Would you like to be an 'old fashioned' housewife?

[SloaneStreetVandal]

Or a househusband (though we're mainly women on here). And I suspect that most men would say no...

I was reading the ultra processed foods thread, and it struck me (as it often does) that working families are so pushed for time in this era that preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch is nigh on impossible (and that is the basic premise of what a UPF is; its something you couldnt prepare in your own kitchen). I'm not talking about removing that opportunity, nor harking back to bygone days when a woman's 'place' was in the home (though I think that, whilst women's rights have thankfully progressed massively in the work place, they've not progressed so much in the home/society at large; some bygone views/expectations of women persist. I think, for example, running the house and organising children are still largely female pursuits...). It strikes me that having the 'healthy' ideal lifestyle of cooking from scratch, exercising and spending quality time raising children is a pipe dream when both parents have no choice but to work full time.

I know its complex, and theres a bigger picture (interested to hear thoughts thereof too). I'm just curious (I'm not a researcher! Genuinely just interested) to hear honest takes (few women would be happy to publicly admit in RL that 'running the home', whilst their husband earned, would be their preferred choice to working). Do you think the opportunity for one parent to be at home full time should be a choice available to us all (as it once, generally, was)?

YABU - I want to work, its not just necessity.
YANBU - I'd prefer to be at home, running the show full time.

I have realised that many women don’t care about the gender pay gap or equality. And are passing that down to the next generation, which is depressing as hell.

Anyone suspect that part of the reason women were given greater access to work in larger numbers was more about increasing labour supply and lowering wages than equality?

I think the main impetus fir women working was WW1 where women were needed to take over the jobs the men sent to the trenches left. Once they had started working the genie was out of the bottle and many wanted the new found independence. Not helped by the lack of a welfare state where war widows were stuck with no income so needed to work. One of our great grandfather's married his brothers widow after WW1 so hervand the children wouldn't be destitute (I think the workhouse was still an option).

It doesn't mean doing nothing. How many professional skills are potentially helpful around the house? It's possible to make a valuable contribution other than bringing cash in. The main tension for me, when I was sole earner wasn't her not bringing money in, it was the complaining & refusing to do her part of the bargain properly 🤷‍♂️

Also creative endeavours that can earn money, but aren't linked strictly or extended time out to train for doing something new. It can work a million different ways

It bothers me how much people falsely associate being economically inactive with laziness. I've done a lot of my learning and professional development during time out of work, I've prioritised savings to allow it over living a fancier lifestyle for this reason. It's easier for a pair to do than solo, like I've done

Myself and my husband both work full time. We have 2 small children and 2 pets for context. I am the main earner, but im also the housekeeper, cook, child rearer etc. I do substantially more, however, my husband has been renovating our home for the last 9 years so it is slightly more even when you consider this (I do some, but a lot less that him). We have a nice home, our kids are engaged and we spent all our free time with them, we cook from scratch (with the odd take away/meal out) and have what I would consider a great family life and dynamic. So no, I would not trade this to be a stay at home wife when I feel we have a great balance and all we need with us both working!

I was one for 10 years and now I'm retired. Life couldn't be better. Too busy to be bored both times. Life's what you make it.

I was a stay at home mum. Money was tight, but I would do it again. Miss those days. We just need to stop criticising mums for staying home/working, do what is best for your family.

Hell no! I love cooking and gardening and organising etc but I also love my job and being on mat leave has taught me that I need the sense of accomplishment that my job brings me.

Yes, this would be my ideal too.

I used to be the housewife you describe but had to go to work part time due to the cost of living crisis. I want to make delicious, home cooked meals every day but I don’t have the time or the energy.

I work part time now from home with hours to suit, but I still really class myself as a housewife because I genuinely and completely do run the home. My husband wouldn’t know how to use the new dishwasher (that we have had for 3 years) or the washing machine (that we have had for 10 years). He does work stupidly long hours in a very high stress job which has afforded us a lovely home and lifestyle (that is where his skill set lies). I am very happy to be at home making sure his and my children’s needs are all tended to. When say I run the home this comes down to everything, I organise his car services, I buy his family’s gifts for birthdays/christmas. I make arrangements to meet up with his family or organise to host family events here. I shop, cook, clean, am taxi to our teens, garden, walk the dogs, do all the washing - I basically organise my families life. I like for him to come home on an evening/weekend and completely relax, the only thing he ever does is a bit of pottering in the garden or he occasionally cooks something, this is where my skill set lies and I am very happy with that. We are both very appreciative of how hard the other person works, he could not do my job and I couldn’t do his, but as a team we are very successful. I have never felt the slightest bit of unease in our set up, from a financial point of view his full salary is paid into a joint account, we own our house jointly and outright and our investments are all shared. Each to their own I suppose but I love our traditional set up, I did start working once DC started school but as said it’s very flexible and I work it around home life and my more important priorities, there is no financial need for me to work but by nature I am a very busy person, the children aren’t really dependent on me anymore - my wages are paid directly into the early retirement fund.

No thanks, my brain would rot.
We both work full time and don't really use UPFs food is cooked from scratch and I've never bought a jar of sauce or packet mix for a meal in my life, pesto being the exception

I built a career and worked till my mid 30s , I’ve been a SAHM ever since - now early 50s . Feel like I’ve had the best of both worlds really . Not sure which way I will go over the next couple of years though

I would hate being a housewife. My ideal set up would be working part time 3 days a week (optional overtime), and partner doing the same so we share household duties. To me theres just more than cooking and cleaning. I like a nice balance of everything.

No income relying on/begging ur partner for every single penny sitting at home all day or sitting in coffee shops all day sounds like hell on earth

What kind of partner do you have that you’d have to beg for money? When I was a housewife, I had £1000 a month transferred to my account via standing order and got more if I ran out. I bought most of the groceries but DH paid for everything else. I never sat at home all day unless I fancied it. I love cleaning and tidying, so spent a couple of hours a day on the house, then an hour or two at the markets shopping for fresh foods. I would also spend and hour or two at the gym or fitness classes, or pursuing various other hobbies. In the summer, I would sit in the park for hours and read. It was awesome!

Wow a lot of brackets!!! I got bored half way through

I don't I work ft as I have self respect n independence n not giving either up to stay at home n get an allowance like a teenager as you enjoyed n. Sit all day either watching loose women or Giossiping in a coffee shop cocktail bar

I love my job and my career, but I’d also love more time with my kids, to cook from scratch and to work out!! I often joke that we need to be part of a thruple because we need a third wage and a third person to help with childcare!!

In an ideal world it would be lovely for us both to work part time. Wasn’t there talk of a 4 day working week at one point?!

your definitely onto something because both mum and dad working all the hours god sends just to make ends meet is not living! It’s not fair on the children and is affecting everyone’s health, which in turn will have a knock on effect on the NHS, the economy etc

Yes I think your bang on here.

Fuck no. Money is freedom, I never want to have to rely on anyone else for money.

No I would be bored. All of the women in my family that I can remember have worked as far as I can remember . This isn't unusual in a working class family . Even as far back as my great gran, she was a seamstress. They all worked after marriage/children. With great difficulty and had to lie about the children or work with the shitter employers(piece work etc) . Both sides of family lost husbands early on due to war and illness. I think my dad tried to stop my mum working for a while but finances meant she went back to work( machinist). No housewifes here.

I wouldn’t mind being an extremely rich lady that lunches at this point, as I’m late 40s and knackered.

But an ‘old fashioned housewife’? Fuck, NO. Drudgery, domesticity, DULL dogsbody stuff. No thanks.

I can’t ever imagine introducing myself as a ‘housewife’. I just couldn’t!

I was bored at home and prefer the social interaction, mental stimulation and daily structure that work gives me.

@suki1964 you might be pleased to know some ketchup is not UPF!