MILs aren't the most important mums on mother's day

[mrlistersgelfbride]

Clickbait title?! 🙈
I'm just wondering if anyone else's MILs makes mothers day all about them?
Ok my MIL had 4 children, but she isn't the only person who has kids!
I'm a mum (to 1) and wanted a nice day with DD, maybe tea of my choice. Nothing major.
It seems like it'll be another day tailored to MIL ie. We have to go to her house and have her favourite type of food, at a time that suits her. If I protest MIL or partner say 'But you can't not see your mum on mother's day!'.
I never see my mum as she knows I'm busy, she's pretty low maintenance and is happy with a card and a text.
I don't have any specific plans but I just think it's selfish and a bit annoying that we all have to rush around to MILs.
AIBU?

As a mum of a boy, I hope that I will have learned from my twat of a mother-in-law how not to piss off my future daughter-in-law with neediness and jealousy.

Go and see your Mum!!
It's sad when you say that she has got used to it! Put yourself in her shoes.......imagine when your child is older and they go to see their MIL and not you. That will hurt and no doubt your Mum is hurting too. Spend some time with her and your child before it's too late and you habe to carry that regret in the future.
I understand not wanting to upset the MIL but sometimes you have to just stop doing what you're expected to do, just to appease others and do what you want to do. Your partner can go and see her himself and she can see her grandchild another day. If she doesn't like it, then tough, she's obviously used to getting what she wants but she needs a wake up call!!
Life is too short to keep going along with stuff that you don't really want to do! Go and see your Mum, you will be glad you did x

I find small children tend to know exactly how important their mothers are, it's the adult ones who maybe need a special day to remind them!

Exactly!

Assuming that any of the adults' mothers live reasonably local, it's not that hard to consider all the mums.

For me, Mothers Day for me and my DDs was all about the first couple of hours of the morning. My kids bringing me breakfast in bed, then cards and present time. All very sweet and it didn't take long. So the rest of the day was available for other visits or being visited. Likewise my adult DD is getting a special breakfast etc from her DH and small children, then she's coming to see me with the grandkids (her suggestion).

I'm not sure why the day has to be claimed by just one of the mothers involved, distance permitting.

I gave my mum flowers and chocolate on wednesday because I’m working nights till Sunday and I’ve got plans with my children on Sunday she happy because she’s going to Paris on Monday which I’ve paid toward.

Just tell DH balls to that, it is my day too, and we’ll not be joining you. DD and I will do something nice together on the day.

I’d sooner eat my own hand, than hang out with my MIL on Mother’s Day (or any other for that matter lol)

Why are you more important than your MIL?
You are both Mothers.
Neither of you would be alive without your Mother.
Your husband would not be here either.
This type of preciousness on similar threads is nauseating.

Op time to stock your heels in. It's your day too and you have a mother and you are entitled to see her. It's mothers day and you want to spend it with your child then she goes with you. Your mil literally can't fight the logic as she will have her children. If your husband fights with you on this show him this thread if you don't feel you can fight back. I'm very easy going until I'm cornered, if my mil/husband did this I would tell them I'll never spend a mothers day or holiday in her house again just to prove a point as i won't be bullied

The point is that it's not a realistic expectation. OP has a mother too. Is she less 'important' than MiL because she happens to make fewer demands on her child/ren?

I'm unsure how Mumsnet - a supportive site for parents - has arrived at a position where pressure is exerted on people to appease those who kick off and demand the most, that little consideration is given to those who don't, and that when OPs don't pander to this, they are the ones somehow unreasonable and unbending in their attitudes.

This isn't a consensus view but it's certainly more commonplace than I'd expect on a site like this. Are people really this weak and easily malleable?

'But you can't not see your mum on mother's day!'.

she is not your mum. DH can go and you spend the day with your daughter. if they argue you can lean back on the fact youre not seeing your own mum.

Yes, sadly this is the attitude of many of these self-centred harpies on Mumsnet.
It’s always ‘see your mother and take DD with you’; the child is her husband’s daughter too, maybe he would like his mother to see her too.
I’m so happy that my lovely, considerate DiL doesn’t treat me, or my son, like this.

I'm a very low maintenance MiL and I wouldn't dream of demanding my Dds visit on mother's day though if they did I suppose it'd be nice to see the gc too. I don't see them very often. We normally go out a few weeks later.
I don't understand the Mils/Ms who need to see the gc on Mother's Day when they see them regularly.

Haha to thinking that ‘mothering’ stops when your offspring leave home.

I have the same OP. I have to remind my DH that I’m a Mum too and he says ‘you’re not my Mum’. Problem is my Mum is too far away for me to go see.

And I have a very passive aggressive MIL who expects us all plus grandchildren to go and see her.

I am not going this year. Kids are now teenagers who don’t want to go. I think DH can go alone and I’ll have a peaceful day. Hope you can go see your Mum.

I know sometimes we do things for a quiet life but with these types of MIL (and DHs) it creates a precedent.

I'm one of those 'low-maintenance' Mum/MIL I guess. I love my (now adult children plus partners) and wouldn't want to put extra pressures on them. Modern life is complicated enough especially when you have a young family and need to juggles many demands. It's a joy to see them as and when, and I hope they feel the same in return rather than dreading it, or it becoming a 'duty' visit.

I think it’s tricky as I’m basically now having to say ‘I don’t want to see your Mum on Sunday’. Which sounds mean - I do like her (despite the passive aggressiveness!). I just don’t want to see her on Mother’s Day.

Do you give in to bullies as well ?

I don't know your set up, or family relationships, but what we do is all get together, so me, mother, daughter and mother in law and either go for a coffee, or lunch, or we all get together at one of our houses with the rest of the immediate family and have a bite to eat. Everyone is then included, no one has to do too much because we all chip in and everyone has a relaxing afternoon.

Go and see your own mother, your husband can go and see his. I really don't understand the anguish about it unless you're going to dripfeed something quite spectacular?

It would be an argument I'm willing to have. If you can't see your own mum just do something nice with your DC on your own.

Yet it’s not grandmother’s day, so the OP should keep her dd with her on….Mothers’ day and go to see her own mum for the 3rd time in 13 years!

I wonder how many mumsnetters observe Grandparents Day with their kids? I'm going to guess that most either didn't know the date or even that there was such a day.

I hadn’t even heard of it until this thread. The grandparents won’t have either and will think it rather commercial, though.

They prefer to be loved, honoured and visited throughout the year so I’m happy to oblige.

I used to send Grandparents cards to My Nana and In-laws but after the former died I stopped for my in laws as well but for other reasons.

This!
I am the MIL.

I want my DILs to have lovely days! That's all really. My sons usually nip round with a card.

All this fuss is crazy. It's really for little children to do something for their Mummy. When did it get so silly?!

That’s harsh, just pointing out life is short, sometimes we all need a gentle reminder