DH's scruffy friend

[ScruffinessIsContagious]

Mostly lighthearted but I'm also curious.

For the past 6+ years, we’ve been a group of 5. A few months ago, one of DH’s childhood mates came back to oz after spending a couple of years abroad, and we’ve since been a band of 6. We all just got back from a week-long city break, and looking through the photos, her scruffiness is apparent and it actually really bothers me. I know the reasons definitely aren’t financial so I was wondering why.

Her “uniform” (even when not on vacation) consists of chino shorts, oversized tees, and sandals. That’s it. She wore that to museums, walks around the city, fancy cafes, and even restaurants??!! I’m not a fashionista but surely there’s a time and place for a nice dress, some slim-fit trousers and a fitted top, or even a button-down linen shirt to go with her shorts? She’s very slim so surely it’s easy to find clothes that fit? Saw her after work once and she wore a tee, oversized “parachute trousers”, and huge sneakers so it’s not just us she doesn’t smarten up for!

AIBU to wonder why someone would choose to be like that?

Wow sounds like she has less friends than she thinks she does. You need to stop judging other women on superficial bollocks.

Ha, of course OP didn't come back.

What a wimp. Happy to sit and slag off other women but runs and hides when she gets it back,

I'm that "scruffy friend". I dont care for fashion and just like to be clean and comfortable. I dont like feeling seams in my clothes so I live in leggings and loose fitting tops. I'd be sad to feel that my friends didn't value me based on me wearing boring clothes

OP said "it actually really bothers me"

Strange.

I think it is completely unreasonable of her to dress how she likes and not consider what someone she has now known a few months might think she should be wearing. I am assuming from your message you have already tried surprised looks and passive aggressive comments?

Before the next get together perhaps you could send her a few links of things you would find acceptable for her to wear.

If that doesn't work then maybe you and the other 4 could stage an intervention and make sure she is fully aware she needs to consider your feelings.

At least seeing her after work you know it is not just you she is not considering but all others -wow some people - getting up and wearing clothes they like/

So basically you are threatened by her

Plus, she's a bronzed goddess from all her time in Oz

YABU
Scruffy in my book is wearing dirty old worn out clothes or shoes with holes in them.

She sounds fabulous! I love that look. She could wear the slim fitting trousers and blouse and still look great. What matters, honestly, is she a nice person on the inside? Would she help you out if needed? would she judge your clothes? I don't know why her c!othes offend you so much. Hobo chic is always in ❤ loosen the pencil skirt girl and enjoy spending time with her for who she is, not what she looks like.

It doesn’t sound lighthearted OP, you sound nasty and judgemental. I have no idea why you think you have any right to judge others and why you think your view is so important. You aren’t a friend now are you.

Don't see the problem. She sounds more fun than you if that's your idea of lighthearted.

I think the thing for you to wonder about here, OP, isn’t the motivation for her clothing choices but why you feel so superior about your own choices and exactly what it is about someone not giving a shit about the opinions of randoms about their appearance that seems to strike a nerve with you?

Why do you care?! This says a lot about you!! Have you been described as shallow or materialistic before?

This is obviously a wind-up.

Wow what a knob

😂 I'd rather hang out with her than the beige brigade, probably more fun

Why do you wear whatever you wear? I’m going to take a stab in the dark at it’s because it’s what you want to wear. Now apply the same logic to your original question ta-da you have an answer.

Well aren't you a delight.

Same!

Soz I can see why u reacted like that 🤣 didn’t mean it like that. Just going through a rough patch and I know how it can affect self care. Not saying she’s not entitled to wear what she wants at all. Wanted to point out there could be all sorts of reasons (including just wanting to be comfortable)and not to judge!

Replied to this in comments.. just spotted this ‘quote’ button I should have used 🙈

This says a lot more about you than her choice of clothes. Maybe look at why she has caused such a visceral reaction from you.

yuck, this post reminds me of the frumpy thread. I’ve never really worn heels except for wedges, I rarely wear dresses or dressy clothes unless I have to. My DM and sis were the dressing up types, so I was the oddball. I usually dress more “boyish” which is more comfortable to me (my DD is the same). If we all dressed alike what a boring world this would be. Just because someone’s style is not yours doesn’t make them scruffy, frumpy, or what have you.

Who cares what other people wear. Maybe some jealousy there because she dresses comfy with confidence. Maybe she’s neurodivergent and can only wear natural fibres and loose fitting clothes. Maybe she just likes wearing those clothes