To think DH should have come straight home today?

[rainbowsunsgold]

DH was working away Tuesday and yesterday and today would have been home for half five but he’s gone to give his mum a Mother’s Day present. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem but we have an ill and very clingy baby and I feel like he should have come straight back to help. AIBU? (She’s away Sunday.)

He'll be home by 8pm.

It's only an extra 2.5 hours.

He was working away Tuesday and Wednesday and will be home this evening at 8pm.

He was working close by his parents house, is makes sense to drop the card and gift in on the way home as she's away Sunday.

You're obviously feeling tired and angry at the world, unfortunately this is life, kids get sick, it falls on one parent more, especially if one works away sometimes.

Let him see his mam , he can take over when he's home at 8pm. It really isn't the end of the world. 2 days alone with your children is not really that big of an issue.

As a fully grown adult I have always been perfectly fine with receiving a card/gift later or at a more convenient time if life gets in the way. I'd much prefer my son to focus on being the best dad and partner he can be. Im way more concerned about a ill child having as much support as they need than recieving a visit or card.

I'm sure the Mil would of survived. There is no need for op to have to cope/survive any longer than necessary for something that absolutely is not vital. Only the other day there was a post about not making a song and dance over mothering Sunday and yet so many posters seem to think that's more important than a sick child and an exhausted parent?

It feels like we / I are bottom of the list after work and his own family I guess.

By 8pm she'll have done another 3 hours with a cranky baby, including (I'm guessing on the ages) dinner and bedtime for two older children as well. While the DH sits and chats with his parents. After 3 days of adult company with no sick clingy baby.

It would probably have been much better if he'd come home and then gone back out at 8, if that is logistically doable.

I think its a bit shit tbh. Its hard going on your own. I know for a fact my MIL would prioritise my DH coming home to help me with a sick kid over a present any day! (and i appreciate her every day lol)

You are worn out, tired & after 3 days of it, I guarantee most Mum's would be tearing their hair out, especially when DH says he's off to see his Mum first.

he can't see her any other time & he's making sure she receives her gift, that's thoughtful. That said, is he fully aware of how stressed & tired you really feel? Perhaps once home he will make a real effort. Get the LO's to bed & get him to sort a meal & a glass of wine for you.

I’m on all night as well though. It isn’t like I clock off at a certain time.

Still it isn’t forever. I

No she has 2 children in total, one is sick.

He was due home at 5.30pm he'll be home at 8pm.

He can take over at 8pm, I'm sure the children would have been fed by 5.30 when he was originally due home, he can put them to bed at 8pm when he gets home.

He was working, earning money, he wasn't away for fun. Obviously he'll have spoken to adults 🤦

Take over what? lol.

Feels like forever when you're in it OP

No, it isn't BS. A man's wife comes before his mother.

It does, it’s hard as she won’t let me put her down and I can’t do anything. So I’m frantically doing everything in the 730-1030 shift!

It doesn't matter if he does or not. Mother's day isn't a big deal when your children are grown imo.

It isn’t that I am or want to compete with mil but I do think he should have come home for the children if not me.

The ill baby is with their mother, safe and cared for. This is his chance to see his mother, he took it. I think most people would.

if he wasn’t going what time would he usually be home?

Yabu

It's two and a half hours out of the year. Mother's Day only happens once a year, and it's lovely that your DH wants to honour her.

There are plenty of posts on Mumsnet about how hopeless DHs are at this and it always falls to the daughter in law, or the MIL gets upset! He sounds like a good guy, give him a break.

Today he could have been home by 4.

I would be very disappointed in DS if he delayed going home to help his wife take care of their sick child, especially in these circumstances, just to give me a card/gift for Mothers Day. I'm a grown woman, I can wait a few days for things.

I understand how you feel OP. You've probably had your eye on the finish line and now feel like it's been moved further away without your consent and that is miserable. I hope you can get some decent rest when he does pitch up.

Was it always the plan for him to go and see his mum, or is this just something he dropped on you this afternoon when you were counting down until he got back?

You can't do everything & because you are, that's why it's frantic. You've said a couple of times that when DH is home 'what is he taking over'...tidying up, washing up, sorting what's needed for his children & his wife. You need to hand the reigns over, if you don't, it will always be like this. If you keep doing it all & everything gets done, people won't realise you need help & most importantly, support. Take care.

Then yes that does suck.

Will baby settle in a sling so you can at least free you arms for a rest.

hand baby over when he gets in and go for a nap.

No, we forgot to post it! I do get his thinking but think it was misguided.

I’m with this poster I’m afraid and I think you’re being unreasonable like the majority have voted.

It’s Mother’s Day this week and his Mum is away on Sunday - he wants to see his Mum briefly on his way back and give her a gift in person so that she feels loved and appreciated- let it go.

I don’t see how an extra hour or two without him is a massive problem. You’re being really selfish.