DH's scruffy friend

[ScruffinessIsContagious]

Mostly lighthearted but I'm also curious.

For the past 6+ years, we’ve been a group of 5. A few months ago, one of DH’s childhood mates came back to oz after spending a couple of years abroad, and we’ve since been a band of 6. We all just got back from a week-long city break, and looking through the photos, her scruffiness is apparent and it actually really bothers me. I know the reasons definitely aren’t financial so I was wondering why.

Her “uniform” (even when not on vacation) consists of chino shorts, oversized tees, and sandals. That’s it. She wore that to museums, walks around the city, fancy cafes, and even restaurants??!! I’m not a fashionista but surely there’s a time and place for a nice dress, some slim-fit trousers and a fitted top, or even a button-down linen shirt to go with her shorts? She’s very slim so surely it’s easy to find clothes that fit? Saw her after work once and she wore a tee, oversized “parachute trousers”, and huge sneakers so it’s not just us she doesn’t smarten up for!

AIBU to wonder why someone would choose to be like that?

Slim fit trousers and a fitted top? Is it 2014 and do we all work in a bank...?

YANBVU. I was expecting a story about someone who does not wash and wears dirty clothes.

She doesn't share your fashion sense and neither would many people. Super judgemental.

The word scruffy means dirty, untidy, unkempt.

It doesn’t mean ‘someone who wears clothing that isn’t to your taste’.

If she’d worn this to your WEDDING I might see your point….

But now all I can see is your charred remains after the absolute roasting you’ve had on here.

My first reaction is why do you care?
but on consideration, I would feel a bit embarrassed if I went to a nice restaurant and someone I was with looked like they were on the school run after a night of no sleep.

However, does she look scruffy or is she clean and presentable but just not dressing how you think she should?
Is the issue that her clothes don’t always reflect the appropriateness of the venue? If so, I could see your point. But your wording makes it sound as you think her clothes aren’t good enough.

OP never came back 👀

I’m not sure when her ‘uniform’ became your business?

This did made me chuckle!

When you said "scruffy friend" I was expecting you to describe someone with greasy hair, smelt a bit and wore stained clothes with holes in them.

Not someone who simply chooses to wear comfy clothes. There is nothing wrong with that and I say that as a person who IS a "fashionista"- who loves fashion, make up and blow dries.

You see, the thing is- I choose to dress like that because it's for me and I like it. I certainly don't expect others to do the same- it's entirely up to them what they wear and it does not reflect in any way on their value as a person. In fact, I enjoy the fact we are all different because if everyone dressed the same as me, then noone would be unique would they? Enjoy the differences between you- it's what makes us interesting and individual. The world would be dull AF if we all dressed exactly the same.

I'm in a minority, but I don't think wearing shorts in a restaurant for dinner is OK - even in Oz.
A cheapo chain greasy-spoon maybe, but I think OP means a proper restaurant.

But a skirt or dress the same length is? 🤔

If this is a real thread, the thrust is actually about the fact that they were a cosy 5 and now the group dynamic has changed. I’m guessing the returning friend is also single, so OP feels doubly threatened. Perhaps she’s also gay and OP is nursing a secret crush. The possibilities are endless.

So visible knickers - or lack thereof - is OK in your opinion ?

Wow! What have I just read?

I LIVE in stretchy, loose fitting bottoms (next call them joggers but they're like harem cross leggings), tshirt and cardi/sweatshirt/hoodie. Usually with trainers, sometimes boots.

I couldn't give a flying fuck whether you think this is 'scruffy' - I'm clean, washed and showered every day and my clothes are clean and tidy. Just because my choice of comfortable clothing isn't your idea or choice of such, doesn't make it scruffy. You are being vv U

Eh?

ewwww

I live in Australia and am baffled by the OP's view. One of the first things that struck me about dressing here, was how very casual so many were in situations that UK folk would dress up for. Mostly men now I think of it.

Definitely acceptable wear and, most importantly none of the OP's business. Also, not scruffy, which implies tatty, in need of repair.

Where is there any mention of visible knickers or lack of? The OP's friend can wear knickers with shorts...

It’s always nice to see these kind of posts backfire on the OP 🤣

You're wearing your shorts wrong if thats a problem you have.

Read the posts.
It was in response to someone referring to a dress or skirt the same length as shorts.

What did I just read 🤯
Struggling with mental health because she wears shorts and T shirts? WTAF.

Shorts come in various lengths. The skirt equivalent to a pair of shorts can go as far down as the knee. In most cases, we can presume mid-thigh. It's a very strange jump to go from skirt to 'knickers on show'.

I can see that... it still doesn't make sense. That poster was questioning why you thought shorts were inappropriate for a restaurant but presumably think a skirt or dress would be appropriate. I can't see anywhere else knickers or lack of was brought up other than by yourself.

Thank you! I didn't think it was just me confused over the knickers comment

I manage to wear skirts, dresses and shorts without showing any underwear! Crazy eh!?

I think you need to maybe buy a longer pair of shorts. Hot pants are sooo 90s

The suggestion that a woman possibly has mental health struggles because she dresses for comfort is peak MN.

God forbid the woman wears what she wants and is happy about it.