Would you like to be an 'old fashioned' housewife?

[SloaneStreetVandal]

Or a househusband (though we're mainly women on here). And I suspect that most men would say no...

I was reading the ultra processed foods thread, and it struck me (as it often does) that working families are so pushed for time in this era that preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch is nigh on impossible (and that is the basic premise of what a UPF is; its something you couldnt prepare in your own kitchen). I'm not talking about removing that opportunity, nor harking back to bygone days when a woman's 'place' was in the home (though I think that, whilst women's rights have thankfully progressed massively in the work place, they've not progressed so much in the home/society at large; some bygone views/expectations of women persist. I think, for example, running the house and organising children are still largely female pursuits...). It strikes me that having the 'healthy' ideal lifestyle of cooking from scratch, exercising and spending quality time raising children is a pipe dream when both parents have no choice but to work full time.

I know its complex, and theres a bigger picture (interested to hear thoughts thereof too). I'm just curious (I'm not a researcher! Genuinely just interested) to hear honest takes (few women would be happy to publicly admit in RL that 'running the home', whilst their husband earned, would be their preferred choice to working). Do you think the opportunity for one parent to be at home full time should be a choice available to us all (as it once, generally, was)?

YABU - I want to work, its not just necessity.
YANBU - I'd prefer to be at home, running the show full time.

I would love to have one parent in our household at home all the time to do all the cooking and housework, etc. Just as long as that parent isn't me :)

No, even though I was often sorely tempted during the years when I had a demanding full time job, a long commute and young dc, mainly because I was so exhausted and childcare's never simple. I spent a lot of time and money patching it all together, finding nurseries, nannies, au pairs and after school clubs. It would have been financially possible for me to stop, but I couldn't quite bring myself to do it, partly because (absolutely no judgement on other people's choices) I'd have seen it as a waste of my hard-won education, and partly because DM was a very unhappy 1970s SAHM with zero financial independence. Working is much easier now the dc are adults, and I've accrued a reasonable pension, so I'm glad I stuck it out. I do look back and wonder how on earth I did it though.

😂 only boring people get bored flo!

I'm happiest part time. Full time feels too much away from family, but zero work feels too dull. Even before DC I felt 5 days was too much, seeing colleagues more than loved ones.

I can’t imagine anything worse than being an ‘old fashioned housewife’. Being financially dependent on someone else isn’t for me. Never has been, never will be. I earn my own money, pay my own way, buy my own car etc etc. Always have, always will.

I’m 41 in April. Had my sons when I was 30 and 32. I’d always worked full time, had 30 days Annual Leave. When my youngest was 2 years old, I got a job in a local school, 10 min drive away and work 8:30-3:30 with all the school holidays off - 14 weeks. Before I would have an hours commute both mornings and evenings and felt I never saw my children. Now they’re 11 (starting secondary in September) and 9 are I’ve had all those years taking them to all their clubs and never had to pay for childcare. I had a very big pay cut and I’ve never been happier!

"An old fashioned housewife" sounds like a massive step back. Each to their own but I worked extremely hard for my career and to reach this level and earn this salary. I want my daughters to aspire to achieve a career and financial independence.

The reality is my children are at school till 5:30 and so it's not like I'd be at home with them anyway. I do have friends who say "I want to be there for my kids"...which kind of implies I'm not - I don't feel that's the case. I make the time I have with them count and I've never once used a baby sitter. The money I earn just pays for a good education, a nice home, hobbies, nice holidays and things like a cleaner.

And as for cooking - I love cooking and would never buy processed food - it's just not for us. As a family, food is a massive part of our lifestyle and working full time makes that harder but not impossible!!

I am one currently and love it. I like being able to pick the kids up from school, go to their assemblies, have time to cook, I don’t obsessively clean but am quite happy keeping on top of basic housework, washing clothes etc.

BUT, and I think it’s a big but, I do have a good career that I’d got to a reasonably high level in before I stopped working, and I could pick that back up if I wanted (and intend to when the kids are older). And my DH does loads of jobs in the house when he is home, is completely of the view that the money he earns is family money, and genuinely appreciates and sees the benefits of me being home (he’d be supportive if I wanted to work- but it does benefit him that if the kids are ill I can look after them, and that the house is generally kept ticking over so we can have weekend time free). So, at the moment, it works for both of it- but I don’t in any way feel trapped or that the position was forced upon me, or that I’m not appreciated- which I think would be awful.

If there is anything remotely unequal in a relationship, or one partner has no ability to be financially independent if things went wrong, then I think it’s a bad move.

The food thing is interesting. My mum didn't go back to work until I was 7ish and I've worked full time all the time. I certainly don't remember getting home cooked food every day from my mum, a lot of it was basic food and we got ready made things as well. I certainly cook a lot more home cooked food with a different variety than she did. It isn't a criticism of my mum as she did a fantastic job with us but I don't understand this thought that working parents don't feed their children than those that don't work!

Foods easier these days. When I was little there was no fridge and no supermarket. So food was bought and use within a day of two. Shops were open till 5 or 6 and often closed one or two aftrrnoons a week. Pasta was exotic, olive oil was from the chemist (there was however an Italian deli in the nearest big town but most people just looked and wondered). Mum did go experimental at one time and cooked a vesta curry. Mostly what we ate was fairly local and in season, chicken was for special occasions. Nowadays we're spoiled by the availability of foods normally out of season and frozen foods.

@Senzafine it is rose tinted glasses from people who were not there. The 197-s was known at the time to be the decade when convenience food really took off on homes. And even home cooked food was often basic - mince and onions anyone? There were good cooks as there are now, but probably not more than there are now. And you can now buy much better quality ready made meals than you could then.