I have never really cared whether I die, is this normal?

[T0ASTER]

I can't remember ever thinking that it would be awful to die.
When my kids were small I didn't want to die because I didn't want them not to have a mum, other than that time I don't recall ever not feeling like this.

Several times a week I think it would be convenient to die so I don't have to do certain things

I'm not suicidal, I'm not going to kill myself, just couldn't give a shit if I die

I have an okay life, nice family, well travelled, not wealthy but have enough to do most things although have no savings

Just wondering if this is how other people feel too?

I do feel better when I walk in the woods for sure

I am quite fearful of a long drawn out painful death, but not death itself. I would like to see my children grown and settled, but don't particularly want to live into my 80s/90s. I am autistic and find lots of elements of life a struggle so sometimes would prefer to just pop off!

@T0ASTER out of interest how do you think you might react if you received a very serious life threatening diagnosis? Do you think you would take up treatment?

It’s an interesting question you raise. I’m definitely scared of dying at the moment.

I really struggle to get my head around this

Well I would get treatment. It would be weird not to, I'm 46 and have family and friends.
I'm not sad and want to die particularly, I just don't care if I do

I get what you mean, I've often thought like this. Because I have some people that need me right now , I hope it's not soon. But noone knows when or how that day will come about. I think if I get to 60/5 that will be enough. Would not want to be elderly. I know a lot of elderly are happy and healthy , but I'd worry about being bed bound , seen it so often in my field of work and it's very sad and no way to live. Mostly they are depressed.
I also get upset about the thought of just not being me any more, or not seeing or being with my children or lived ones. One minute you are there, the next gone. Wonder about an after life but unsure

OP you're 46 and you have kids.. surely you want to stay around for them

I often have to mull over the concept of death. My Dad died from a heart attack when I was a child, so very sudden. I veer from thinking it's best to just drop, than it is to get dementia or some really painful illness where you live for ages but are gravely disabled.
I think for your loved ones, that's the hard thing really.
For me personally I'm not scared of death. I'm scared of pain and long term illness much more. I don't have kids so I just want to outlive my Mum.

I felt like this most of my life. Never really cared if I woke up the next day and felt like life was a trial. However in the last couple of years as my friends' health, and my own has been less reliable and with thought I possibly only have 15-20 good years ahead of me suddenly I feel like fighting back. I recently read that in a mere 50 years after your death you won't be remembered. That really hit home and now I want to leave a mark.

I have felt like this when life has been a bit of a drudge. I'd wake up and think do I have to do this again? Groundhog Day is one of my favourite films because it suggests you can still grow as a person even if you're living same day over and over again. I started an art degree six years ago and have felt a lot more interested in what I can do with my days now. I know my family would be devastated so I would never have actively wished to be dead but generally I wouldn't worry for myself or fear death except for the impact it has on other people. Now I'm a practising artist I would prefer not to go without having made some really good work. What I really fear is the people I love dying.

Sounds pretty normal to me. It doesn't mean you're suicidal. But there is absolutely nothing to fear about death, and it will save an awful lot of hassle, so if I die in my sleep tonight, so what? I won't know anything about it. I think people assume that they will have emotions after they are dead (which is obviously not possible), so they somehow feel that they might "regret" their own death. It is fascinating, though.

No, the end doesn’t bother me and never has. Life is far more terrifying than death.

I'm late 60's now and I think the older I get the less afraid of death I am. On the other hand my DH is much older than me and I would like to think I would outlive him as I think he would struggle without me more than the other way around. Also I have young grandchildren I would like to see grow up and am DD's only back up childcare option so need to be here (and relatively fit and healthy) for a while longer yet. Previous generations of my family have generally been very fit and independent into late old age however, so my view of being 'elderly' may be different to some.

Similar vibes here. Sort of think "as long as I don't suffer a long drawn out illness". Not depressed in the slightest. I've always had the idea in the back of my head, since being very young, that one day I'll die before I'm old, and they'll do a post mortem and find loads wrong with me.

I don't every worry about not being here, I'm not reckless or silly in my actions, and I have young dc, so lots to be here for. I'm never thinking of ending it (or even thinking "when I get to 80" etc).

I enjoy life well enough. But there is a part of me that kind of looks forward to just not "being" any more. I have been through a lot of difficulties in life and have some health issues, so I think that's a part of it. I suppose I would describe it as my soul is tired. Even though I don't really believe we have souls! But just somewhere deep inside, I am tired.

I want to be here a bit longer, mainly for my DC. They are adults now but I feel they might need me for a few more years! Other than that I'm not really fussed.

It’s interesting to see different attitudes to this. To me you sound quite well-adjusted and accepting.

I find life a real struggle and am quite miserable quite a lot of the time. Despite that, the thought of being dead terrifies me (I don’t mean pain/illness and process of death- I mean the thought of actually being dead terrifies me, and yes I know I won’t have any consciousness). So that makes me think maybe I am enjoying life more than I think I am- the fact that I’m so scared of not being alive.

We all have to die. You may as well accept the fact that eventually, you will pop your clogs and get on with enjoying yourself.
Dying is easy. You don't have to do a single thing about it, it just happens to you. Living is the hard part, please don't make it harder by worrying about dying.

You are either deeply depressed or very lucky. I do not think it is normal though. Then again, fearing your demise too much is a type of abnormality.

Most people worry about leaving young children or not living past their middle age. Lack of fear would be good as an elderly person though, means they are at peace.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago. I'm all clear now but that certainly focussed my mind into wanting an exit strategy. As did the dreadful last few months of my mother's life.
I'm not bothered as long as I don't have a long lingering death.
DC are grown up and while they are still a big part of my life while they are in their 20s I see that reducing and I feel my job is done in that they dont need me.

I imagine that's because you're not actually close to death and so it's difficult to empathise with the reality.
My Dad died last week. He knew he was dying and towards the end he was very afraid! I have no idea what must have been going on in his head but his eyes told me everything. he kept telling us that he wanted to stay alive for as long as he could.

Entirely normal. I have no fear of death at all. Every one of the last 47 years has been a bonus for me. I’m not ready to leave the party yet though.

It is what it is I feel. It’s the only one thing in life that’s definitely going to happen and it will happen when it’s meant to. I hope to see loved ones on the other side but if that’s not what’s there well I won’t know any different.

It certainly can be.

At one stage - too long a story to tell - I had a call from the GP, double appointment, told to bring someone with me (I didn't), and told that I probably had liver cancer.

I didn't have it, and probably deep down I knew that, but I had a tough conversation with my best friend because I didn't want treatment, but my father had just died, like days before, and I didn't feel it was fair on mum that she'd have to lose both of us quick succession.

In the time it took to confirm that I didn't have it, I realise I couldn't have treatment even if it was for mum, I didn't want it, why go through that.

I suppose life changes and feelings change, but I avoid the doctor after that fiasco.

Sometimes I find it really shocking how much shit most of us go through and I find it hard to forgive the doctor for adding to that (the whole saga, prior to that appointment, went on while dad was dying).

But it might have taken years off my life with stress... in which case he's done me a favour maybe?, because I don't want the 90+ most of my aunts and uncles had, mum is heading that way.

I try not to think about it but as I say, I'm relieved when others aren't fussed about dying, as mostly people talk about being scared of actually being dead.

Yes, I agree with this. What keeps me going is that my husband needs me as he is disabled.

When I am no longer needed I would like to die when I want although the law doesn't allow it at the moment.

I'm not fussed about being dead either. I am afraid of being unwell/accident and having a bad quality of life. But the thought of just being dead doesn't bother me. I'm very happy no depression or anything and I don't want to be dead, but it's going to happen to us all why worry!