To think DH should have come straight home today?

[rainbowsunsgold]

DH was working away Tuesday and yesterday and today would have been home for half five but he’s gone to give his mum a Mother’s Day present. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem but we have an ill and very clingy baby and I feel like he should have come straight back to help. AIBU? (She’s away Sunday.)

I agree op. He should have prioritised you and the kids and seen his mum another time. It’s obviously been a long 3 days and getting back before bedtime would make all the difference.

I’m sure there would have been countless days when your MIL was left with a sickly baby and that’s why it’s important that baby went to see her before coming home

RTFT before commenting, or at least the OP's posts, there's a handy See All button. That way you'll know if your post is relevant or repeating what everyone else has said or kicking an exhausted mum when she's down.

OP didn't appear too exhausted did she though? Spent most the evening on mumsnet detailing how she was unable to cope.

I have a feeling there is more to this story because the OP then went on to say just how useless her DH is...I guess that's MILs fault for not parenting him correctly.

I'd like to hear the DHs side of this story.

She seemed exhausted and frazzled to me. I can use a phone one handed while walking a cranky baby around the room but not do much else of use. Her posts took me right back to those days of sick, cranky babies and losing my mind.

true and fair points then there is also where ops drip feed information so also it would of been more helpful if the op had detailed the full details in the original op too

Honestly, are people really so feeble that they can't read or type while knackered?

When my kids were small and shit sleepers, middle of the night MN was often the thing that kept me distracted and sane from the tedium and the tiredness. You've got a Velcro baby, you can do fuck all about that but you can do things that will make the long minutes and hours pass a little more quickly, and maybe even in some cases voice frustration where there is no other audience for it?

But maybe I've just got extraordinary capabilities denied to other humans, what with being able to hold a baby in one arm and a phone in the other. Total superhero, me.

Why didn't he just post the card today? It would have got there before Sunday.

YANBU. Mothers' Day is commercialised nonsense. Both my mother and my mother in law were of the same opinion.

Even if you (general you, not OP) set any store by it, it would be pretty pathetic of your mother in law if she couldn't see you and the baby shouldn't get priority here.

There's no drip feeding in this thread. The sick DC and cranky baby is in the OP, as is the DH making a choice not to come straight home.

Besides, the existence of drip feeding is just another reason to RTFT.

OP was saying the baby was screaming, clingy, she couldn't sort clean clothes and needed to call 111 with mefivaconcerns for the baby.

Yes, I can parent and use my phone but really? Under the circumstances that the OP was describing I would not be posting on Mumsnet. I'd be sorting out my kids.

There is more to this.

Perhaps he thought if he did that then he could come home and give you and baby his full attention. It is hard with a sick baby, I know as DH worked away for between two and six weeks at a time. He used to get drunk on the way home. Pub then station pub then 2 1/2 hours on the train with others then kept me awake snoring loudly all night. Hope you get some respite later.

Well he chose to have a wife and children, he is responsible for maintaining those relationships and helping where possible, that should be his priority.

I can't sort laundry one handed while holding a crying baby. I'm sure some can, but I can't. I can MN though, and distracting myself by reading can help. OP probably just wanted to vent and didn't want to slag her husband off to her friends. Who knows she may even have been holding the phone waiting for a callback from the doctor.

Aside from this not being an isolated incident (hardly surprising), I don't think there's any more going on here.

Go, Sherlock, go!

I don’t think that you are being unreasonable. I would be annoyed too. He should have discussed it with you. You might have needed food, medicines or just 5 minutes for a shower. His coming early would make a huge difference for you whereas his mum didn’t need this trip today. He went just because he forgot to post a card and didn’t want to own it.

I do genuinely hope baby settles and is well for you to enjoy a nice Mother's Day weekend

YABU, and need to get a grip to be honest.

I can't blame him for staying out later if this is what he gets when he comes back!

YANBU sounds like a tough couple of days. He should have prioritised offering support as soon as he could. Hope things improve for you and baby soon.

my point was, that it's tough, but we've all been there and if you can post here you can play candy crush or whatever, scroll through your SM, read the papers, get the Kindle App and read a book.

It's not exactly been hacking away at the coal face.

But to be serious: what would you rather have in a husband? someone who takes the more time-economical route of visiting his mum on the way home? Someone who comes home and says "got to pop out in a bit to take my mum's card over"? someone who ignores his mum on mother's day?

When I spend an evening scrolling and posting on Mumsnet, it is precisely because I am exhausted and knackered, to be honest. It’s a gauge of my mental health and energy: if I have energy and am feeling fine, I am doing something else.
And I spent way more time on MN when DC were small and many of the topics were of more relevance. It’s quite a good way to spend time when you are looking after babies and cannot put them down. I was/am a single parent so no company. eople posting is how the site works, to be fair.

@Hibernating80 I am that poster and it's not a made up example . It's completely true. As stated the entire family including me have been ill over the last 3 weeks. I am on emergency leave and the moment to be here and look after them. Even if I was in work we do have a desktop and access to the outside world. I often browse MN in the early hours.

So, when your son marries, you’re no longer his mother? You don’t sound particularly lovely to me Theresa….

What's ironic about this whole situation is that the MIL chose to go away for the day on Mothers' Day instead of seeing her son. Which in turn implies that there was no desperate need for him to go yesterday- he could easily have gone the following weekend, for example.

Maybe she’s going to be with one of her other children?