MILs aren't the most important mums on mother's day

[mrlistersgelfbride]

Clickbait title?! 🙈
I'm just wondering if anyone else's MILs makes mothers day all about them?
Ok my MIL had 4 children, but she isn't the only person who has kids!
I'm a mum (to 1) and wanted a nice day with DD, maybe tea of my choice. Nothing major.
It seems like it'll be another day tailored to MIL ie. We have to go to her house and have her favourite type of food, at a time that suits her. If I protest MIL or partner say 'But you can't not see your mum on mother's day!'.
I never see my mum as she knows I'm busy, she's pretty low maintenance and is happy with a card and a text.
I don't have any specific plans but I just think it's selfish and a bit annoying that we all have to rush around to MILs.
AIBU?

Where has she said she didn't want him to go to see his mum?

Feel sorry for your mum. The fact she is 'low maintenance' does not mean she might not love to see you and DD.

Your husband doesn't get it. He is a father now, which means his responsibilities lie with naking a great mothers day for YOU. THE MOTHER of his children!

His mother is a grandmother now, she has had her time.

Lay it out for him! Mother's day is for Mother's of dependant children. Not Mothers of adult children with kids of their own.

Yup not helped by fact MIL birthday falls near Mother’s Day. So this weekend I have a weekend of hosting all the in laws and running after her. Pissed off to be honest.

So I've come away from this thread having been told by many posters, that as a mum of adults, I'm not really a mother. I've had my day and all I'm fit for is doing school pick ups, babysitting and other favours.

Thank goodness my own kids don't see me that way. Fortunately I have daughters.

I wonder how all those posters are going to feel when their kids are grown. I'm not even taking about Mother's Day particularly. In those mumsnetters eyes, I'm simply not a mother any more and I don't count.

Yeah, this. This year we're having a little get together for my family at ours, but DP will go and see his mum in the afternoon and then join us later on. We don't both need to do everything. In fact it's MUCH easier when you realise this, as you can each see your respective parents without the other being dragged along all the time (me and DP do this for just regular visits, but we will both go if there's a meal planned for a birthday or other event unless there's a clash, like on Mother's/Father's Day).

My DH has just cancelled our visit to MIL for this reason. And my DM has said she will meet me for lunch on Saturday so that I can have my own mother's day with my kids. It's not really that hard...

You never see your own mum on Mother’s Day?…..because you are too busy?
at least your DP cares enough to want to see his own Mum….you don’t have to go with him ….do your own thing…..maybe see your own mum this year …or is it all about you

Why would you be on your own. You are the mother of your child so obviously your child will be with you on Mother's Day if that's what you want.

Maybe it’s just me - but I never went to grandparents houses every Mothering Sunday as a child.

At last, someone using the correct name, Mothering Sunday.

Maybe because he is not allowed to criticise his sainted MIL, it used to be the men who moaned about MILs!

I have a MIL just like yours! Everything revolves around her and what SHE wants and she acts all hard done by if anyone fails to adhere to her rules - she even tells people where to sit!
I know it's not as easy to say that you're not going - there are certain times of year that I can't do that because of the arguments it will cause but I have started putting my foot down more and have begun to slowly get some of my "freedom" back - for your own sanity, start putting your foot down, even if it's with compromised shorter visits (that's how I started) to begin with.
Good luck x

I am looking to divorce and still ex mil was expecting me to visit her on mother's day 🙄

Make plans with you mum and child and if anyone argues point out mil has had x amount if mothers day and your mum doesn't

Go and see your own mother. Low maintenance indeed - do you honestly think she wouldn't like to see you?

There is your get out clause right there, “But you can’t not see your mum on Mothers Day!” You reply “Your mother is not the only Mother on Mothers Day, you seem to forget that I have one too and I would like to spend some time with her, and in case it had slipped your notice I’m a Mother too now.
If your mum has no other plans then take DD to your mums. Let there be an argument, it’s about time. If you don’t start pushing back then every Christmas, Easter etc will be as spent by you pandering to her wishes.
MIL getting upset is manipulation, it means she gets her own way. e. Start putting your foot down.

Lay it out for him! Mother's day is for Mother's of dependant children. Not Mothers of adult children with kids of their own.

Your very wrong. Mothers day originated as a day when adult children in service were given the day off to visit their mother's. It was very much not about young children. It was about adults who'd flown the nest getting a day to visit their mothers.

To visit their mother church, originally. So definitely not about dependent children.
There should be space for all to celebrate. I find small children tend to know exactly how important their mothers are, it's the adult ones who maybe need a special day to remind them!

Quite possibly @saraclara , but it has evolved away from a Sunday in the lent period to visit your mother church and family, into a celebration day to thank woman for mothering. Given that, it’s perfectly normal in most families to focus on the women in a family who are actually doing the mothering and in the middle of raising children, while still thanking those who’s child rearing days are over by their now adult dcs.

i mean the MIL isn’t suggesting the OP, her DH and DD come over to go to the church he was baptised in, so it’s really not that they are focussing on the old origins of this tradition.

Will you expect your child to prioritise you at mothers day when they are an adult? Children learn from what they see and experience.

Go to your Mum’s then?

I asked DH if we could book to go out for lunch seeing as we do fuck all for me 365 days a year. DH said we should invite his mum. I told him he can take her to dinner if he wants but I want to do something in the day with MY DS. Needles to say, we are doing fuck all yet again!

Yes. So the OP should take her child and go visit HER mother.

It's only called Mothering Sunday in a few countries so I'd hardly call it the 'correct way' on a global site

You are being unreasonable for pondering to her. It’s Mother’s Day, she’s not your mum and neither is your daughter. Stand up for yourself. You say your mum is happy with a text but is she really? That’s a bit of a shame that you don’t make the effort for your own mum but go to your mother in les every year.

My sister and her DH have a good set up.

They spend the morning together as a family and then both go and see their own mums separately.
They alternate who takes the kids with them.

You are blaming the wrong person here.
This isn’t the MILs fault.

If you and DH can’t even reach a compromise without arguing, then you’ve got way bigger problems.
It should not just be his way or no way x