Would you like to be an 'old fashioned' housewife?

[SloaneStreetVandal]

Or a househusband (though we're mainly women on here). And I suspect that most men would say no...

I was reading the ultra processed foods thread, and it struck me (as it often does) that working families are so pushed for time in this era that preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch is nigh on impossible (and that is the basic premise of what a UPF is; its something you couldnt prepare in your own kitchen). I'm not talking about removing that opportunity, nor harking back to bygone days when a woman's 'place' was in the home (though I think that, whilst women's rights have thankfully progressed massively in the work place, they've not progressed so much in the home/society at large; some bygone views/expectations of women persist. I think, for example, running the house and organising children are still largely female pursuits...). It strikes me that having the 'healthy' ideal lifestyle of cooking from scratch, exercising and spending quality time raising children is a pipe dream when both parents have no choice but to work full time.

I know its complex, and theres a bigger picture (interested to hear thoughts thereof too). I'm just curious (I'm not a researcher! Genuinely just interested) to hear honest takes (few women would be happy to publicly admit in RL that 'running the home', whilst their husband earned, would be their preferred choice to working). Do you think the opportunity for one parent to be at home full time should be a choice available to us all (as it once, generally, was)?

YABU - I want to work, its not just necessity.
YANBU - I'd prefer to be at home, running the show full time.

I like spending my weekends cooking, cleaning, gardening, going on outings, wandering around various supermarkets searching for the best deals & catching up on my to-do list

I feel a sense of relaxation & accomplishment on the weekends with my chores all done, house deep cleaned & nice meals prepped

I would love to spend my life as if it were always the weekend

But I have never been one to suffer from boredom or envy of others with

I once threw away a high flying career to live off savings & "find myself" just for the hell of it

So I have never felt a strong pull that having a career was my identity

Essentially have only ever worked because I had to & if I came into money now would retire at 40 tomorrow

I pretty much am…I work 4 days out of 10, and because I’m part time it was always the agreement that I’d look after the domestic side of life….it works for us

I gave up work at 33 to have my younger two children, that was nearly 19 years ago. I had to go back to work after my eldest for financial reasons and hated it. My eldest is disabled though and for 23 years I was his full time carer. Even though I do all the housework, washing etc I do lots of other stuff too. My other kids are older now and In the summer months i go to our caravan for most of the summer coming home every now and then to check up on things.

I think this depends on so many factors, money and access to money, health, what your partner is like- if he WFH do you want to be around him all the time? , kids having any issues and their ages , friends in similar position to meet up with- it's combination of factors that can make or break a situation like this.

No absolutely not
I’ve been a sham and it’s very hard work and thankless.
I would love to reduce my hours at work but I would not spend all those saved hours cooking, cleaning, washing and caring for anyone else.
Ideally I would love to work no more than 4 days and spend the extra time doing what I enjoy, which is not watching Pepper Pig on repeat or cleaning.

I'm a SAHM until my youngest goes to preschool in September. At that point I will absolutely be looking for a new career. I just need more.

I've have been a SAHM / housewife for 20 years, but I don't think it's 'like the 1950s' at all because it's not the 1950s is it? Lifestyles have changed. For instance, I've never done loads of cleaning etc because we've always had cleaners. Life is busier these days than in the 1950s - there are more expectations on parents to be actively engaged with their child's education; ferrying them to friends' houses or clubs etc. They don't just spend hours roaming the streets anymore (well, not in London where we are they don't). Yes, it suits DH that he can rely on me to always be there as default, but I'm never going to make a martyr of myself. It suits him, but also it suits me. Also, if I was bored, I'd do something about it. Again, this is a clear difference with the 1950s when women were pretty much expected to leave work on becoming married. Such expectation is not one I ever felt, so I've been a SAHM by choice and done what suits me and that is the difference. SAHMs don't spend hours cleaning and ironing every day - that would be a bit weird and I don't know why people think that. There is no need. Nor does it mean an imbalanced power dynamic - if that's all some women on here can imagine then that's their shortsightedness (or they have a husband problem).

Dependant on someone else to be decent and part of a team and the risk attached if it all goes wrong. In a word no.

In some ways things might not have changed for some but at least there are some protections in place.

I'm a sahm and I'm definitely happier focusing on the dcs than being at work - I would not have had dcs if I had to work as well. I wouldn't describe my lifestyle as like an "old-fashioned housewife" though - we eat out a lot and use convenience with meal prep and snacks. I have always been out of the house for most of the day so I'm generally not at home much more than DH (who works out of the home 5 days a week). Before dcs were at school I would take them out for most of the day to classes, parks and places to visit. Now they are at school/preschool I drop them off and go to the gym, or do a hobby college class (currently in ceramics, but I've done other hobbies so not career-related), or see an exhibition in town or a film. I don't have many sahm friends and it's unusual not to work in our area as it's an expensive part of London. But I don't get lonely as I'm content with my own company.

DH and I split chores when we are both at home in the evening and at weekends. I do all the cooking although it's not right from scratch so it doesn't take hours. After school I spend a few days a week ferrying to activities, and supervising homework/music practice. We don't do any ironing in our house and have a low maintenance garden and no pets.

I enjoy our lifestyle and we can afford it. I'm financially secure thanks to other income and assets. I'd be able to continue this lifestyle if DH left me or if he died.

I was on gardening leave for 7 months between jobs. I became boring and bored. Loved being around with the kids more on school days. The long hours just doing chores was not for me.

I've done it. So has my DH.

I did maternity leave twice and he took a year off work. We've both done some part time too.

I enjoyed maternity leave but the very thought of being a housewife gives me a shudder. I work because I want too.

If I won the lottery whilst I might give up paid employment - I would still do volunteering and acquire more hobbies because sitting at home baking cupcakes and cleaning the kitchen floor repeatedly is not what I want out of life.

Is that chip on your shoulder in fashion this season? I wouldn’t know - I’m very uneducated and ignorant, you see, what with spending all day perpetuating harmful stereotypes. Plus I don’t have a state-funded education like you, just an undergraduate degree, a law degree, and a law license.

I spend all my energy and abilities furthering the career of “one man” - is he my husband? or did the patriarchy just assign me this guy? - and therefore have no time to, say, volunteer, or write, or become an award-winning amateur artist. I just stay in my house, chained to a stove, and never get to go outside to see if chips on shoulders are in fashion this season.

I only hope that my children will grow up to be as well-adjusted as yours! You see, I’m the only woman they’ve ever met, and they’ve got no idea that women can work outside the home. Their teachers, pediatrician, dental hygienist, the cat’s veterinarian? Big swinging dicks on every one of them. Big, swinging, patriarchal dicks.

I think my updated law license card comes in the mail today. Must ask my husband to extend the chain so I can walk to the mailbox.

TL;DR: Jesus Christ, what a smug, superior attitude.

I did it for about 10 years when my kids were little. It helped that I hated my career which was very stressful, and we live in an area where a lot of mothers didn’t work - long commute to city, not a lot of childcare options. It meant we had a group of friends and met up most days so it was nice and sociable. I enjoy craft so did quite a lot of that and baking with the kids. Towards the end, other mums had drifted back to work or moved away and our little group got smaller, so it wasn’t the same.
If I hadn’t had my friend group I would have hated it. I really don’t know how we would have coped if I had been working - we’re away from families so holiday cover would have been impossible.

I am looking forward to all this when I'm retired (in the next 5-6 years, if all goes to plan). I love gardening, cooking (including unnecessary things, like preserving all the fruit I didn't have to grow), running the house, crafts etc etc. I'll do a lot more than I could fit alongside my current FT work but it still won't fill all my time, nor would I want it to.

I was a SAHM for few years when DC were small. I really wish that I had embraced it more and spent less time fretting about all the things I wasn't doing, because actually I really loved it- not forever, but for the brief time. I wasted a lot of time feeling I ought to be working rather than enjoying what I had.

Generally, I think feminism has taken a misstep in presenting home-making and child-rearing as pointless drudgery we all want to escape from. Those things certainly aren't pointless and plenty of us would appreciate more time to do them- an easier balance between paid work and domestic life- not just for women but for everyone. I also think small children benefit from constant and loving care, and having a parent (or grandparent) around at least some of the time is a good way to achieve that- I realise that there are other ways of making this work and that not everyone has a choice though.

I also think it used to be much easier to get into work - beyond minimum wage work or full time work - later in life. Which makes a big difference.

I would not wish to be one but... I would quite to have one at home!

Vallium... mother's little helpers.

Nope. And it’s insanely depressing that in 2024, so many women still aspire to sitting at home, cooking and having babies whilst living off their husband’s Very Important Job, even when the kids are at school. Ugh.

I was a SHM for a decade, and while I loved being with the children when they were little, I hated being at the financial and emotional mercy of my not very nice DH (Now an ex, I am delighted to say). I don't think that anyone should make themselves vulnerable by not having their own income. Yes, I didn't have a very nice DH, but I do think that it's not sensible to completely be without resources should the relationship falter.

I don't enjoy cooking or cleaning, so if I could outsource those then I'd easily be able to entertain myself :D

I have zero respect for women and men who have this point of view.

I’d rather work and outsource as much as possible!

If we decide we can do without my wage, I’d rather work and use the whole thing to not have to do house jobs.

Having just been on sabbatical for 2 months with one school aged child, I am very happy to be back at work. The break was nice but nope.

Read The Women’s Room by Marylin French.

Maybe hypocritical but I would have zero respect for a man that stayed at home and was kept by a woman, I suppose that I have a traditional viewpoint of men being the providers and women being the nurturers.

And I struggle to have any respect for people who perpetuate outdated stereotypes.

Stay at home if you want but that option should work both ways.

Enjoying reading all the replies, some really insightful stuff.

I'm a housewife, have been for a few years now. I was an NHS pen pusher in my career, I loved most of the bases I worked in, hated the last base before I left.

The things I love about it are stress free mornings before daughter goes to school, having time to prepare meals we all enjoy, being at home during school holidays, getting hair/nail/skin appointments easily, exercising/going to the gym mid morning. I think the best thing though, by far, is not having the Sunday night fear! There's genuinely nothing I don't like (though sometimes motivation can be in short supply, particularly during winter).