To think DH should have come straight home today?

[rainbowsunsgold]

DH was working away Tuesday and yesterday and today would have been home for half five but he’s gone to give his mum a Mother’s Day present. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem but we have an ill and very clingy baby and I feel like he should have come straight back to help. AIBU? (She’s away Sunday.)

YANBU @rainbowsunsgold. There’s not a chance in hell my DH would do this to me, and quite frankly if he tried my truly awesome MIL would send him away immediately to come home with a cake she’d baked for me.

So you've been caring for 2 small kids, 1 of them sick, on your own for 3 days. His mum might be away on Sunday but there's still 2 full days for him to go and see her. Yes I think he should have come home, and gone to see her tomorrow.

Sounds like he was looking for any excuse to not deal with the shit going down at home. I agree with you OP.

Can't say I'd blame him.

Of course he should come straight home and help you. He can arrange another time with his mum. There are a lot of grandmums on here.

Why is that relevant? Are grandmothers' opinions less meaningful than mothers'?

I hope I've raised my DSes well enough to be confident that they'd prioritise an exhausted partner and unwell child over dropping off a present for me.

TBH I'd be gutted and disgusted with them and with my parenting if they tried this.

You are not being unreasonable. No way. Don’t let anyone else here tell you otherwise.

If I’ve single handedly been looking after the kids for three days, and the baby is ill, and the first thing he does is “pop” over his mother’s, there would be serious words. What an absolute piss take.

Mumsnet is weird. I’m always at odds with what is led slide and what gets the pitch forks out.

Mother’s Day is so important especially to mums when their sons have married and have families of their own. It’s one night, the children will be there when he gets home and I am sure it means the world to him and his mum. YABU, put yourself in your MILs shoes and stop trying to compete with her. If you are off on one your DH might not want to rush home to you

It means be prepared that there are some very bias posts.

There are also lots of made up examples, such as people saying they are a single mum to 4 kids and work nights and then are posting on this. Anyone can pretend anyone on Mumsnet and sometimes people have multiple profiles to try and swing the debate.

This!

I meant to agree with @JassyRadlett Just want to make that clear as the quote thread was actually pretty long.

Yes I should have cut it sorry!

@JassyRadlett didnt know that was possible :)

The fuck? Newsflash: Mother’s Day is very important to many mums home with young children who or are back at work juggling work and young kids ENDLESSLY. It might well be important to women who’s husbands travel fro work so while their dhs are completely free to work they have to juggle work and children on their own, that deserves appreciation. Especially when there’s a sick baby. It isn’t rocket science to say Mother’s Day is important to the women still actively mothering in every second of non work time and quite a bit of work time too once they are sick and you have to leave work etc. the op is in this boat.

Wow, this thread is so weird. Since when did dads not count as a parent too? Since when did being a parent mean you can’t feel in desperate need of 5 minutes peace after lack of sleep and an ill baby?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I think it would have been nice for him to have shown some empathy and asked if you’d rather he came home to give you a break first. As you’ve said, OP, you felt it was avoiding the baby a bit rather than Mother’s Day being particularly important to him.

And yes, as parents we do get on with it, but it doesn’t mean our partners can’t take a bit of time to put themselves in our shoes and think how we might be feeling, as we do for them.

It is not a unique problem, no, and it is understandable to be grumpy about it. I mean, women will not have equality really until there is also equality in the home as well as outside of it. And that is pretty crap to be at the coalface of.

i hope you found the remote and your baby gets better soon

Like the OP who is so exhausted and stressed with a clinging baby and mounting washing but can keep being vile to PP?

LTB

what help would you requested he assist with that presumably was not already taken care of ?

Wow, this thread is crazy and depressing. How can an ill baby and exhausted partner not be more important than an entirely commercial gimmick like Mothers Day! He could celebrate his mum any time of the year. He's had and will have many more evenings with his mum than he will with young children. Incredible that women will give up work to be good mums, and a dad doesn't even have to come home when they're ill. He is a parent too - you don't get to just switch it off because someone else is with them.

Oh hi! For people who can read, the op has half a dozen posts saying I am standing up holding the baby, I’m holding the baby, I’ve been on 24/7 for 3 days, and here’s another one: it does, it’s hard as she won’t let me put her down and I can’t do anything. So I’m frantically doing everything in the 730-1030 shift!
So I don’t think it takes a genius or even moderate reading skills. The help the op would like is for her Dh to come home and hold the ill baby and give her a fucking break. But maybe next time you’re basically up for 3 days running juggling work and ill babies solo someone will come along and sneer at you ‘what help exactly could you need?’ And I’m sure you’ll think you know what , that was fair. I deserved that.

ill admit due to the spacing out of all the ops posts, my apologies i only read the opening op due to reading other threads too

She isn't the only parent? Showing your love and appreciation for mothers should include providing support and relief to the mother of your own child. Else his gift-giving caper is merely hypocrisy.