to him.

I had to change some details about the house in my op as many posters do because it was too outing and those details seem to have derailed the whole thread, my fault but it's not unusual for details to be changed in situations where it could be outing, but the house isn't technically on the market as such as its not ours, it HA so nobody is being messed around, we have someone coming to view tomorrow with a view to swapping but we haven't seen their house yet and they might not like ours so then it's a non issue which is why ds wouldn't ever need to know and why we arranged it when he wouldn't be here.

We are only toying with the idea of moving because this particular house would give us more space and we could potentially have another baby because the youngest child's bedroom would also be a double but if we don't like it or she doesn't like ours then I doubt we would still be actively looking to move.
I was just frustrated because ds is suddenly going to be home and I know he doesn't want to move and I don't want him to think we are planning on moving which might make him uneasy and then this doesn't happen because we will happily stay here and forget all about it.
We currently live in the centre of town and the move would take us to a village just outside of our town which ds (who does drive) would probably find a nuisance.

I think I just thought that it was none of his business
Wtf! Its is home. Of course you need to tell him.

YABU but not in the way that you think you are. It's way weirder and more secretive to ask him to leave the house on that day for an unknown reason.

I get not wanting to give him the full low down on your plans but neither is it Operation Barbarossa. Why not just say you're toying with moving (for any vague reason, change of scenery whatever) but it's unlikely to happen?

This isn’t the case for a friend (detailed above), although the fact that their mother is deceased may be a factor. I had to sign a similar form when my now DH sold the flat he owned and that I lived in with him at the time? In fact I also had to declare I understood I had no claim on the property in any way as part of his purchasing it, so assumed a resident son would be similarly impacted?

Either way, I don’t understand why OP wouldn’t work with her son to ensure he had housing were she to move (though the subsequent posts seem to indicate that she is not committed to that anyway. The situation has MN ‘cocklodger’ vibes where new partner wants to buy with the proceeds of her sale and have his name on the deeds… but I may be being very cynical).

[edited because friend’s mum ss deceased not diseased 🤣]

Oh good grief.

So you told wrote a load of misinformation yet have now come back and told the truth.

It doesn't change anything.

He is an adult. You need to stop this silly cloak and dagger stuff.

What are his own plans for moving out anyway?

Many 23 year olds would prefer to house-share with people their own age.
Is that an option?

Turn it down? It's fine, the buyer's a perfectly grown woman who knows how the property market works. She could well be having a nosy gander herself too just toying with her options.