I have never really cared whether I die, is this normal?

[T0ASTER]

I can't remember ever thinking that it would be awful to die.
When my kids were small I didn't want to die because I didn't want them not to have a mum, other than that time I don't recall ever not feeling like this.

Several times a week I think it would be convenient to die so I don't have to do certain things

I'm not suicidal, I'm not going to kill myself, just couldn't give a shit if I die

I have an okay life, nice family, well travelled, not wealthy but have enough to do most things although have no savings

Just wondering if this is how other people feel too?

@Thedogsdindins, I’m sorry for your loss and that you witnessed your Dad’s fear. That’s such a tough thing to experience. 💐

@emmsee There's a great quote that I now can't find - something like "the thing about art is like that life is no longer meaningless". I hope you enjoy being an artist. Art and music and writing are so important, for me, consuming it really keeps me going.

It's lovely to see I'm not alone. I often think if I was dead, I wouldn't have to cope with life anymore.

I am afraid of my husband dying and leaving me behind because life would be pointless without him.

I have children and grandchildren, but they can manage without me, probably better because they would get their inheritance.

I think, but obviously cant be sure, that if I had a life threatening diagnosis I would just take pain relief, not painful treatments.

So all in all, I'm not bothered about being here, just not intending to do anything about it.

No I don’t feel this way. I’ve watched someone die and it’s not nice, not at all. It’s given me a new appreciation of life, though so wish I had that before. You don’t have to have a ‘big’ life doing lots of ‘big’ things for life to be meaningful and happy. I find it really sad that so many people seem to feel this way.

If you are not depressed it's not normal. Most people have something they want to do or see before dying. Personally I'd like the right to choose when to end my life though, I do feel eventually life can get to the stage where it's worse than being dead and that worries me more than the idea of being dead.

Dying doesn't scare me

Leaving my kids behind does. Massively. Especially when they're still so young

I have gone through lots of stages with this. Til I was late forties, I never felt like I would be better off dead. I was sometimes stressed, worried and so on, but it never occurred to me that I could just...stop. Through seeing a series of other people die, I then had a stage of really not caring to be alive, followed by a state of being happy either way. I also had a near-death experience, which was odd and quite peaceful and made me unafraid of dying. Now, I'm happy to live, and have things I want to do, mainly writing. But that more nihilistic thinking has never completely left me.

I very nearly died 15 years ago and when I recovered I was not afraid of death anymore. Like you OP I’m ambivalent. I’m grateful for that feeling as it’s good to go through life unafraid of it

Gosh, I wish I was better adjusted but I'm afraid I'm terrified of death. I really love life and dread death.

I lose both parents before I was 22 and I struggle to get my head around this mentality. Just because I'm not a young child I still needed my parents, I'm in my 30s now and still often cry over not having my mum and dad around, especially my mum.

I kind of relate. If you aren’t here, it’s ticket cancelled, game over. I do fear how I’ll die though, I don’t want to die of cancer or dementia and I sincerely hope ending your own life is legal by the time it happens.

I am very happy at the moment by the way!

YES! I have felt like this since I was a teen. I have a lot to live for, take great care of my health and have no suicidal thoughts so I don't consider myself at any kind of risk, I have also seen people die, I know end of life can be horrible.

I learned about the concept of "sense of a foreshortened future" being common in those with trauma or neurodiversity- the gist seemed to be that we are all just quite tired and can't really be bothered with it all!

I remember watching Handmaids Tale thinking "goodness there would be no story here if everyone wasn't fighting death so much", there was so much suspense and people hiding from being shot, and that's when I realised my way of thinking must not be normal.

I feel like this too. Life is bloody hard work, it'll be a release to be off this earth.
Day to day I get on with it, have no choice. I'm happy enough. But if I found out I only had 6 months left I wouldn't care.

I also feel the same way. Fully prepared with up to date will and a 'death book' and my DC knows where to find everything.

I'm 52, disabled, I've done my bit raising children single handedly and now I'm neither use nor ornament to anyone!

I'm with you OP, my dc are grown up and I have no problem with the snooze button either. My dh and dc know that if I was told I was terminally ill or had a progressive health problem, starting to have mental decline no matter how mild, I'll top myself while I can.
Not going to be a burden on the n.h.s, my family or anyone else. I have a rolling stock of pills and medications I can use when the time comes.
I've done what I hoped to in life and made peace with the world. I'm good to go, and I'm happy with that.

Can I just say I respect your thoughts but I never saw my parents as a burden on me, or the NHS. I cared for them both as a teenager through terminal illness and I would still be caring for them now if I could.

Are you autistic? I am and can relate to this feeling and I think it's because I think more logically than NT people and am not as ego driven.

That said, the feeling totally changed when I had a child - the feeling that I need to live as long as possible for her sake.

That is interesting. My daughter is autistic. I don't really think kin am but perhaps I have traits. I didn't know that not being driven by the ego was a thing, it certainly rings true for her and possibly me too

Dying itself doesn't bother me if I've had a nice longish fulfilling life, but having suffered and survived a cardiac arrest recently (I'm in my 40s), I don't really don't want to anytime soon. I want to see my daughter grow up.

The fact is when you die you either cease to exist and feel nothing or, for the believers, you go to a "better" place. Either way, it's not something to fear. Fearing leaving others to fend for themselves is a different thing.

In my (limited) experience. The people who fear dying the most, taking aside circumstances such as young DC etc, are those who don't feel they've done what they wanted to do. Unfinished business. I believe I've done what I was here to do. I could go tomorrow with no regrets. Yes there are things I still could do, but I'm happy with how my life went overall and I have no burning desire to do much else! But I will fill whatever time remains.

I have felt like this all my life but I do suffer from depression so I can't tell you if it's normal. I'm just treading water really, until it's over!

I feel like this. I don't have a big investment in life. I'm not actively suicidal, I just like to try and enjoy my time here and make the most of each moment. I don't like the thought of getting old though, the NHS as it is now.

I'm with you OP. I've never got the hype and hysteria over dying. I am always hugely sad when friends and relatives die but recognise that is for selfish reasons; largely that I will miss them.
Like you my only worry is DC and that they have someone looking out for them and making their lives easier. The older they get the less necessary that is, but it is a luxury for them. I actually think dying earlier is better in many ways as inheritance can be used when it is needed such as when children arrive and houses needed. I don't see much benefit to them in surviving past their children become around 14/16 and becoming a burden. I don't really want to be much over 80 at the moment as I don't want to be wasting resources and being too old or ill to do anything useful.

If there was a simple switch you could flick I'd have done it years ago. I might do it once my last cat dies. And my life isn't even that bad. I just cba and it's all downhill from here.

Yes I've always felt like this until I got diagnosed with cancer six months ago now the fear of death terrifies me!