Would you like to be an 'old fashioned' housewife?

[SloaneStreetVandal]

Or a househusband (though we're mainly women on here). And I suspect that most men would say no...

I was reading the ultra processed foods thread, and it struck me (as it often does) that working families are so pushed for time in this era that preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch is nigh on impossible (and that is the basic premise of what a UPF is; its something you couldnt prepare in your own kitchen). I'm not talking about removing that opportunity, nor harking back to bygone days when a woman's 'place' was in the home (though I think that, whilst women's rights have thankfully progressed massively in the work place, they've not progressed so much in the home/society at large; some bygone views/expectations of women persist. I think, for example, running the house and organising children are still largely female pursuits...). It strikes me that having the 'healthy' ideal lifestyle of cooking from scratch, exercising and spending quality time raising children is a pipe dream when both parents have no choice but to work full time.

I know its complex, and theres a bigger picture (interested to hear thoughts thereof too). I'm just curious (I'm not a researcher! Genuinely just interested) to hear honest takes (few women would be happy to publicly admit in RL that 'running the home', whilst their husband earned, would be their preferred choice to working). Do you think the opportunity for one parent to be at home full time should be a choice available to us all (as it once, generally, was)?

YABU - I want to work, its not just necessity.
YANBU - I'd prefer to be at home, running the show full time.

Though work was stressful, I valued the notion that I was doing something meaningful not connected to my home. I would never do much housework while I was working, but still usually cooked from scratch 3-4 x a week.
Now I can't work, I do a little more hoovering, and always do the kitchen. But DH cleans more than I do overall. He's much tidier by nature and would never demand I cleaned something.
I think I'd prefer to work, probably part time. And if I could afford it I'd have a cleaner for a couple hours a day, 3 x a week.
Those women in their 1940s/50s style outfits, talking about pleasing their man. They look somewhat deranged in my eyes. Like they have no inner workings or desires of their own.

I like the idea of it, but only if I actually lived on a homestead with plenty of gardening, looking after animals and baking to keep myself occupied. The idea of being a SAHM while trapped in suburbia is my idea of hell. Also I’d constantly question why I did a PhD just to spend all day entertaining a toddler. No, working part-time would be the perfect option for me.

We did hope to have a very large garden and be more self-sufficient. Grow own veg and fruit. Freezing, bottling, pickling and smoking our meat.
Of course it didn't happen, two children not the four that went with the dream.. But it would have been nice to try.

Me and my DH both work PT. Him 3 days, me 2. It means there’s always someone at home to make the dinner/look after the sick kid/drive kids to clubs. It also means we both maintain our careers and is tax efficient.

I think it’s essential to have someone at home at least part of the week if you actually want to have a reasonable quality of life but obviously not everyone can afford it.

I am a SAHM and absolutely love it. I'm happy going to baby groups, walking the dogs, cleaning, cooking looking after the house and my family. Rarely bored, of course there may be the odd boring day but I feel like whatever you do you get that!

What does annoy me though is this belief that you are only bringing something valuable by working, I think me being at home is very valuable indeed and my husband very much agrees.

In my experience there is a lot of snobbery when you say you are at SAHM!

I can’t imagine anything worse personally.

Sorry, I didnt mean to give that impression (no judgement meant at all, to anyone's circumstance). Cooking was just one example, in an endless list of others.

I currently am, in a way. I’m incredibly happy with my lot, I love being a SAHM, for me, it’s very fulfilling and I’m never bored. I have lovely days out, and in, with my toddler, but I also do all the cooking, cleaning, general housework and life admin etc. It wouldn’t be for everyone and I can understand that completely but it works for me and my family, and we’re lucky to be in a position where it’s a viable option.

I think capitalism has done a number on us. We’ve all absorbed the idea that paid work is the only way to contribute to society and the best way to be fulfilled. Not true at all imo

I'd like to win the lottery, have lots of spare cash, both husband and self at home to do all our hobbies while the kids were at school then devote their non school hours to them. Obviously outsource all the cleaning tasks and just do the jobs I fancied. Perfect.

I’d like it if I was loaded. And had other loaded housewife friends to day drink with …. Although I’m not sure it that’s what you meant by “traditional housewife “. But no I don’t want to stay home and iron everything! It would be different if the kids were small - I wouldn’t like it when they are at school.

I am a housewife due to having a young child with autism who has a lot of time away from school. I think I would feel better for having a job at least part time but I decided to make a virtue out of necessity and try to do the best I can with cooking, preserving and gardening. I am lucky in that I live in a beautiful part of the world with a large garden, I keep animals and sing in a high quality choir. I volunteer using my professional skills once a week. And I feel fortunate that my inability to work does not impact on us financially as being forced into a carer role and therefore poverty is incredibly hard.

I mostly really enjoy the cooking aspect (like so many people I have tried to reduce the amount of UPF we eat. I have three children so five to cook for daily. I do get absolute fed up with meal prep in the days before my period though.

Basically although I did not choose it I feel I am fortunate in lots of ways. I try to count my blessings.

I always said I wanted to do this - be a housewife- and it absolutely was the glamourised idea. I pictured myself like Anne of Green Gables, baking and preserving, making jam, making clothes, keeping everything spick and span and organised to my liking and always having time for my children, to read them stories and get up to them in the night.

In actual fact, my first maternity leave caused this dream to fall apart. I did love the childcare and spending all my time with her and I did some jam making as well as most of the cooking, but the house was by no means spick and span and I was way too exhausted and 'tied' by the baby to learn how to make proper clothes, get the garden under control etc.

I started a new job part time when she was 13 months old and my hours have crept up to around 15-20 in that job now. I've just returned from my third maternity leave and actually it's a relief to be back.
My husband gets really shirty with me about the state of the house and what a bad housewife I am. I think while he is pretty unfair about it, it's true that
a) I'm not a natural housewife as I find it hard to keep on top of things - I procrastinate till they're very bad then do a blitz
b) those ideals of housewifery are bullshit- they never describe Anne blow by blow on her knees scrubbing floors, blacking grates etc. They don't give an accurate picture AT ALL of how much time it actually takes just to keep things ticking over. Plus now I think about it she had a live in home help once she had her first baby.
c) I did get somewhat bored - my life and DHs life diverged too much. I only had household things to talk to him about and when I craved adult conversation in an evening, he'd been talking all day and just wanted peace.

If DH was less of a wanker over the cleaning, I think I would be a SAHM/more part time. But not a full time housewife without little kids. It's not fulfilling enough.

Good point!

I wish it was a choice available to all those who would like it. We have won more rights at work, but many lost the ability to stay with our children. It should not be one or the other.

It’s all lovely and wonderful until your husband wants a divorce and you’ve got no job and no prospects.

( not me, ive always worked but staying at home puts women at huge risk)

I don't think either of us run the home... we share a lot. I do wonder, as I'll retire sooner than DH, what his expectations would be. From the discussion we've had he's imagining I'll arrive home after him, with a happy exhausted dog and covered in compost from the allotment, asking 'what's for tea then?'.

No, I need my own money. That's really important to me.

The only traditional housewife I've ever known well was my gran. And my grandfather wasn't tight with his money at all; she was actually able to successfully invest enough of what he gave her to be able to leave each of her three children half a million pounds of her own money when she passed away, which feels astonishing. But I remember always being very aware that if he hadn't given her that money to invest, then she wouldn't have had anything. Many women from her generation passed away with nothing of their own to leave. Her entire financial security rested on having married a good man who was also good with money. I don't have the stomach for that risk.

You stay at home and don't clean either? Blimey.

Or drunk on gin

Can I have some of your DH's the ones who cook and clean and work out of the house all day?

I’ve often thought that women have got totally screwed over by the “having it all” myth. The reality is that now women are not only expected to have a meaningful career befitting their intelligence and education but STILL be expected to do the majority of the home/caring stuff too.

No thanks, but I'd love to have a housewife do all the cleaning, gardening, cooking from scratch and child rearing for me. Unfortunately I was born with a vagina so it's expected that I do housework and don't have a job that pays well enough to employ a housekeeper.

I think there's a huge difference in the parenting "work" or involvement between SAHMs of babies/toddlers/primary age kids to healthy NT teens who are largely out of the house and self sufficient from 8am -4pm, 5 days a week.
(Toddlers are likely to create way more mess to tidy/clean as well! )

I was for several years... now self employed.

I was getting g depressed to be honest. Little interaction from other adults for example. Everyone thinking I had spare time, so I was running around sorting out school stuff, or volunteering stuff, or other family members... I lost myself as a person.

DH and DDs definitely benefitted from it. I didn't. And the longer I did, the harder it was yo escape.