DH's scruffy friend

[ScruffinessIsContagious]

Mostly lighthearted but I'm also curious.

For the past 6+ years, we’ve been a group of 5. A few months ago, one of DH’s childhood mates came back to oz after spending a couple of years abroad, and we’ve since been a band of 6. We all just got back from a week-long city break, and looking through the photos, her scruffiness is apparent and it actually really bothers me. I know the reasons definitely aren’t financial so I was wondering why.

Her “uniform” (even when not on vacation) consists of chino shorts, oversized tees, and sandals. That’s it. She wore that to museums, walks around the city, fancy cafes, and even restaurants??!! I’m not a fashionista but surely there’s a time and place for a nice dress, some slim-fit trousers and a fitted top, or even a button-down linen shirt to go with her shorts? She’s very slim so surely it’s easy to find clothes that fit? Saw her after work once and she wore a tee, oversized “parachute trousers”, and huge sneakers so it’s not just us she doesn’t smarten up for!

AIBU to wonder why someone would choose to be like that?

With friends like you ….

but surely there’s a time and place for a nice dress, some slim-fit trousers and a fitted top, or even a button-down linen shirt to go with her shorts?

Mum, is this you.

Wow could it be that she just does not give a shit and does not believe that her clothes are a reflection of her worth?

It sounds more like you are someone who is very desperate to cultivate a middle class / money look to the outside world as something to aspire to be seen as, and she is ruining your aesthetic. Are you worried that people are looking at her as some sort of poor relation and thinking that they may judge you in the same way?

Why do you care?

Your DH's friend is me (although the temp here prohibits shorts!) I rarely dress up but can when the occasion requires it. Visiting museums and tourist hot spots does not!

Hi, police, I'd like to report a missing OP. Perhaps check the naice button down linen shirt aisles of Next first.

You need to work out why this bothers you. The vote seems pretty unanimous which speaks for itself. Stop policing what other women wear.

Nothing quite like women judging women eh?

Me too 😄

You sound lovely.

I would choose to be like her than wear what you deem appropriate. Or to be like you at all in fact

You sound like my darling Mother (who ironically never looks quite tidy herself).

Can we have pictures of your chosen attire for differing events OP so we can pick apart your outfit choices please?

You'd hate me then, I met up with some of my old work colleagues for a nice meal in baggy t-shirt, plaid shirt, leggings & para boots last night.

I dress for comfort, not style.

She sounds great! I love nice clothes, make up etc and totally get fashion and wanting to look nice but I’d still rather be her friend than yours.

Check your internalised misogyny, OP. Seriously, you have a problem. Deal with it.

If it helps, women judge men too - I have a female friend who constantly makes snide remarks about the comfy clothes I choose to wear.

People should be happy in their own skin wearing what they want, regardless of gender. Thankfully I'm slowly phasing this 'friend' out as her constant sniping is doing my tits in.

I used to dress very badly. My confidence was below the floor. The reason was because I was being abused but nobody knew, not even me. It was subtle psychological stuff.

Clean woman wearing casual clothes.

Has she done something else to annoy you? You realise she doesn't have to look 'instagram'?

😄😄

i Dress in a similar fashion. This is why I do:

it’s comfy.

it’s easy, I don’t have to worry about what goes with what and being “fashionable”.

i have an eating disorder. It hides what I perceive as my many faults.

it means I don’t get judged by female standards on my body, my level of sexiness, whether a passing man would “do me”. Which all contribute to the eating disorder and whether I’m thin enough, sexy enough etc.

bitter experience as a younger single female that if I “make an effort” it often translates to being a man hunter.

so she may be happy and confident in what she wears. She may be trying to be neutral to avoid her body being judged in “slim fit” clothes.

what is a “button down” linen anyway?

what is a “button down” linen anyway?

The funny little buttons on the wings of collars

Ah I always thought "button down" was buttons down the front but that makes more sense

God you are is stuck up. If she was dressed up you would propably say she was dressed as a tart and dh kept staring at her tits. Women can't fucking win.

She's fine she's comfy and happy. As long as she's dressed in what makes her happy it is none of your business no matter what it is. When you said scruffy I thought you were going to say she stinks etc. you're just being shallow. Nobody is suggesting you have to wear the same thing.

For what it's worth some of the richest people I know dress borderline homeless because they don't need to impress anybody lol

OP have you ever wondered why you feel the need to judge others? or why you care about clothes so much?

do you perhaps have issues with internalised misogyny? I am not accusing you, it's a question I ask myself regularly to keep myself in check...

So a shirt from Benetton circa 1985?

I know I’m not cutting edge fashion but at least I don’t wear those 😂