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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH should have eaten the dinner I cooked

439 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 06/03/2024 20:27

I wfh full time and have to juggle picking up DC and taking to after school clubs etc. So don't have a huge amount of time for shopping/cooking delicious home made meals from scratch.

I managed to do a quick weekly shop the other day but was running out of ideas for dinners and grabbed a packet of something on offer that you just chuck all the ingredients in a bag and cook so it's nice and easy to prep and I can leave cooking while I do other stuff. We have had a couple in the past and my DH has said he didn't really like them, but this was was more Italian based which we eat a lot of so hoped it would be OK.

So tonight he sits down to dinner and just pulled a face and said I'm not eating this. I'll just make a sandwich. This caused my DC to say I don't want it either!

I managed to convince my DC to eat it and they enjoyed it, but my DH just sat there with a full plate and a face on.

I've gone to take DC to bed and he has gone to the shop to buy a pizza.

AIBU: I shouldn't have cooked it if there was a chance he wouldn't like it, forcing him to get his own dinner

Or

NBU: He should have eaten it and said maybe don't get that again?

OP posts:
jrc1071 · 09/03/2024 18:14

Seems like everyone is focusing on the wrong thing here… Cook what he likes, some people don’t like certain foods…

They missed the bigger point: you work from home, full-time, generating revenue, and you still have all of the food shopping meal planning, the mental load.

Tell your husband, he needs to start cooking his own meals. Or rather give him a choice, he either cooks three times a week for the , or you’ll do the cooking for the family every day and he just cooks what he wants

Coco1379 · 09/03/2024 18:22

My DP is extremely helpful and does a lot of cooking because I’m very limited by physical ailments and have a small appetite, anyway. I feel so guilty if I don’t like something he’s cooked and can’t eat more than a couple of mouthfuls, or if he’s piled my plate with something I do like, but too much, so I think I can see how your DH feels especially as you knew he didn’t like that type of meal. Perhaps it would have been better to have a takeaway pizza that particular evening, and then have a conversation about sharing some of the cooking, or maybe cooking batches in advance so you only need to reheat on busy evenings.

Mumof3confused · 09/03/2024 18:51

He will begrudgingly cook sometimes but I still have to think of the meal and preferably buy the ingredients.

THIS HERE is your problem. Completely unreasonable. And to then complain when you actually put food in front of him? What an arse.

Mumof3confused · 09/03/2024 18:53

I would recommend something like Simply Cook but get DH to take charge, choose the meals to order and then buy the ingredients and cook them. No reason whatsoever why food should be your responsibility only.

beautifuldaytosavelives · 09/03/2024 19:17

I cook every night. I hate it. I hate shopping for it, thinking of what to have, doing it. So whilst I don’t make anything I know DH hates, if I like it and he’s not wild on it, we have it. Equally, there are some things he likes that I don’t and I don’t ever make them. Why would I? So he was unreasonable and if he doesn’t like it, he needs to sort himself out but without showing such blatant disrespect in front of your children.

maxandru · 09/03/2024 19:21

This is absolutely outrageous! I can’t believe people on this thread are actually excusing this behaviour. There is so much going on here:

  1. His behaviour in front of DCs is completely inappropriate and childish. What a terrible role model. OP, if he treats you this way in front of them, imagine how they will treat their partners in the future.
  2. You made him a meal at the end of your working day, and this is how he responds?! What an ungrateful fuck.

He sounds like a sexist twat who treats you like his household staff. How is he with everything rose at home? Does he “help you” with housework and childcare, or are you expecting to be his servant on that front too?

Morganrae1 · 09/03/2024 19:27

I just cooked my husband a meal which I thought was horrendous. He ate it and said it tasted lovely. He would never turn his nose up but might say maybe not the best and eat it anyway.

Dietlady58 · 09/03/2024 19:31

I cooked my husband an omelette and vegetables the other day. Because I didn’t put the vegetables on a separate plate he put the whole meal in the bin in front of me and went out and bought himself fish and chips.

I was speechless!

BirthdayRainbow · 09/03/2024 19:33

That's just unacceptable @Dietlady58

Toptops · 09/03/2024 19:39

Createausername1970 · 06/03/2024 20:51

There is wrong on both sides.

Don't serve something you know someone doesn't like.

But he behaved badly, and definitely shouldn't have done it in front of the children.

But I do think it paves the way for a conversation about him doing his share of the cooking - and shopping for it. If he doesn't want to, then he either eats what he is given or sorts himself out.

Absolutely! This.

Covermeinsunshine · 09/03/2024 20:34

That would be the last meal I’d cook for him until he acknowledged how childish his behaviour was. He could live on Pizza for all I’d care.

IamMoodyBlue · 09/03/2024 21:28

Buy him a couple of cookery books.

Codlingmoths · 09/03/2024 21:58

godmum56 · 09/03/2024 18:06

same here.

Show quote history

Again. That’s not what happened. It was Italian food, they like Italian food. The op didn’t realise that what her wanker of a Dh doesn’t like is cook in a bag meals of any flavour. He wants her to cook from scratch. He, who doesn’t do anything for his kids, any cleaning or housework apart from the dishes, any cooking, who has a wife that works and has to do all the rest, thinks it’s not ok she grabs a low effort option for dinner. He likes Italian food, she bought an Italian cook in a bag. I cannot believe the amount of apologists for this entitled selfish wanker there are on this thread.

Codlingmoths · 09/03/2024 22:01

Otherstories2002 · 09/03/2024 17:24

I’ve noted YABU purely because I know how much salt those things have in them.

He bought himself a pizza instead, that classic low salt meal. Do you feel better having got a dig in?

SpiritOfEcstasy · 09/03/2024 22:47

It doesn’t matter what I cook … my husband will eat it! He doesn’t even care if he likes it or not he will just stomach it 😂 he said if I cook anything for him he is grateful so he doesn’t care what it is. He grew up pretty poor and if he didn’t eat what was put in front of him he simply didn’t eat so that probably helps. I’d be really pissed off at someone who didn’t even taste what I cooked. That’s just childish!

Themaghag · 10/03/2024 00:11

Sletty · 06/03/2024 21:20

Her dh had already said he didn’t like those cook in the bag meals. I don’t think it’s that he just refused to try it. He had the cook in bag meals before and doesn’t like them. I don’t think anyone should be forced to eat food they know they don’t like

Show quote history

And I don’t think any woman should be expected to twat around any man like a 1950s housewife when she has a full time job and is also responsible for child drop offs and pick ups. If he’s expecting Cordon Blue meals every night he should learn to cook them himself!

reclaimmyboobs · 10/03/2024 08:16

Dietlady58 · 09/03/2024 19:31

I cooked my husband an omelette and vegetables the other day. Because I didn’t put the vegetables on a separate plate he put the whole meal in the bin in front of me and went out and bought himself fish and chips.

I was speechless!

Put the husband in the bin.

Otherstories2002 · 10/03/2024 08:33

Codlingmoths · 09/03/2024 22:01

He bought himself a pizza instead, that classic low salt meal. Do you feel better having got a dig in?

Show quote history

So? Just because he ordered a shitty alternative doesn’t mean the meal is suddenly low salt.

Daylightsavingscrime · 10/03/2024 09:07

No, she doesn't say he doesn't like boil in the bag
Yes she does

Daylightsavingscrime · 10/03/2024 09:09

Nope, it's right there in the OP. Did you read it?
Lol

LovelyTheresa · 10/03/2024 09:10

ScierraDoll · 06/03/2024 21:48

Someone has gone to the effort of making a meal for you
Put on a brave face and eat it with a smile and a compliment for the cook
It's called manners and not thinking the world revolves around you

Show quote history

What 'effort'. Boil in a bag food? No thanks. I'm team DH on this one, although I do think he needs to be proactive about cooking instead of just grumbling. I think it was a bit silly of the OP to provide yet another bake in the bag meal when he had already said TWICE that he didn't like them, but the way he went about refusing was a bit churlish. I sort of feel him because I get bad tempered when I'm hangry and it was silly of the OP to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.

LovelyTheresa · 10/03/2024 09:12

Doodleflips · 08/03/2024 16:42

Yabu. You knew he didn’t like it and cooked it anyway .
I disagree that he’s setting a bad example for your kids, I think you were. He asked you not to make it and you ignored that.
He’s an adult and he’s allowed to say he doesn’t want to eat something

This.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/03/2024 15:45

Otherstories2002 · 10/03/2024 08:33

So? Just because he ordered a shitty alternative doesn’t mean the meal is suddenly low salt.

Show quote history

@Otherstories2002

so?? Not every meal has to be low salt

Willyoujust · 10/03/2024 16:47

Slow cooker is a good shout for the position you’re in. Get a large one so you can do enough for a couple of evenings.

SwingTheMonkey · 10/03/2024 17:01

Willyoujust · 10/03/2024 16:47

Slow cooker is a good shout for the position you’re in. Get a large one so you can do enough for a couple of evenings.

No. A good shout would be to stop accepting bad behaviour from men who do absolutely nothing to contribute to the household.