DH's scruffy friend

[ScruffinessIsContagious]

Mostly lighthearted but I'm also curious.

For the past 6+ years, we’ve been a group of 5. A few months ago, one of DH’s childhood mates came back to oz after spending a couple of years abroad, and we’ve since been a band of 6. We all just got back from a week-long city break, and looking through the photos, her scruffiness is apparent and it actually really bothers me. I know the reasons definitely aren’t financial so I was wondering why.

Her “uniform” (even when not on vacation) consists of chino shorts, oversized tees, and sandals. That’s it. She wore that to museums, walks around the city, fancy cafes, and even restaurants??!! I’m not a fashionista but surely there’s a time and place for a nice dress, some slim-fit trousers and a fitted top, or even a button-down linen shirt to go with her shorts? She’s very slim so surely it’s easy to find clothes that fit? Saw her after work once and she wore a tee, oversized “parachute trousers”, and huge sneakers so it’s not just us she doesn’t smarten up for!

AIBU to wonder why someone would choose to be like that?

Even your title is awful. You said you're a group of 6 but it's DH's friend, which together with you completely unreasonable description, suggests jealousy.

I too wash expecting someone unwashed, male with long straggly hair, smells etc.

Surely this isn't even genuine.

I hate getting dressed up. Slim fitted trousers and a nice top? I’d rather poke my eye out with a fork. I have to wear ‘professional’ish clothes to work and I loath is. Weekends and holidays I’m in jeans and converse every day.

OK OP, you've had a harsh response here. Do you want to talk to us about what's really going on?

Ffs women like you are the problem
sometimes. Leave her alone!

You'd hate me 😅

@Ermmmmnowwhst
Exactly

What's really your problem with her?

I think you need to focus on getting to the bottom of why this bothers you so much, rather than focusing on understanding why she chooses certain clothes.

YAB very U

Some of us just really don’t care about clothes. For me, it’s all about comfort, practicality and warmth (or the opposite in the summer!) I wear leggings, long sleeve tops and fleeces in winter, shorts and vests in the summer. Trainers, walking boots or sandals depending on season.

I genuinely don’t care if I look scruffy- I don’t need to impress anyone. Yes, I will grudgingly try and look smart if I’m going to a wedding or a funeral but otherwise don’t bother. I don’t need to dress smartly for work.

@ScruffinessIsContagious

You are not coming across too good on your thread,
you sound a bit too judgemental,

It could be several things why your friend dresses the way she dies,
Could be she just is not particularly materialistic kind of person
doesn't care for fashion ect,

Could be when someone is extremely scruffy or dishevelled dirty , it can be a reaction manifestation to trauma of some sort 🤔
psychological and emotional issues that have experienced,

Your friend sounds she is comfortable in herself and does not care 🤷 a jot about superficial things or superfluous things

Along as she is good enough friend to you and your husband,
why care about her style of dress
accept her eccentricities of what you percieve it is
for what makes her quite interesting her quirks as your friend,

The only time i would be concern if normally tidy clean looking friend became noticeably drastically changed to dressing particularly scruffy dirty looking clothes wear,

I would naturally assume she was struggling with mental health issues of some sort or just stressed out with life...

I would be tempted to ask if she was ok, cause of this reasoning..

I

She seems happy and comfortable in her own skin. You sound very uptight and insecure.

Her dress sense seems very 'now' your clothes choices sound very frumpy.

I sense the real problem is she's your husband's friend, and you feel very insecure at her return to the group.

She seems happy and comfortable in her own skin. You sound very uptight and insecure.

I second this.

There's nothing lighthearted about your post, and it's very judgemental and shallow. Who cares? Is she a kind person, and hopefully nicer than you.

Why slim fit and tight stuff? You don't have to wear tight stuff just because you're a woman.
Maybe she likes baggy clothes because they're comfy.

She's made you feel insecure about yourself. You're projecting that insecurity onto her.

I think I'd take a leaf out of her book and care less about the outside more about the inside.I think it's a case of worry about yourself and what you want to wear and not other people. She isn't a reflection on you, you don't have to fancy her so really have no skin in the game.

You have to love MN for it's lighthearted cuntyness!

As long as someone is clean you have no justification to comment and judge.
I admire this woman for not focusing on superficial appearance to your standard. Well done to her for being comfortable.

It's not really light-hearted is it OP though

There's a woman not performing feminity well enough for you and you have an issue with it

Please tell me we aren't all 14 year old girls in the school grounds again?

This really wouldn't bother me at all. I haven't worn a 'nice dress' since 2016.

Maybe post a picture of yourself OP and then we can all comment on how you choose to dress?

Or a side by side, that way we can see the "scruffy" smiley woman and the OP in a frilly Laura Ashley dress and the sour scowl

Women are not obligated to perform to a certain standard of society dictated attractiveness/flattering/fashionable to please your tastes....

Wow, high level bitchiness! I was expecting to read about a smelly , filthy hobo type, not a woman in casual clothes.

Nothing lighthearted about this, OP.

Maybe have a look at why this slim, active, well-travelled, financially solvent, confident woman brings out your insecurities?

Or is it just that she’s ruining your Instagram vibes?