Would you like to be an 'old fashioned' housewife?

[SloaneStreetVandal]

Or a househusband (though we're mainly women on here). And I suspect that most men would say no...

I was reading the ultra processed foods thread, and it struck me (as it often does) that working families are so pushed for time in this era that preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch is nigh on impossible (and that is the basic premise of what a UPF is; its something you couldnt prepare in your own kitchen). I'm not talking about removing that opportunity, nor harking back to bygone days when a woman's 'place' was in the home (though I think that, whilst women's rights have thankfully progressed massively in the work place, they've not progressed so much in the home/society at large; some bygone views/expectations of women persist. I think, for example, running the house and organising children are still largely female pursuits...). It strikes me that having the 'healthy' ideal lifestyle of cooking from scratch, exercising and spending quality time raising children is a pipe dream when both parents have no choice but to work full time.

I know its complex, and theres a bigger picture (interested to hear thoughts thereof too). I'm just curious (I'm not a researcher! Genuinely just interested) to hear honest takes (few women would be happy to publicly admit in RL that 'running the home', whilst their husband earned, would be their preferred choice to working). Do you think the opportunity for one parent to be at home full time should be a choice available to us all (as it once, generally, was)?

YABU - I want to work, its not just necessity.
YANBU - I'd prefer to be at home, running the show full time.

The only reason I would not be a SAHM is the loss of financial independence.

If I won a million on the lottery I’d be one in a flash.

Never like working, love having more time and focus for my kids, would love to sort my house out ( shit heap), and yes, would love to cook better food for kids, and have plenty of my own interests and goals to fill my time.

Basically I much prefer doing my own thing to what work tell me to do.

Would it be like Ballerina Farm? If so yes 😂

I worked full time but retired at 50 a couple of years ago. I’m a housewife now and I love it. I don’t do all the house jobs though, husband works part time and we still share all the chores. I wish I could have afforded to be at home when my children were tiny, which was when it really mattered. I don’t think it’s possible to have it all. Something will always give.

Why do people think anyone who doesn’t work by choice spends the day trapped indoors doing chores and only goes out to buy supplies for the home? It takes no time at all to keep a house running if you’re on top of it and you can spend the rest of the day doing whatever you want.

There's actually not much traditional about housewives. All throughout history women have worked. Only recently did the housewife become a 'thing' - and it's not what I would want for me no.

I genuinely - and I don't mean any disrespect when I say this - I genuinely can not see how parents with school age children who do not work fill their days. I get it with a toddler - I even did it for a while - but after that stage... are you not going out of your mind wthout something to do?
Its not the 50s, we have labour saving devices these days. I couldn't fill every day with housework and the PTA if I tried.

I am positive this is how Mrs Hinch became so popular. Intelligent bored women reduced to practicing their hoover lines and playing with various chemicals in their toilets while trying to keep up with the Jonses. It's kind of tragic.

I consider myself very fortunate. Technically I do stay home but my husband and I started a business during lockdown and I now run that from home in our home office. I can be flexible with when I work and can fit it around school runs and home life. I even bake while wearing a pinny.

But if I didn't have the office to disseappear into - I would be miserable and scouring the local job adverts for something to get me out of the house at least.

Dh does it. I work ft and earn many a lot more than he can. He works pt and does the kids, household, breakfast and lunch, dentist, after school clubs, parent volunteer stuff for school. We share the cleaning, cooking the tea etc. He is self employed so we juggle the holidays and he takes on more work when possible.

Tbh I think the only way it works is if the bloke is in charge of childcare etc. Every woman I know who does it is tearing their hair with their Dh never pulling their weight or sharing the mental load. I do far more housework and mental load than any of my ft male colleagues.

As far as the old fashioned version goes there's not a chance in hell I'd want that. No independence or respect. It was pure drudgery. What people are dreaming of is having someone else being responsible and not having to worry. But women in the 50s were treated like children. I think for lots of them it must have been terrifying not knowing if the husband had spent all the wages down the club or put it on a horse.

Fucking hell, really? I mean, there's a whole world of interests and hobbies out there and books to read and things to see and people to meet and you think that people would, in the absence of work, give that up to make hoover lines in the carpet?

“Running a home” full time sounds dull as fuck to me. DH wouldn’t want to either. I’m so glad we have the choice not to.

I would love it. On the other hand, I like my job and get a lot out of it. In the past I've also enjoyed being part of a team at work.

The ideal would to be really rich and be at home 3 days a week then working 2 days a week.

Really rich so I could cook lovely food all the time rather than having to calculate carefully all of the bills, be able to run the washing machine anytime except 11pm or 6am, and finance more activities for the DC.

I think DP would also love to be at home with the DC and doing housey stuff full-time.

Everyone runs a home whether they work or not. Yeah, largely dull but no less boring if you also work.

No thank you.

How I filled my days...
I would have 5-6hrs between drop offs/pick ups.

• exercise
• housework
• volunteering work
• errands for relatives etc
• gardening

And yes, a little bit of relaxation time. Then from 3-9pm... homework, driving the children around, cooking, other child related activities, more cleaning (after dinner etc). DH weekly commutes, so that was all on me.

Hmm. I’m mostly a SAHM and love having that time with my child. As someone who spent a lot of time nannying I couldn’t imagine now not looking after my own child the majority of the time in those pre-school years. I do work one (long 24hr) shift though, whilst my partner has our child. I enjoy the balance this gives us and that I make money and participate in the bills/have personal money that I’ve made, but still get most of the time with my child.
My partner is amazing though and still helps out on the days he works/I’m at home when he can.

Very much depends on the main earner really, and how they see the situation- if they feel that’s a reason to control their OH and the financial situation then it would be awful.

But they did. Look how popular Mrs Hinch with her Zoflora and her hoover lines became. I think it's all on the way out now but she made an absolute mint from bored housewives. Literally became a multi-millionaire.
People like to feel they are doing something productive, and justify themselves (I'm not saying they should feel that way, just that they often do) and hobbies don't always cut it. So they throw themselves into their home life with gusto.

But it doesn’t matter that it’s dull because I’m doing something else too, I’m not doing it full time which is what’s implied by the “old fashioned housewife” in the title.

There is also something about the tasks expanding to fill the time available - running a home doesn’t take nearly as much time when you’re not making it your entire identity.

I could never give up my earning power, even if I had a husband who could afford to 'keep' me, because I've seen what happens to women who do. But I would like to stop working, be in my home, with my kids and partner, doing creative things. Who wouldn't?

There was a similar thread about ways to reduce the shopping bill, and I suggested home cooked meals instead of quick (and often unhealthy) ready meals. But you're right, the time it takes to prepare meals from scratch is a lot, especially when you work. Both myself and my partner work and I thank my lucky stars that I have a man that loves to cook so we do so from scratch quite a bit.

To answer your question though, yes I would love to be a full on domestic goddess. I've worked since I was 14 with no career breaks or anything like that. We don't have children yet, but we've spoken about one of us reducing our hours or me giving up my corporate career and going back to my art at some stage when kids come along, if we're in a good financial situation with his job.

I don't think its so old-fashioned to be house-proud, and after spending 30 years planning my dream home in my head, I'd love nothing more than have the time to make it a reality.

Women are judged for both being a SAHM (living off someone else/wasting their education etc) or a working mum (not bringing up their own child)
There are lots of women who are happy to be housewives and SAHMs even once children are grown, mainly doing hobbies, enjoyable things and outsourcing stuff they don't want to etc, and this is viewed on MN as quite reasonable/why not/that's my ideal situation etc.
A man spending all his time playing golf, going to the gym or playing computer games while his wife worked ft , I'm sure would be given short shrift and possibly described as a cocklodger!
However a SAHD with a toddler is generally treated as a superhero!
I do think there are double standards all round!

Do you think most peopke who were taken with Mrs Hinch and enjoy hoover lines etc are not working out of choice? What’s her target market? I don’t know but I would not imagine it’s fairly high income adults who can afford to have a SAHP in the household

Do you think the opportunity for one parent to be at home full time should be a choice available to us all (as it once, generally, was)?

That logically implies that the burden should fall largely on the community (e.g. through subsidized tax rates) and thus on all of us than on the individual couple. In this sense, YABVVU. I'd rather public spending on families went on affordable and good quality childcare options that benefit all children. There should also be much more generous incentives for both mothers AND fathers to reduce their worktime, lessening the subsequent risk to mothers in divorce or bereavement.

On Valium, mostly. Then also known as "mother's little helper."

This was always the dream for me - to be able to stay at home and not have to socialise or interact with others or work because I suffered a severe autistic burnout and subsequent breakdown after an assault in my late teens. I rely on benefits which isn’t ideal but due to the circumstances of my family I’m able to be at home

No. Given the threads on here when the SAHM are properly shafted after a divorce there is no way anyone on their right mind would give up their financial independence, ability to earn money to run a house, contribute to a pension.

I often see women going oh it's ok, we are married, assets will be split etc...sure I get that, but there is chuff all point having half a house or even all of one of you can't afford to run it as you haven't worked in a decade and have no employable skills.

The only woman I know who cooks beautiful food for herself & her family, is a stay at home mum. Almost all my female friends work & have busy careers. As do their husbands. Throwing food together is more likely to happen than cooking delicious meals from scratch. She has time to dedicate herself to the home, and to her kids. It’s a different lifestyle. I did like having my mum at home, as a child.