Would you like to be an 'old fashioned' housewife?

[SloaneStreetVandal]

Or a househusband (though we're mainly women on here). And I suspect that most men would say no...

I was reading the ultra processed foods thread, and it struck me (as it often does) that working families are so pushed for time in this era that preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch is nigh on impossible (and that is the basic premise of what a UPF is; its something you couldnt prepare in your own kitchen). I'm not talking about removing that opportunity, nor harking back to bygone days when a woman's 'place' was in the home (though I think that, whilst women's rights have thankfully progressed massively in the work place, they've not progressed so much in the home/society at large; some bygone views/expectations of women persist. I think, for example, running the house and organising children are still largely female pursuits...). It strikes me that having the 'healthy' ideal lifestyle of cooking from scratch, exercising and spending quality time raising children is a pipe dream when both parents have no choice but to work full time.

I know its complex, and theres a bigger picture (interested to hear thoughts thereof too). I'm just curious (I'm not a researcher! Genuinely just interested) to hear honest takes (few women would be happy to publicly admit in RL that 'running the home', whilst their husband earned, would be their preferred choice to working). Do you think the opportunity for one parent to be at home full time should be a choice available to us all (as it once, generally, was)?

YABU - I want to work, its not just necessity.
YANBU - I'd prefer to be at home, running the show full time.

I'd probably prefer to work eg 3 days a week. Or shorter hours. Or both. but I like my job, i wouldnt give it up completely...and I hate housework!

We eat fairly well, and don't have lots of UPF, although we do eat later than ideal.

I’d rather ‘full time’ work expectations were revised from 40+ hours per week to more like 30. All people need the opportunity to eat well, exercise and be fully part of family life, regardless of gender. Those above who have managed to both go part time have got it sussed IMO.

I don't think it has to be all or nothing.

It's not impossible to cook basic meals when two people work full time. You've just got to change your idea of what you're going to be eating.

Shepherd's pie and other dishes that take longer are meals I generally only cook on weekends. My midweek meals are quick 15-30 minute meals with minimal UPF ingredients. I think that's reasonable but other people would rather take a UPF shepherd's pie ready meal and put it in the microwave midweek.

I am always there for my kids. I just happen to work to…

If my DP said I didn't have to work I would absolutely love it providing I didn't have kids to look after- could maybe have a dog at a push! I enjoy cooking, love gardening, don't mind housework and I don't think I would ever get bored! I would dedicate my time to my hobbies and fitness, would get endless beauty treatments and go for lunches! Sounds delightful!

Absolutely not in a million years but I would love to have a housekeeper who did all that for me. If I could afford to contract one in, I would!

It's actually a really valuable role that can make a home feel like a cross between a great hotel and a personal safe haven.

At 55 I could now! Only I am single so I would be my own housewife. Would love it. When younger I would have hated it

Fuck no.

Can't think of anything worse, in all honesty.

I worked full time until I had my youngest at 39- then became a SAHM. I loved both! Youngest has just gone to university and I’ll be 60 next year. Each choice (career/ being home ) had their pressures and boredom but I don’t regret the choices I made.

No never. I had periods of doing so while we lived overseas and I never want to repeat that. Working part time suits me perfectly.

Who says you have to spend all day doing housework and cooking if you don’t work? Once you’ve been doing it a while, you get it down to a tee and it takes up a minimal
part of the day. For the rest of it, you can meet friends, go to shows, a movie, long walks, galleries, volunteer or just sit indoors and binge a tv show or read. As long as you have a high enough household income, why not?

Being a housewife might well be glamourised, I dunno. But the idea of not working out of choice gets a bad rap when it doesn’t need to. I would say the idea you will get bored if you don’t work is one of the biggest cons going.

Not an urban myth. I grew up in the 60s in Manchester, not an affluent area. I can remember hearing my mother and neighbours discussing which drs would hand out the most Valium. A lot of women were heavy smokers too, my mother included. She said everyone started smoking in the war as you didn’t know who’d be alive the next morning, who’d still have a house.
None of our female neighbours worked, all sahms. I was about 12 when we moved house and I met a female neighbour who’d worked all her life.

No. I have a state funded education and skills that mean I am able to make a worthwhile contribution out in society, contribute to the economy, and support and help multiple people every day. It wouldn't sit right with me to put all my energy and abilities into supporting one man to further his career. I was able to raise my children to well adjusted adulthood without the need to be present in the home full time. They are all three in excellent health despite me not baking my own bread, and none of them have grown up to expect women to do the domestics while men earn the money, which would have perpetuated stereotypes I think are harmful. If that's not enough reasons, then I'll add that I can't think of anything more boring than cooking and cleaning all day.

I am, really. I don't have great health so the paid work I do is fairly unobtrusive and from home. It means that I have a lot of time to be at home and do the kind of stuff the falls under a home-maker heading.

I do enjoy it. I like cooking, keeping the house a calm, organised and welcoming space and even the bulk of the life admin that falls around a busy house. I think I have some helpful cards in my back pocket - I'm a fairly content person no matter what I'm doing, I enjoy my own company, I like looking after people and this was a choice I made in a happy and established relationship with a good egg.

I know several SAHM/housewives. They seem to spend their time going out for coffee or lunch/going to museums/galleries/matinee shows/having their hair done/going to the gym/training for sports....they outsource cleaning and ironing.
They're not in the house doing housework - like old fashioned housewives - it seems a much more enjoyable prospect!

Same, I'm knackered.

I loved being a housewife. I never got bored; a combination of finding my DC fun to be with, and living in an area where most pre-school age children had one SAH parent so lots of daytime social arrangements.
We were lucky enough to have a few hours help in the house per week and DH has always done the majority of cleaning as I don't see mess.
However, I wont advise my DD's (or DS) to do the same, having read the frequent examples on here of the partner in paid employment not being fully transparent with earnings or a joint bank account.

I was a SAHM, my children are grown now and I still do not work but thats because of ill health. Maybe hypocritical but I would have zero respect for a man that stayed at home and was kept by a woman, I suppose that I have a traditional viewpoint of men being the providers and women being the nurturers. I just cannot imagine DH being happy to be at home and not work, its just not in his nature to think like that. He has been a good DH and provider and father.

Good god no. I enjoy working. It's really important to me for many reasons.

I love the idea that you cannot cook adequately and work. It is possible. I like working and not eating UPF.

I cannot thing of anything worse. I get zero joy out if cooking, cleaning or domestic duties. I cook/clean out of necessity not pleasure. I will never be a domestic goddess but would never critise anyone who is,in fact I would love to marry a man who would do all of it.

I often think about this. I work, I have my own money but frankly, I think my mother had it easier. She cared for her kids and family, didn't have the stress of childcare payments or living beyond her means. Her job was her family and she controlled the finances - my father's income went straight to her.

She had time for her children, her neighbours, family and friends. She didn't have as much money as I have but she was happy without the stress of a full time job plus still doing most of the housework and parenting.

I'm currently housewife/SAHM to two young children. I absolutely adore my life

In ref to the op, I do cook everything from scratch, but then I did before I became a mother and housewife anyway so it's just what I'm used to.

I get to spend every day with my babies exploring the world, and I have free time to pursue hobbies and interests - I've actually started writing a book recently!

However, it made me laugh that PPs refer to housewives enabling the household to run smoothly... my household does not run smoothly, it's chaos 🤣 but bloody lovely chaos!

I'll likely return to some form of work when the children are in school, but I wish my current life set up could last forever!

That…pretty much describes my life. I told my husband before we got married that if he wanted anything cooked, he’d have to cook it himself, because I’m fine eating sandwiches, cereal, and microwaveable frozen food. We have a joint bank account and I buy what we need, plus some things we don’t. He collects Warhammer and I collect dolls, and we each run it by each other before we buy any of those worth more than around $30 (we’re American).

Our kids are both in school full-time, and while they’re there I work on the house and get some writing done. (I’m a fanfiction writer and also working on an original screenplay.) As soon as he’s done with work, I hand off the kids and play computer games for about an hour while he and they get dinner ready. Then we both get them off to bed. On the weekends, we alternate days on who gets to take a nap in the afternoons.

Because one of the reasons we value leisure is because its not all day every day. If your whole life is a series of pleasure, then you enjoy and appreciate it less, and even fun things can be dull if that's all you do. Most people need a sense of achievement, goals completed, worthwhile activity. This is why truly wealthy financially free women often still start and run businesses, or work for charities.