DH's scruffy friend

[ScruffinessIsContagious]

Mostly lighthearted but I'm also curious.

For the past 6+ years, we’ve been a group of 5. A few months ago, one of DH’s childhood mates came back to oz after spending a couple of years abroad, and we’ve since been a band of 6. We all just got back from a week-long city break, and looking through the photos, her scruffiness is apparent and it actually really bothers me. I know the reasons definitely aren’t financial so I was wondering why.

Her “uniform” (even when not on vacation) consists of chino shorts, oversized tees, and sandals. That’s it. She wore that to museums, walks around the city, fancy cafes, and even restaurants??!! I’m not a fashionista but surely there’s a time and place for a nice dress, some slim-fit trousers and a fitted top, or even a button-down linen shirt to go with her shorts? She’s very slim so surely it’s easy to find clothes that fit? Saw her after work once and she wore a tee, oversized “parachute trousers”, and huge sneakers so it’s not just us she doesn’t smarten up for!

AIBU to wonder why someone would choose to be like that?

Probably because she feels more comfortable that way.

It strikes me that you didn't really notice the scruffiness until you looked at the photos, which makes me think that her scruffiness may not be that extreme but is at a level that doesn't make her photogenic. I might suggest a time-out from photographing everything, and at any rate, less judging of people and experiences on the basis of how photogenic they are.

OP, you're in Australia, you say?

Well, surely this lady's way of dressing in shorts, a baggy t-shirt and sandals is keeping in with the relaxed look there, isn't it?

She's not attending stock market meetings in New York or having lunch meetings with the Royal family in London.

Just accept her for who she is, end of.

Your dh’s scruffy friend has the same fashion sense as me. I wouldn’t wear any of the things you suggested she should wear, I never wear dresses and rarely wear fitted tops (never wear high heals or girly shoes). You don’t sound like the sort of person I would hang out with either 😬

AIBU to wonder why someone would choose to be like that?

Because they have enough self confidence to not give a shit what others think and wear what they're comfortable in.

You sound superficial, bitchy and judgmental, OP.

I'm surprised you've got as many as 4 friends to go away with.

OP you sound horrible. That's all.

It’s good you are curious as she may be struggling with mental health and may need your support. You do come across as judgmental though.

She may be struggling with mental health because... she wears chino shorts, loose t-shirts and sandals?

If anyone, it's OP who might be struggling with mental health if she's so concerned about wearing tight-fitting body revealing clothes all the time. Why does OP think of herself and other people as being constantly on show, instead of just existing in the world?

You'd hate me and probably even more so because I'm fat as well…

This post is making me think of ways to boost my DC’s self confidence so that these kinds of hurtful comments that are sure to come her way one day don’t have a lasting effect on her. (Though she told me the other day that my constant guffawing at her jokes has made her think she’s funnier than she actually is cos no-one else laughs as much!)

Aussie MNer here....
To be fair, unless you're in a bigger city, we're not the most fashion-forward 😆 nice dress or pants & top would not look as out of place or frumpy as some of you describe. Not sure what OP does or what community they're from but where I am, the casual clothes OP's friend wears would be 'farm clothes' ie you didn't bother to get dressed for 'town' or 'going out'. I guess for rural people traditionally there wasn't as much opportunity to get dressed up so they make the most of it when they can - think really glamorous dances in someone's cleared out shearing shed, or a fancy holiday in the city after a couple of good cropping years. You would probably be seen as letting others down if you didn't dress up, because that's kind of the point, to make it feel different from the everyday dust & sheep shit. Of course, that's not the normal lifestyle for most Aussies now, but it's still part of our culture. Not just for women either - the pub in my town of 3000 people requires men to wear collared shirts everywhere but the 'back bar', so baggy t-shirt & shorts wouldn't be ok for anyone coming in for a meal in the dining room.
Still not ok to be judgey and mean but OP's expectations might be more a culture difference than just being hopelessly out of touch with fashion.

Jeez, I'd ruin your pics too.

I have a selection of tatty tops and bottoms I wear until they have holes. I spend money on my health and my shoes and need my clothes not to irritate me.

I don't think you're coming back tho...

Your suggestion of what she could wear sounds like the awkward 'smart casual' we all wore on dress down fridays at a US Bank n the late 90s.

I never wear anything fitted, or that needs ironing, or shoes that aren't trainers or walking boots because I prioritise being comfortable. I suspect your DH's friend is the same.

Another wind em up and watch em go 😂

No one would think twice about a bloke dressing like that, so it shouldn't be an issue for a woman. Not all women enjoy fashion or choosing what to wear, and should be allowed to just enjoy comfort and convenience if that's what they want over 'style'.

Some women would probably look at me and wonder how I can possibly not wear makeup, have manicures and look 'put together' and they're welcome to do all those things but I can't be arsed personally.

She can wear what she wants but I do know someone who dresses like that through lack of confidence. They don’t want to stand out. What they don’t realise is, they stand out more because people do notice they only have one style or because as the op says “they look scruffy”.

I’m not a fashionista

That's an understatement.

Whoops, wrong thread. Ignore me! This was intended for the “fleeting comments” thread! But while I’m here, yes, it’s unreasonable to expect people to wear the kinds of clothes YOU like to wear, especially given your description of the way you dress.

Fucking Hell.
.....and in the words of Forrest Gump : And that's all I have to say about that.

We have a friend who looks like a bag lady😆. She has money, washes daily. She's just genuinely not a materialistic person and we love her dearly because she's hilarious and kind.
What matters more in life, really?

Wow!!!

I think she sounds great. Leave her alone.

I envy her, I wish I had a "uniform" - my wardrobe looks like a jumble sale

She sounds comfortable with herself. Do you find it embarrassing to be seen with them?

I'd rather be around someone like her than someone who takes forever primping and makes others late for everything. Those people are the worst!

this really did make me lol