To think DH should have come straight home today?

[rainbowsunsgold]

DH was working away Tuesday and yesterday and today would have been home for half five but he’s gone to give his mum a Mother’s Day present. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem but we have an ill and very clingy baby and I feel like he should have come straight back to help. AIBU? (She’s away Sunday.)

Take over from you. Take the baby and the other child, do what needs doing, you go to bed and get some sleep, that's what most couples do.

You said in your op
DH was working away Tuesday and yesterday and today would have been home for half five

You're now saying 4pm, why is your timings changing ?

It is hardly selfish. He’s gone. I haven’t stopped him. But i am disappointed.

Because he had the option to leave at 3, and would have then been home at 4. But he stayed at work until 4.

Sorry but your husband thought he'd grab a chance to see his mum before Mothers Day as he won't see her on the day.

Your poorly baby was with its mum. It doesn't need two of you to be there with a poorly baby.
I feel sure that you'll get the full focus of your husband on Sunday, unlike many other mums.

That you've been in sole care of a poorly baby for three whole days is not a badge of honour.
Many partners aren't able to take time off to support mum when a child is poorly.

Only if you're female, apparently.

the previous 2 posters are right. And you can't have been that stressed you've done a lot of posting on this thread.

I’m standing up holding a baby. What do you want me to be doing?

Many partners aren't able to take time off to support mum when a child is poorly.

They come home in the evening though, and the decent ones come home as early as they can and flex hours, work later etc to make that happen if possible. I'm sure most of us can relate to pacing the floors, watching the front door willing it to open.

I voted YABU but I do understand you’re tired and fed up and I don’t want to put the boot in ! I remember these times well and they are very tough

hopefully you will get some rest tonight at some point

It’s so patronising people telling me I’m tired like I’m a toddler. I am tired. I also work. On the odd occasion DH has had to take time off with an unwell child I haven’t called in to see a friend or something because it’s hard work.

Jeez. It's one night in the year. Let him go and see him mum.

Unless there's something else going on here?

It’s actually the third night his children don’t see him this week alone.

He should have come home to take over if you're exhausted.

He hasn't done any parenting for 72 hours though

Ah okay, so it wasn't planned.

I think that does change things a bit - he knew you were struggling and deliberately chose to stay away longer - that's not fair, especially as he didn't run it by you first.

But equally I do see why he did it - he wanted to see his mum and it was only making him a few hours late, and he wouldn't get another chance before she went away.

~ sits on fence ~

Op I'm with you and MIL would expect him to come home to his children and exhausted wife and see her a different day over having to deliver a card and some chocolates!

They aren't being patronising, they're being understanding & supportive. You ARE tired & when people are tired, they can be unreasonable, which I hate to say, you seem to be starting to be. You are starting to argue, rather than consider people are taking the time to reply & be supportive & respond accordingly.

I'm now getting the impression the issue is much bigger than the just issue that's been raised in isolation.

Only if you're the mother clearly.

Gently OP you're being overly dramatic and unreasonable.

We've all been there looking after kids who are ill (yes- multiple days) because the other half have been at work.

Unfortunately you know part of his job involves staying away and it wasn't unreasonable to pop to his mother's to drop a gift off.

If you really can't cope looking after your sick children- then you need to address jobs and change them so you're both home every night.

The kids will get ill again and what if he's away longer than 3 days?

Except by 8 she'll have put two kids to bed, done dinner and baths, probably started tidying up. He'll come in to a quiet house, probably having eaten enough route or at his Moms and op won't have stopped to eat

It’s not patronising, you are literally on here complaining about being exhausted. Most saying you are tired we’re showing empathy saying it.

The kids will get ill again and what if he's away longer than 3 days?

Then she'll cope, because she won't have a choice. He is making a choice though, he's choosing to leave her to it.

If you were genuinely trying to be gentle you wouldn’t have written this.

the kid will get ill again and what if he’s away longer than three days interesting wording there, it definitely assumes the ill kid as you put it is solely my responsibility doesn’t it?

He’s popped to his mums for a couple of hours not gone to Mongolia for a month!

perspective people!!

I don't understand why you're getting a hard time here OP.

It's awful having to look after sick kids by yourself, especially when you're sleep deprived. He's probably had a couple of great night's sleep in a hotel with a cooked breakfast etc, he should be coming home to see his kids and be a parent.

And I never get why people say "I did it as a single parent". People with one leg manage to get around, but it doesn't mean that people with two legs should hop when they can walk 🤷‍♀️

I say that as a lone parent with no second parent or grandparents to help.

He should have come home and I think it's just lazy parenting on his part to leave the domestic and childcare labour to you when he's already had two nights off the clock and you've been working 24/7 for 3 days.