To ask adult child to go out as we've made plans?

[yourekiddingme]

We have decided to look for a bigger house with a view to maybe trying for another baby, it's early days and we've only just put the house on the market.
We have an adult ds living at home and haven't mentioned anything to him as it's early days and we don't know if it'll happen yet, the move or baby.
Someone is coming to view on Saturday and ds works Saturdays which is why we arranged for Saturday, unfortunately we did have to let this lady down last week as a work issue came up so she's coming this Saturday instead.
Ds has just announced that he's booked this Saturday off throwing a spanner in the works.

I can't mess this woman around again and I particularly don't want to explain our maybe plans to ds at this stage which would be awkward if she comes to view and he's home.
AIBU to tell him we've made plans around him being at work and it's inconvenient that he's now home and ask that if he's not working on Saturday he's not home?
I think I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm just so annoyed.

I think I just thought that it was none of his business, he doesn't tell us anything about his plans and I don't personally see why he should know yet if we are only considering.

You can see there is rather a big difference between your son not saying what he's doing (socially) and you planning to have a baby with your new man AND move house?

How does he get on with his step father?
How long have you been together?
Are you married?

soooo many judgmental people on here!

op might not even be 40 yet! Loads of women have children at 40 and over and they don’t get loads of flack for it like op is getting here

Some people just think you should be single forever op as you are a mother and that what they think women have to do to “put the kids first”

just tell him op, it’s no big deal he has a right to know! You say he’s going to be moving with you after all!

Just tell him you’re getting the house valued, so that if you want to move in later years, you’ve got an idea of how much it might possibly be worth. Therefore he needs to be out while this happens. Can you go out for coffee or you or your partner take him out

OP, my parents were emotionally abusive. They were sh*t, if I'm honest.
That said, I'm glad that you people are not my parents.
From a 44yo.
Just F tell your son, especially if he's likely to be upset.

This seems very strange, he's an adult who lives in the house, of course it's his business. Sort of understand if it's you and your husband discussing and unsure but the house is on the market ffs, how awful if your poor son find out from someone else that his house is up for sale. I'd be pretty hurt if you were my parents

Just tell that you’re thinking of moving, you don’t need to tell about the other plan unless it happens. I think you’re being unfair to him, he is your son after all. I just don’t get it.

No it's not that.

It's why she's testing the water with the house sale on the premise she will get pregnant.

It's messing buyers about!

Either you want to move or you don't.
You can't put a house on the market and then wait to see if you conceive.
How long would she give it?

Hmm... I think there's the new partner looking to get his feet under the table...
Be careful OP, you don't end up homeless - both you and your adult son.

Doesn't make sense.

A valuation is one agent coming round.

Not someone viewing which means the house needs to be 'staged' and tidy eyc.

From experience, he will definitely have legal rights as an adult resident in the house. When we moved home, our sellers’ daughter was refusing to leave the house or sign the legal document agreeing to do so on completion of sale. It delayed things considerably and the seller had to go through formal eviction processes. Very unpleasant.

That’s so odd! Did you find out why? Was she not allowed to live in their new house with them so was being made homeless? Or she just didn’t fancy moving?

Imagine being held to ransom by your adult kid like that and messing up a chain or people waiting to move!

Because he lives there!!

Yes, he doesn’t own the place, but it’s still his home.

Wow! Just wow!!

What a way to treat your son 😟

If you're not sure yet, tell him that. But definitely tell him you have someone coming, and are considering it.

I don't think this is right.

It only makes sense if they were tenants in common or maybe you're in Scotland.

None of his business? Wow. I just can’t relate to that at all.

You clearly infantilise your son. He’s allowed to have a lot to say about whatever he wants to. Awful thought processes going on here. He LIVES in that house. Imagine if someone started making plans for selling your home without letting you know. Good lord

Another vote for telling him, yes he might have a lot to say but he might as well know where your head is at.

The key to any good relationship is communication. It sounds like you’re avoiding the issue because you think your son will react badly.

He deserves to be kept in the loop though. Tell him you’re considering moving at the very least!

Show me where one person has said that OP should be single/get rid of the DH.

As I’ve not seen that once, so either I’ve missed it or you’ve just made it up because you’re projecting for some reason.

Pretty sure even landlords give their tenants notice to sell up!

From what we were told she was refusing to sign the paperwork agreeing to vacate on completion. There was nothing stopping her moving with the parents - she was just being difficult. Eventually she did sign but I think the parents actually got as far as starting the eviction process. Without the signed agreement it was their only course of action, as they wouldn’t have been able to complete. It was really hairy for a while because we were near the top of the chain and our buyer was threatening to pull out because of the delay, thinking it was us dithering - the whole thing would have collapsed. Never moving again - it’s not good for the nerves !!

We are currently testing the waters around selling our house. We might move, we might not but we've told our 9 year old and he understands.

You really should be telling your adult son.

Of course there was going to be a step parent thing going on here. Out with the old child, in with the new.

@yourekiddingme

You need to tell your son ASAP

Just frame it how you have on here.
We MAY move because we MAY have another child. We are putting it on the market to see how it goes.

Your DS may not like it but at least he will be able to process that changes might be coming down the line.

my kids are at uni and I can’t of much I would like less than another baby.

But be careful OP. Is this house in just your name? Will the new man be buying the new place with you and getting equity from this place? Who wants the baby, you or him? This is all weird but you need to protect yourself and your son.