DH's scruffy friend

[ScruffinessIsContagious]

Mostly lighthearted but I'm also curious.

For the past 6+ years, we’ve been a group of 5. A few months ago, one of DH’s childhood mates came back to oz after spending a couple of years abroad, and we’ve since been a band of 6. We all just got back from a week-long city break, and looking through the photos, her scruffiness is apparent and it actually really bothers me. I know the reasons definitely aren’t financial so I was wondering why.

Her “uniform” (even when not on vacation) consists of chino shorts, oversized tees, and sandals. That’s it. She wore that to museums, walks around the city, fancy cafes, and even restaurants??!! I’m not a fashionista but surely there’s a time and place for a nice dress, some slim-fit trousers and a fitted top, or even a button-down linen shirt to go with her shorts? She’s very slim so surely it’s easy to find clothes that fit? Saw her after work once and she wore a tee, oversized “parachute trousers”, and huge sneakers so it’s not just us she doesn’t smarten up for!

AIBU to wonder why someone would choose to be like that?

Being scruffy in my opinion is being smelly, unhygienic and not washing. Not having a different taste in fashion to you.

Stop being so bitchy.

Your friend is the fashionista here! Sounds like what she is wearing is the height of fashion right now, chunky trainers, oversize clothes. Chinos and a slim top are quite dated I'm afraid

her scruffiness is apparent and it actually really bothers me

This feels very much like a 'you' problem to me.

She can wear what she likes. It affects you in no way whatsoever.

Would I go out for dinner in shorts and an oversized t-shirt? No. Would I care if someone else does? Also no.

It's bloody weird that you're giving more than a nanosecond's thought to this, and you really do need to file it under 'Stuff That Is None Of My Business'.

Forget this woman's clothes choices, OP -- in your shoes, I'd be examining my own response to this very carefully, and attempting to analyse what this was really all about.

I think 'button-down' means buttons down the front in America? But I might be wrong.

Yeah, parachute trousers and chunky trainers are very on-trend at the moment. Y2K revival.

She sounds happy and cool af. You sound like a prick. I’m struggling to understand your motivation for your nasty opinions. I can only imagine it’s some sort of jealousy in some way? Or you’re just spiteful thinking she’s not ‘matching’ the rest of the group? Good on her for not caring about what petty, small minded people like you think.

I'd rather be 'scruffy' than a bitchy MN poster

I hope you're wearing your hard hat OP

Quite apart from the nastiness of the OP... I have a friend in Australia who became popular enough on Instagram for her fashion that she set up her own clothing company last year, which is doing very well. Her look? Pretty much chino shorts paired with oversized tees and oversized baseball-style jackets (or a strappy top), and always brightly-coloured chunky trainers. So tbh your husband's friend sounds on-trend as well as comfortable.

Nail. On. Head.

I have the upmost respect for people who are comfortable to wear whatever they want to wear and not care what others think.
It tends to be the insecure that dress for the occasion to try and fit in.

OP you sound like a twat.

I thought that this was going to be a “how to tell someone that they smell bad” post.

Your description of acceptable clothes sounds rigid and boring. Travel broadens the mind and I think it’s good when women spend less time and energy on dressing nicely so that they don’t get comments from other women. I have a young adult dd and she’s very slim but wears oversized clothes like many women in her uni city. 🤷‍♀️

Do you judge the men’s wardrobes? Do they all dress in different outfits and styles that you judge acceptable or can they get away with outfits like a t-shirt or polo shirt with jeans each time ?

I should also say that even if the friend was actually scruffy and not fashionable, it's still none of your business unless it's to the point where you think she might not be looking after herself because there's something wrong.

Yes, I was about to say this! The fashion is to be much more casual and wear more loose fitting clothes anyway. OP's fashion sense is dated.

She sounds comfortable in her likes and comfort. It shouldn't be this way but it can take a lot of courage to have the confidence to be yourself and prioritise your own comfort over the personal aesthetic preferences of superficial, snobby and judgmental people.

I can think of many reasons why someone chooses the clothes they wear. I used to constantly get told not to hide my body away in baggy t shirts and it was always women who questioned why I'd not want to wear clothes that highlighted my body and I ended up complying often to avoid the bitchy looks and comments. I was desperate to fit in and have friends but I'm also autistic and that may have played a big part in my wish to avoid the women's judgement.

I should have stopped giving a fuck decades ago to be honest as those type of people don't seem to be the ones who are good for deep and meaningful friendships.

No . It doesn’t help.

You sound lovely...

I think that you should look into why it bothers you. Is there a part of you that wishes that you weren’t so bothered by other people’s opinions and could wear what you wanted?
Women are often pushed into worrying about this what to wear shit and we waste so much time and energy. It must be liberating being a man and deciding what to wear 5 minutes before getting changed and nobody noticing that you’re wearing the same top and jeans as last time.

"If it helps, women judge men too"

Cheers pal, massive help that

Ergh, you sound fucking horrible

You sound hideous. She sounds comfortable and not pretentious. How are you ok with acting like this?

Don't make me giggle.

Think OP is superficial and has a rigid view of people's appearance.

I know nothing about fashion (as my free-from-a-work-promo hoody and worn skinny jeans will demonstrate) but even I know she sounds much more on trend and stylish than the dated clothes you describe.

The thread title had me thinking that you were going to be talking about someone with poor personal hygiene, who was also habitually wearing dirty torn clothes.

Not someone whose clothes style is more casual than you think appropriate.

Seriously OP, I’d suggest you have a good hard think about why her clothes choices are bothering you so much. What’s this really about? Why should it bother you if she’s making different style choices to you?