I have never really cared whether I die, is this normal?

[T0ASTER]

I can't remember ever thinking that it would be awful to die.
When my kids were small I didn't want to die because I didn't want them not to have a mum, other than that time I don't recall ever not feeling like this.

Several times a week I think it would be convenient to die so I don't have to do certain things

I'm not suicidal, I'm not going to kill myself, just couldn't give a shit if I die

I have an okay life, nice family, well travelled, not wealthy but have enough to do most things although have no savings

Just wondering if this is how other people feel too?

I'm not scared of dying. I don't think there is anything else either

The only thing i worry about is leaving those behind

I’m the same

I’ve found my tribe!!!

I don’t want to die.

Currently my children are still children so I wouldn’t want to leave them.

But just as importantly, there’s a lot I want to do before I die and haven’t done yet! Not that it matters in great scheme of universe but I want to do them.

I’m not at all depressed or suicidal but wouldn’t care if I died today or tomorrow
My DC are grown up and whilst I know they would miss me they are well formed fully functioning adults
I do have things to look forward to like holidays but I also get tired of the day to day grind and work stress, dealing with elderly DM etc
Sometimes I think it would be lovely just to go to sleep and not wake up again ever

Dcat also needs me

I felt exactly the same when my children were young.

And tbf, it's not that I want to die. It's just that I'm at total peace with the fact that I will, and I'm at a point in my life where it's ok if I do.

I feel like there's an important difference between wanting to die, and being in complete acceptance that it will happen, and to think that it's fine when it does, even if it's sooner rather than later.

*Yes, lots. Still don't care. I'm indifferent about death.

A PP mentioned ego in NT people vs ND people, I'm autistic, this theory makes a lot of sense. It's your ego that's afraid of death.*

I don't really understand this comment. I feel that it's natural to not actually want to die before real old age, the thought of leaving behind my children and people I love breaks my heart. I think this thread may be distressing for anyone with a life limiting illness who absolutely does not want to die

I lost my DD to breast cancer. She was 36 years old. She would have given anything not to die.
Some of these posts beggar belief.

If people are distressed by this thread, they have the option of not reading it.

There are plenty of threads on mumsnet that people might find distressing - domestic violence, sexual abuse, rape, loss - that doesn't mean they don't belong here.

As I said before, being ok with dying is not the same as wanting to die. I'm ok with my children moving 200 miles away from me, but I didn't want it to happen. I'm ok with lots of things that I don't actively want.

I'm so sorry to hear that. That's very young. I would have felt exactly the same when I was her age.

This is me!
I wiuldnt describe myself as depressed and certainly not suicidal but not bothered about dieing.
My life has been just a series of okay ish moments but nothing really to get excited about.
I have friends and family I love and definitely want to see my kids into adulthood though.
It's not something you can talk to people about IRL - I've known friends who've died relatively young from cancer so feel really bad that I think the way I do but you can't help what you feel!
I read something years ago and a paragraph really resonated with me so I screenshot it...

I love my life, it’s filled with lots of amazing people and I do a lot, I get lots of joy every day, I’m not at all depressed, some people seem to be confusing not being bothered about dying with being miserable and wanting to die, they are not the same thing.

@Minaldwyn I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. That is far too young. I only felt the shift to my current state in my mid-fifties and I'm sure it's because I feel I have lived a lot of life (I married, had lovely children, married my soulmate, lost my soulmate) which your daughter did not have, and that's truly a tragedy.

In terms of being mid-fifties, I enjoy life every day, find things to like and so on, but there's less of a feeling like 'I must be alive', 'I have to live'. I have seen death close up many many times now and it's going to happen, whether I enjoy any given day or whether I want it to or not. I can accept that. My husband also accepted his early death quite stoically, I have no idea why.

I can't really explain it but I feel more peaceful about the whole thing, and happy to carry on living, knowing that death is not so scary and will happen to me just like everyone else.

My life has been just a series of okay ish moments but nothing really to get excited about.

I feel sorry for you then

Those of us who feel this way don’t need to be pitied or shamed or “fixed” thanks very much.

This reminds me of the threads about people who don’t like summer and are assumed to be “wrong” because the “i love summer” people are “right” and how dare we prefer winter just cause they don’t.

FTR i have a great life with loads of joy, i enjoy spending time with my kids and they really need me, I’m not depressed, things are good. Not fearing death and being ok about it all is ok too though.

Yes, that paragraph resonates with me too but what I take from it is that everything is a fleeting moment. The bad stuff, the good stuff. Most of us I imagine are just bumbling along in a fairly neutral state most of the time with our days punctuated by highs and lows. Happiness is not an entitlement- it’s a feeling that comes and goes just like all the other feelings. So that’s why we should try to be in the moment as much as possible- but our modern lives can make that very hard to do.

@Minaldwyn 💐💐 that’s so young.

I'm 60 almost and have several life limiting illnesses and I’m also limited mobility and that will likely get worse.

I’m waiting now for a referral for possible MS or Parkinson’s. If death came tomorrow I wouldn’t care for me, but for my dh, dcs and family especially my mum. I’ve had over 20 years of daily ill health.

I'm not depressed (I’m an half glass full) and would never take my own life.

But this week as I’m put on bedrest and steroids again I think death would be a blessed relief. For me but not for anyone else.

I will sign up for dignitas if I get A Parkinson’s or MS diagnosis. I don’t want to be my dad or MIL.

When I was in hospital for pneumonia I didn’t care for myself surviving at all. But the happiness of my loved ones when I came out stopped me in my tracks. But they know how I feel and hopefully will support me in any decisions I make going forward.

Those of us who feel this way don’t need to be pitied or shamed or “fixed” thanks very much.

Not trying to pity shame or fix anyone just commenting on someone's life being a series of okayish moments

Not being bothered about dying and wanting to die are two completely different things. Do I want to die tomorrow? No. Does it bother me if it were to happen? Only because of what it would do to OH and DD(and others at various levels).
I definitely know that I don't want to live to a good old age. Ideally I'd see DD grown,settled and safe.

Very very much NOT how I feel. I don't ever want to die, I hope by the time my time comes dying will be optional. I don't like the thought of not being with my husband, and as I don't believe in an afterlife, then I would not be with him. The very thought pains me greatly.

I feel exactly the same.

i would never take my own life but only because of the additional pain it would cause the people I care about. If I had a pill that would make it look like natural causes, I would take it today.

Funnily I don't feel I've done anything or achieved anything and it looks like I probably won't. That's the reason I'd quite happily go in my sleep any night they'll have me, it all seems so pointless.

I don't know if you are aware, but you're coming across as if you're telling us off?

Maybe this isn't the thread for you if you're struggling to understand how people feel the way they do, and also not willing to try?

I'm not bothered, either, and have never been terrified of ceasing to exist as some/most people seem to be. Same as above, I'd rather not go through a lot of pain at the time but I realise it is fairly normal to do so.

I'm an atheist to my core. No expectations of any sort of 'life' after death: I'm excited enough that my atoms will eventually form parts of astonishing things throughout the Universe! The being that I am, however, will be gone. It 's been a blast 🙂

Not discussing this, just wanted to wave at the other mortality realists out there!

And I'm sorry @VolvoFan