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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should have come straight home today?

352 replies

rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 16:18

DH was working away Tuesday and yesterday and today would have been home for half five but he’s gone to give his mum a Mother’s Day present. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem but we have an ill and very clingy baby and I feel like he should have come straight back to help. AIBU? (She’s away Sunday.)

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 19:58

@BadgerFace i have to admit I do think there was an element of dodging the baby. I mean, I don’t think I’m going to get much on Sunday bar some flowers maybe. Which is fine but sheesh!

OP posts:
Coolstorybroh · 07/03/2024 19:59

Some people on this thread are ridiculous. Your MIL is a grown woman FFS, she can deal if her son doesn't hand deliver a card for mother's day. He should have come home and helped you.

settledorn · 07/03/2024 20:00

YANBU. Mother's is about the wife rather than the mother when a man has children imo. He could have sent her the card and gift.

You couldn't be more wrong

WhoaJayShettybambalam · 07/03/2024 20:03

@TeaKitten what is your problem?

TeaKitten · 07/03/2024 20:03

rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 19:57

@TeaKitten you have made thirteen posts on this thread, and most of them have been somewhat critical of me shall we say.

You think I’m unreasonable, fine, noted. Thank you. Let’s move on 👍🏻

Bit odd to count, we have been replying to each other, hence various posts and you have been exactly the same to me, cannot be arsed counting them though! But nowhere have I called you an awful human or a twat, and my concern for your baby was genuine. I’d have been less critical if you weren’t accusing me of saying things I have not said.

Hopefully your DH is home now anyway and you can tell him that you are disappointed in him, hopefully he will make it up to you on Mother’s Day.

JanglingJack · 07/03/2024 20:05

I'm a lone parent, always have been, we do just have to get on with it. However if I did have someone to pass poorly baby over to, to have a break, I'd be a bit pissed off too!

Hope you get some rest soon.

DaffodilsAlready · 07/03/2024 20:06

rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 19:34

It’s tough and I do feel a bit like it’s me and the children as one unit then he’s another unit. Probably haven’t explained well!

Show quote history

No, I get it.
It is not the fact that he has gone to see his mum to drop off her Mother’s Day present, it is the fact that he decided this at the last minute, without even having to think about the DC because you are there to do that.
He is able to travel for work and develop his career without having to worry about the DC because you are there to do that.
He has not had to get up for night-wakings because you are there to do that.
He apparently cannot sort laundry because you are there to do that.
So the issue is not the four hours to deliver the card and visit, which is the right thing to do for his own mum, but everything else.

Original poster
rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:07

TeaKitten · 07/03/2024 20:03

Bit odd to count, we have been replying to each other, hence various posts and you have been exactly the same to me, cannot be arsed counting them though! But nowhere have I called you an awful human or a twat, and my concern for your baby was genuine. I’d have been less critical if you weren’t accusing me of saying things I have not said.

Hopefully your DH is home now anyway and you can tell him that you are disappointed in him, hopefully he will make it up to you on Mother’s Day.

Show quote history

I still can’t find the remote so I have nothing better to do.

I didn’t say you called me a twat. I said ‘maybe I am unpleasant. Maybe I am a twat with no redeeming features.’ The point was, why keep replying to an unpleasant poster? It comes across a bit like wanting an argument to be honest and that’s why I was reluctant to engage. You also don’t appear to have reported any of my supposed unpleasant posts as I can’t see that any have been removed.

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:08

JanglingJack · 07/03/2024 20:05

I'm a lone parent, always have been, we do just have to get on with it. However if I did have someone to pass poorly baby over to, to have a break, I'd be a bit pissed off too!

Hope you get some rest soon.

Lone parents are incredible Flowers

OP posts:
Bloom15 · 07/03/2024 20:08

rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 18:10

make sure DH is doing the night shift so you can sleep 🤣🤣🤣

Why can't he though?!

He has been away since Monday so his turn now. If he doesn't do that then you have more issues than him calling into his mum's for a couple of hours and being a bit selfish

Pigglyplaystruant99 · 07/03/2024 20:08

YABU
If it makes his life easier, and from your posts it seems she's not there on Sunday, why can't you be glad he'll be around for the extra time on Sunday? An extra hour here or there right now isn't worth arguing over. I get how tired you lost be, but every parent goes through this-if you were on your own, you would have no choice.

Original poster
rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:09

DaffodilsAlready · 07/03/2024 20:06

No, I get it.
It is not the fact that he has gone to see his mum to drop off her Mother’s Day present, it is the fact that he decided this at the last minute, without even having to think about the DC because you are there to do that.
He is able to travel for work and develop his career without having to worry about the DC because you are there to do that.
He has not had to get up for night-wakings because you are there to do that.
He apparently cannot sort laundry because you are there to do that.
So the issue is not the four hours to deliver the card and visit, which is the right thing to do for his own mum, but everything else.

Show quote history

It is this yes. And I have been overly grumpy about it. It annoys me but I also know it isn’t a unique problem (unfortunately.)

And where the flying fish is the bloody remote!?

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:10

Pigglyplaystruant99 · 07/03/2024 20:08

YABU
If it makes his life easier, and from your posts it seems she's not there on Sunday, why can't you be glad he'll be around for the extra time on Sunday? An extra hour here or there right now isn't worth arguing over. I get how tired you lost be, but every parent goes through this-if you were on your own, you would have no choice.

Piggly

If we’d gone on Sunday we’d all have gone.

It was a bit more than an extra hour or two.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 07/03/2024 20:12

rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:07

I still can’t find the remote so I have nothing better to do.

I didn’t say you called me a twat. I said ‘maybe I am unpleasant. Maybe I am a twat with no redeeming features.’ The point was, why keep replying to an unpleasant poster? It comes across a bit like wanting an argument to be honest and that’s why I was reluctant to engage. You also don’t appear to have reported any of my supposed unpleasant posts as I can’t see that any have been removed.

Show quote history

I thought you wanted to stop discussing this? We’ve both said our part on the unpleasant thing, im glad your baby is ok and finally asleep. Enjoy your sweets and peace OP

Original poster
rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:15

TeaKitten · 07/03/2024 20:12

I thought you wanted to stop discussing this? We’ve both said our part on the unpleasant thing, im glad your baby is ok and finally asleep. Enjoy your sweets and peace OP

Show quote history

I’m happy to continue the discussion if you wish to @TeaKitten . Like I say I am not doing anything else! What I was querying was the purpose of your personal criticisms of my character and what you hoped to achieve with said observations.

OP posts:
CountryMumof4 · 07/03/2024 20:19

I just wanted to send you a massive hug. I've had many times when I've looked after a poorly child for what felt like years, but was actually only a couple of days, and literally counted down the minutes til DH arrived home to help. If he'd then suddenly delayed that by hours, I'd have felt pretty fed up too. When you're dealing with endless sick covered washing too, it's even worse!

Hope your baby feels better soon and that you get some rest (and locate the missing remote!)

TeaKitten · 07/03/2024 20:20

rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:15

I’m happy to continue the discussion if you wish to @TeaKitten . Like I say I am not doing anything else! What I was querying was the purpose of your personal criticisms of my character and what you hoped to achieve with said observations.

Show quote history

😂 I have explained about 3 times I was asking after your baby, and then responding to your criticism posts. I can’t think what more there is to discuss. Can you not download one of those apps to your phone that acts as a remote? Was a life saver for me when trapped under a sleeping baby. Don’t worry I’m not suggesting you should leave the thread, genuine suggestion if you have a smart tv!

Original poster
rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:22

Thanks @CountryMumof4

So it was purely concern for my baby when you called me unpleasant @TeaKitten ?

Thats an … interesting way of expressing concern, isn’t it. Forgive my cynicism.

OP posts:
REignbow · 07/03/2024 20:23

I empathise @rainbowsunsgold

The dropping off of the Mother’s Day gift, is a bit of red herring. He’s been away, he knows that one of your very young DC is unwell and yet he’s unilaterally decided to stop by his mums and come home very late. Which you would ordinarily not have an issue with if it wasn’t for the above.

IMO, I think you need to look at the broader picture here. Why isn’t he doing some of the night time wake ups? Why is it easier for you to do X, Y and Z for the DC? Why are you resigned to having a below par Mother’s Day, because he cannot be bothered to think about anything but himself.

Things need to change. For your own sanity.

TeaKitten · 07/03/2024 20:24

rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:22

Thanks @CountryMumof4

So it was purely concern for my baby when you called me unpleasant @TeaKitten ?

Thats an … interesting way of expressing concern, isn’t it. Forgive my cynicism.

Guess that’s a no to the smart tv app!

Original poster
rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:26

To be honest I’m not really bothered about Mother’s Day. I do like flowers but according to the shops it seems I want a carpenters CD, pastel pyjamas and a mug and I don’t even drink coffee!

I am a bit more chilled now but I do feel he should have prioritised coming home today. In ‘normal’ circumstances it’s not a problem but unwell children are different.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 07/03/2024 20:26

I have sons. And if they wanted to come over and give me a Mother’s Day present and have a cup of tea or expect a nice meal cooked while their wife was at home with an ill baby they hadn’t seen in days I’d be royally disappointed in them. That is shit parenting and shit husbanding. She deserves a break and support from her husband after he’s been away for days.
op, wake him at night and tell him to walk the baby around for 45 minutes. You deserve sleep too. And on Sunday make sure you get a couple of hours free even if you have to leave the house, drive somewhere and nap in the car. I’m sorry he’s a bit useless, but you can insist on that changing and the sooner the better. Treat him with the respect he treats you. Aka none.

Original poster
rainbowsunsgold · 07/03/2024 20:27

It’s the lack of sleep that’s the killer @Codlingmoths I also managed to reverse into someone today Blush thankfully no damage done and they were really nice about it (or perhaps just retreated in terror from my unpleasant character!)

OP posts:
Gettingonmygoat · 07/03/2024 20:33

I can understand why you are hacked off but it all depends on whether he is popping into his mums for 10 minutes or staying for dinner. Hope baby is better soon.

HermioneKipper · 07/03/2024 20:37

Itrymybestyesido · 07/03/2024 17:59

He should have come home to take over if you're exhausted.

Agreed.

im with you OP. I’d be pissed off if my husband did this when I’d been solo parenting with a sick child for days.

Id say you should down tools and feck off all day at the weekend and see how he likes it